Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

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Sorry, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Won’t Ever Host The Oscars

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Perhaps realizing they had some valuable information they’d better get out as quickly as possible so as not to miss the peg, the Huffington Post published part of their interview with Tina Fey for her new movie with Paul Rudd Admission. Though author Mike Ryan notes that, “The full interview with Fey will publish closer to the film’s March 22nd release date,” the important, non-promotional stuff is available now.

Ryan first congratulates Fey on what she calls being “Shatnered” (her term for William Shatner’s mention of her name during the awards ceremony) and then asks her if she and BFFL and fellow Golden Globes badass Amy Poehler would ever consider hosting the Big Show, considering how they did with the Globes (and how poorly Seth MacFarlane did in comparison). She said:

“I just feel like that gig is so hard. Especially for, like, a woman — the amount of months that would be spent trying on dresses alone … no way.”

It’s interesting that Fey specifically draws attention the most female aspect of her and Poehler’s performances, especially given that MacFarlane’s was derided as so hopelessly male in its insensitivity to women. Whether on purpose or by accident, Fey points out that even if she were to host the Oscars, it’d be a totally different show in that the type of performance she’d be expected to give – down to appearances – would very un-male.

Ryan also expresses his own disappointment at Fey’s decision to not even consider the Oscars:

It’s disappointing to hear, “No way.” I was hoping for at least “a one in a million chance.”
I wish I could tell you there was.

Ah well. Since Poehler hasn’t spoken up yet, we can still hold out a little hope for her.

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God It Really Was Such A Good Year For Latinos: The Golden Globes Unlive Blog 2012

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7:01 pm Angelina and Brad look TERRIBLE.

From later in the evening — see?

Meryl Streep is wearing a chip clip in her hair.

“ContROVosee.” Brits are weird. Jodie Foster reaches for the wine.
“I don’t care” that everyone here hates me. Yes you do Ricky.

7:05 pm “Dame Helen Mirren’s got good PR but she’s usually terrible.” Nice Ricky. I hope that one day I am referred to Dame Kate Dries.
Why was Amanda Peet wearing glasses? Sorry girl. You have become Lake Bell but not as cool.
Ricky to Johnny Depp: “Have you seen The Tourist yet?” Johnny isn’t such a good actor, because he’s having a hard time faking interest in that joke.

7:08 pm Gerard Butler looks like Wolverine. Alex: Do not insult Hugh Jackman.
Wouldn’t it be funny if Kenneth Branagh lost to Jonah Hill?
Don’t worry, Christopher Plummer won. They don’t cut to Jonah Hill when Plummer is thanking his fellow nominees. Way to start this night off with a bang with an old rambly person, who calls Ewan McGregor Ewan “my hearts in the highlands” McGregor

7:13 pm Elle Macpherson is sashaying like a saltshaker.
Zooey Deschanel has weird ’60s style hair, sorry Zo. Tina Fey peaks behind Amy Poehler. Love them.

Laura Dern’s “mother” on Enlightened is wearing an inflatable vest or parka.

7:19 pm Julianne Moore a. why are you holding hands with Rob Lowe b. you always have emerald green we get that you are a redhead c. why put a ruffle around your hips.

Mini-series is actually an impressive category this year.
The woman in Downton who looks like Katie Holmes is wearing a nice dress. Rob Lowe and Julianne Moore are suddenly part of Downton Abbey on this stage, and look okay with it.

7:23 pm Kate Winslet! Who apparently has a new boyfriend. Her dress is too short.

Why is Diane Lane sitting next to Susan Sarandon’s daughter?

7:32 pm Jeremy Irons puts his arm around the pres of the HFP, as if to protect her from the bloggers.
Jake Gyllenhaal is wearing a double-breasted suit.

Paula Patton, is Rachel still dressing you? You should fire her.

Mindy Kaling @mindykaling Oh please Kelsey Grammar, fall off the stage #goldenglobes

Have gotten Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney confused twice tonight. Both hot.

7:38 pm Homeland wins. Christopher loves.
Debate begins between two members of the group who are still watching House. I have now found the last two people on earth who watch house.
Who did Tina Fey and Amy fuck to get to sit next to each other?

