It is winter time, and there are certain things one is expected to do in the winter time, when one has grown up in a place near or in the general vicinity of hills and mountains. The major one is ski. Some of us are better off doing other things, like swimming or surfing or lying down very sexily with cookies and some icing in which to dip the cookies in. Yet skiing is constantly thrust upon us. “…eventually the Ski People — or a Ski Person who is very dear to you — gets their way. And there you end up, on a mountain, with two flat rods strapped to your feet, ankles imprisoned and immobile, wearing something absurd, freezing your ass off, with little children whizzing by you like dolphins in a warm surf. Warm surf! you think, longingly. Why did I agree to this?” asks Amy Odell.
Seriously, it was after what felt like the thousandth trip to some Eastern mountain range when I just said ENOUGH ALREADY. I do not want to go plummeting to my death thankyouverymuch. I will stay home and cook dinner for all you tired souls when you get back and then we will play board games and watch the Dane Cook DVDs that are lying around (perhaps a birthday gift? Unclear) and will find them funny because we are all so tired, even me. One day I imagine I will upgrade this high school experience to a hot tub, a nice fur stole, a glass of red wine and a stack of books.
I’ve been comforted to learn that not everyone loves skiing. Elle‘s Joe Zee is standing up for those of us who do not enjoy the activity, but comically, of course. Really, all we want to do is look as though we just stepped off the rocket onto the moon, take a glance around at the beauty, and sit right back on that chairlift for the trip down. After a little trip and a nice big fall that felt all too familiar, Zee ends up right where he wants to be: having a nice drink in a warm place. It’s cool Joe. I’ll meet you up there.