7:42 pm Alex wants to know why there are no cats in the Google Chrome ad.

7:46 pm Christopher: These are all really good scores actually (right before the War Horse comes on).
“I’m sorry I’m French.” Quote of the night.

Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas! Their love knows no bounds.

7:51 pm Madonna’s voice is lots of accents. Mary J. Blige is like “Fuck this why did I even bother.

Don’t worry, I just poured red wine on my sock.

7:57 pm Deborah, you should also fire Rachel Zoe.

7:59 pm Everyone is getting played off, even Idris.
Brad Pitt needs to put the cane away. Angelina needs to put away her terrible old lady makeup and dress.

Drinking Moet, like the wealthy they are.

Seth, that joke about your private parts is not good enough for you. “Congratulations. Hi,” Seth says to Michelle. Okay, you’ve redeemed yourself.
“I consider myself a mother first and and actress second.” – Michelle Williams. Would a man ever say that?

@emilynussbaum I consider myself a Tweeter first and a mother second, so I’m rollin’ my eyes.

8:07 pm “Snapshot Stalkers.” I love the 10 o’clock news.

I had no idea Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Gellar were good enough friends to play dueling skirts onstage.

8:10 pm Peter Dinklage: “I haven’t seen Mildred Pierce but I’m sure it’s good.”

I don’t know how people can get upset about the Kardashian’s and not get upset about Jessica Alba (who was styled by Brad Goreski. I know you need the money Brad but ugh).

Nicole, can you sit down in that? Should I be worried? Clive Owen has started with the spraytan. Nicole has to make up his acceptance speech because Woody Allen couldn’t be bothered for winning for Best Screenplay for what was actually a good movie! Blah blah Woody.

Jessica Lange: This award is just a topper on the cake that is my life!

8:30 pm UP ALL NIGHT. Megan Mullaly! Something to look forward to.
Madonna wins. “I grew up watching movies”…in this small British enclave outside of Detriot — Christopher as Madonna.
Best Foreign Language Film goes to people we don’t care about. But, “He’s kind of dreamy on the right” says Christopher.

SLOTAT (Secret Life of the American Teenager) spotting.

8:34 pm Is Dustin Hoffman dying?
The actress from Necessary Roughness was nominated? “My generation” Claire Danes wins so Christopher is happy. You did previously win for My So-Called Life!

The Golden Globes theme song is better if you sing it like scatting.

8:42 pm Emily Blunt rock it.
Why did they cut to Sascha Baron Cohen during Tina Fey’s presentation? Sometimes I think the dudes in the control room are just bored.
Thomas Jane really is a douche. WHATTTT Eric Stonestreet looks (fairly) pissed that he lost to Matt LeBlanc. Could he be more bored?

8:47 pm I think they got Bradley Cooper to present that award because he speaks French.
“I would to thank table 10” – Octavia Spencer

Richard Lawson @rilaws Hate to be this person, but the way Hollywood actors collectively applaud themselves for liking a black person is so uncomfortable.

8:56 pm Morgan…Freeman. Oh god this is going to be dull.
What has he been in?

9:03 pm “I can’t tell you what it feels like…” for a girl? He says in his acceptance speech.
Alex: I have yet to see it be a good year for Latinos. Another L’Oreal comemercial: Irish. Australian. Italian. Truematch. Etc. W3 nudebeige.

9:11 pm Robert Downey Jr. for shame! That penguin tux. Christopher: Rumor has it, no longer sober.
“Daring euphoric golden globe best film motion picture for best comedy.”
So he’d never won the oscar and now he’s won the oscar and he’ll never stop winning re: Marty.

I wonder who was responsible for making sure Ricky had decreasing amounts of liquor in that cup.
Wow it’s taken this long to mention either Glee or Modern Family. I didn’t know how good I had it
Phil is wearing a white jacket though! Christopher: I wore a white jacket to my prom. It did not look good. The dude told me I’d look like Frank Sinatra.
Julie Bowen and Sophia Vergara do really hate each other. Julie’s just mad she looks like Glinda.

“Up next, Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel.” Oh good, I can take my nap then.

WAIT RYAN GOSLING IS NOT THERE. “Hey girl, sorry I couldn’t attend.”
Hello hello hello we are so French say the people from The Artist. “I’m French too!” Maybe he’s the French Jon Hamm.

“Just the right amount of wrong.” I really enjoy these commercials.

9:35 pm Meryl looks like she might die. Took off her glasses just in time for this award. Does Meryl get a teleprompter for her speech? David Fincher does not want to go up and give Meryl her glasses! No music for Meryl! God = Harvey Weinstein.

9:41 pm Remember Natalie’s terrible speeches last year? Glad we won’t get a repeat of that.

9:48 pm Wow Natalie wanted to get off that stage and back to tending to her dress.
George Clooney has officially made me not like him anymore. Congratulations.
Christopher congratulates Michael Fassbender on his “mega-peen.”

If my mom could have her way, she’d be a combo of Diane Keaton, Meryl and Jane Fonda.

9:54 pm If you didn’t know from the music, The Descendants takes place in Hawaii.

The Golden Globes literally just ended with Alexander Payne thanking my Uncle John! Gotta rep the lawyers. This is how Tilda Swinton feels about that:

And we’ll leave you with this photo, where you can determine for yourself if Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy look alike.

This Has Been A Great Year For Latinos: The Golden Globes Red Carpet Unlive Blog 2012

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6:18 pm They just beeped Elton John saying “Madonna hasn’t gotten a fucking chance.”
Elle Macpherson is dressing like she’s nominated, when in fact she is just repping her new PR spinoff.

6:21 pm Rob Lowe is an alcoholic. Or he’s obsessed with how everyone else is.
Evan Rachel Wood looks 45. Gucci Premiere made her dress FOR HER. Alex: I don’t care if it’s Black Swanny, I like it.

This Asian girl host is a super Social Network Brenda Song. And looks like a Caesar’s Palace waitress.

6:27 pm Since when is best original song a category we care about? Alex: Since Madonna and Elton John were involved.

6:33 pm Who would have thunk that Ali McBeal and Indiana Jones would still be together after all these years?

Our Host friend in the teal: What a great year for Latinos! We’ve done so well! Salma Hayek:…
OH my god it’s almost like you’re integrated into society!

6:36 pm Natalie Portman enters. Emily: Kind of inauguration ball.
I’m fairly certain we haven’t seen her since this time last year.

The commercials are really pushing Abilify on me. I don’t like what they’re implying.

6:41 pm Carson Daly looks so excited to be here. Not.

I KNEW that it was Tina Fey from behind and far away #assthatwontquit
Alex: Her hair looks like Kristen Stewart in between roles.

George and Stacy. I just can’t stop laughing at the two of them together. In other news, the producer of this pre-show is giving all the men to Carson.
An Australian starts talking. Kate: OH HELLLLLLLO.

6:45 pm Emma Stone says “Oh Hello!” to our poor man’s Brenda Song. I wonder if they’ll talk about both sleeping with Andrew Garfield. Emma may be drunk, but she’s wearing Lanvin.

Jennifer Lopez is 100% Puerto Rican. Good. To. Know. Also is a W6 sunbeige.

I still cannot believe Big Miracle got made.

I wish I could just get a Camelback for wine tonight.

6:52 pm Reese looks big. Adam Levine is “a homeless person” to Carson Daly.

WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOUR HELEN.

6:55 pm Sofia Vergara aka the LATINOS ARE HERE.

Unrelated: Emily says “Things I learn about dating someone in their 30s — they text you about 60 Minutes. Also, when they say ‘Talk to you tomorrow’ they mean they will CALL YOU ON THE PHONE.

And this is the moment that the screen changed from our good friend White But Thinks She’s Latino, Carson Daly, and Caesar’s Palace waitress, to the Globes. They are but a specter in time. SEE YOU THERE.

The Red Carpet, 2011 Golden Globes Style

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All times are Central Standard Time. As if you care.

5:04 Olivia Wilde starts the night off in Marchesa, with a beautiful dress and horrid hair. Maybe it’s the humidity. You can’t see her shoes in this picture, but they are awesome, like what dragon shoes would look like if they had shoes.

Oh and it’s our favorite, Guiliana Rancic, Ryan Seacrest’s “partner in crime.” In case you were wondering, her dress is Zac Posen, her shoes are Louboutin, and blah blah stop wishing you were famous. In case you were also wondering, the E! Glam Cam is out, with 360 vision, so you will get to see Sofia Vergara’s backside.

5:07 I didn’t even recognize Kaley Cuoco, but she is definitely drunk. She managed to convince us she’s engaged, but then actually no, just to Chopard, who gave her that massive rock on her ring finger.

5:12 Baby bumps are very in this season, says Kelly Osbourne. It’s baby bumps galore! Jessie: Natalie’s prego? What you want Natalie!

5:19 J.Lo Hew is wearing a wedding dress. Perhaps she is trying to remind us that she is a strong, desirable female who also happens to vagazzle.

5:27 Alec Baldwin is freaking out Jayma Mays with his usual hilarity. And then they shake hands! Jenna from Glee looks like Sandra Oh, because they’re both Asian.

5:32 Julianne Hough. Jessie: Is that Sharpay?

5:34 Dianna Agron looks amazing!

Jessie tells us that she was cast the night before they started filming the pilot of Glee. She also says “That dress is not doing her boobs any favors. You’ve got to love the one you’re with.”

5:35 Elizabeth Moss says Keira Knightley “is just like a normal girl.” Ryan Secrest reminds us that she is also “incredibly hot and glamorous.” Thanks. She is wearing Donna Karen, aka, old lady fare. This green will be repeated throughout the night.

5:38 Ricky G! His sunglasses are reflective. Ryan reminds us that we should all be nervous about the show being held live. Hopefully he’ll hold his tongue. Oh wait no, please don’t, it’ll be the only interesting thing to happen.
Hailee Steinfeld from True Grit is presenting with J. Biebz and going to get lots of death threats. Or something.

5:44 KYRA SEDGWICK. You are so hot. If you and Kevin Bacon break up, I will sob real tears.

Piper Perabo: nice ass. Why are you nominated for Covert Affairs, aka the poor man’s Alias? Were they desperate for women? I should write their shortlist for them.

5:46 Julie Bowen is apparently a bitch? And in a feud with Sofia Vergara? She called her a “Cholo Barbie.”
And here’s Jessie Michael Tom Taylor Patrick King Ferguson, as Jessie calls him, aka Mitchell from Modern Family. He is not straight, duh. Eric Stonestraight, as his castmembers call him, is.

5:49 KB: Look at that microphone! It has glitter!
Kate: You are a magpie.
Helena Bonham Carter is wearing two different shoes. Jessie: she can do whatevers he wants
KB: For a second I thought that caption said sup actress, as in, ” ‘Sup, Actress”, but it is an abbreviation for supporting.

5:50 Eva Longoria. TAKE THAT TONY. But she wears too many fishtail dresses.
We now know what Guliana Rancic really looks like: A Praying Mantis.

5:55 Kourtney and Kim! You take New York.
Lea Michele looks like Pepto Bismal, or Jessie’s halloween costume from several years ago.

5:56 Natalie! What what what. What is that rose. I expected more of you. You are showing, but like, what is your deal.

5:59 Remy: There’s going to be a fourth Mission Impossible? This is the worse news. I love how E! streams news on the bottom like they’re CNN.
HEATHER MORRIS! January Jones. So many good looking ladiez.
Naya Rivera too! Jessie: I can see each of asscheeks, and I have never been more pleased.
KB: Did she get a boob job IRL?

6:01 Jake Gyllenhaal and Jason Segel just bro-highfived.
KB loves Carrie Underwood’s because its sparkly and she’s predictable. Sean notes she always wears this dress. Agreed.

6:04 Emma Stone. I didn’t recognize her but she looks awesome. Like she’s wearing neoprene.

Apparently Judd Apatow told her to dye her hair red. Jessie’s afraid it won’t go back.

6:05 KB: Nothing makes me happier than seeing how bad ScarJo looks.

Jessie: Jeez these celebrities move so fast (in reference to her break-up with Ryan Reynolds).
KB: Hi, resident Lauren (in reference to Jessie not knowing anything about popular culture).
Eva Longoria does the breakup thing correctly, ScarJo does not.
Jessie: She looks like she has sex hair, and then went around in a convertible.

6:10 Nicole, I dont believe that you stopped the Botox. She has looked much worse, so she gets judged on a scale.
Sean just confused Keith Urban and Keith Richards. and then Jessie said, “Who are either of them?”
KB didnt know Urban was Austrailian. Everyone here graduated from College, btw.

6:11 The most famous man in the world has just arrived aka J. Biebz.
Sean: Is he gay and dating an Asian man now?
His hair looks a little different. Bieber says, “Well they just put it in my schedule and I showed up.” You know, a typical Sunday night at a major awards show, NBD. Last year I was recording Youtube videos of me in my living room.
Jessie: He always looks pensieve. He is just dealing with the weight of the world.

6:12 Michael “Money Never Sleeps” Douglas. Catherine Zeta is wearing green (Kate: I love Zorro) as is Mila Kunis and like fucking everyone else, but it’s okay, because it’s KB’s favorite color.
KB: I have ten dollars to say that when he goes up there to present, everyone will stand.
Jane Krasinski is pregnant. KB wants to know if there is a Lamaze counselor backstage.
Kate: I hate how pregnant women always hold their stomaches.
Jessie: If I bite the inside of my cheek, I can’t stop touching it. When I am pregnant, I’m not going to stop touching my stomach.

6:15 Julianne Moore. Divisive.

6:16 Jessie: Meester is not a real last name. That’s what a self-involved person calls themself.
Sofia Vergara = boobs galore, with a fake corset. She just plugged Easy Tone Reeboks. Not good. Everyone is disgusted.

6:26 Remy: E! replaced the news with a Twitter feed. This is actually an upgrade.
We recognize Angelina from the back. At least she’s not wearing black? It’s so hard not to irrationally hate her, especially when she always looks like a wax figure.

6:28 The one look I just got of Michelle Williams is no good. Daisies seem to be involved She seems to consistently try to relive her youth with her dress. Perhaps this is a response to years and years of playing a baddd girl on Dawson’s Creek. is trying to look like a small child
Everyone applauds at the presence of Sandra Bullock. I like the bangs, though it is a little “I want to hide from the world.”
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Jessie just thought Robert Downey Jr. was married to Susan Lucci.

6:35 Tina Fey. I’m sticking with my classification of this as very sea anemone esque.

Halle Berry. Always so much skin. KB thinks she “looks like a skank on a stick.” Ew.

6:37 Giuliana Rancic just had the best freakout about Angelina and Brad I have ever seen. If anyone can get me coverage of this, I will pay money for it.
KB has decided she wants to see No Strings Attached at home and not in theaters because then we can drink. I remind her that my mother has already taught me how to do that in theaters.

6:41 J.Lo from above looks like an angel. In a frontal view, her cape looks like something my Nana would wear.
Annette Bening and Warren Beatty have blessed us with their presence, finally.

6:45 Mandy Moore. The top looks awesome, i want the rest.
Update: Disappointing.

6:52 Christina Hendricks. Too much poof, probs, but props to red heads wearing red on the red carpet.

Helen Mirren and Tilda Swinton hugging! Get me this GIF.

And onto the real show. We’re left with one last image of Christian Bale with the worst beard and hair combo I’ve ever seen. Oh Christian why! Why would you do that to me.

Images via Getty.

TV Guide Loves Liz Lemon; Expresses This Love In An Interesting Manner

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There’s so much going on here that I can only assume that whoever wrote this
a) is in possession of the best sense of humor ever
OR
b) has the most lenient boss ever.
Perhaps a combination of a and b could explain it as well.

Please note that this poll is sponsored by Summer’s Eve aka the company that makes douches, in smells like Island Splash.

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