5:02 Jennifer Lawrence looks amazing, though this above shot makes it look as though she’s wearing a girdle.
Emily: Calvin Klein predicted successfully! Apparently, she’ll be filling in for KB on these excellent designer predictions.
Guliana Rancic has Lady Gaga shoulders aka those alien things.
5:16 Ryan to Arnie Hammer: Did you ever wonder why they didn’t just cast twins? Duh Ryan do your homework — they did try to do that!
Venus commercials make me like J.Lo. She looks so relatable, running around with her children. Who knew.
5:23 Hailee Steinfeld looks like a fairy princess. Christina: She looks like Princess Barbie. Sean: She looks like Anne Hathaway. It’s one of a kind Marchesa that she helped design. She is 14, ladies and gentleman. I would post a picture of what I looked like a 14, except we saw that a few days ago, and it was super emo and frizzy.
In response to some stupid question Ryan Seacrest Hailee says “My parents have raised me to be, what I am.” Well said.
Florence kind of wore that dress to the Grammys.
We get cut to Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips coming in together holding hands! Are they friends? Lesbian lovers? Either will do. I love this.
Christina: This Old Navy commercial is aimed at girl who like their ankles. Sean: Girls who don’t have cankles.
5:32 Russell Brand’s mother’s name is Babs.
5:35 Why is Michelle Williams talking so weird? She’s not giving very long answers. So curt.
Maybe she got caps on her teeth, or is on Valium for nerves. RUMOR MILL, right here in this living room.
I love these overhead shots of people entering. They look so much more casual.
OMG it’s Zach Levi! I just clapped.
RE: Previously seen Venus commercial, Christina says “My favorite is when they are shaving themselves in the shower but they aren’t actually shaving anything.” Emily seems astounded by this life-altering observation.
5:50 Sean: Hailee Steinfeld is the younger version of Mandy Moore.
Mark Ruffalo’s ladyfriend looks very severe. Sean: She looks like Patricia Arquette.
Jennifer Hudson’s ponytail looks weird.
Jesse Eisenberg! OMG OMG OMG. Jessie: I guess I’m confused because he’s too nerdy for me…and I’m going to let that sentence finish itself.
5:53 We get to Geoffrey Rush’s bald head! It’s awesome.
Cate Blanchett. Kate: It’s like a show is going to happen where her boobs are but the curtain has to be lifted. Sean: It’s like a baby threw up on her shoulders.
5:56 Ryan to Jennifer Hudson: You love to get dressed up and you love to put things on, especially now with this new body. NONONONONO.
ADVICE OF THE NIGHT: Kevin Spacey: Just have fun and find the bar as soon as possible.
Marisa Tomei looks not so good. Christina: It’s like a really fluffy dust ruffle. We find out later it’s vintage, which is nice.
6:01 JT with his mom.
Christopher tells us that Giuliana works out in the Gold Coast in the Chi.
Kelly Osbourne’s “Glamastrator” just circled Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. Inapprop. Christopher: This is why you can’t do the red carpet for two hours.
My mom just chatted me “OMG Tim Gunn.” I guess we’re changing to channel 7?
Christina: It’s so good that Giuliana and Kelly are not being allowed to interview people.
6:06 Jesse Eisenberg was on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me yesterday, according to Sara. Must listen in. We’ve switched to Channel 7 upon the prompting of my mom.
Mom: Oh there’s Jesse Eisenberg. He’s just like in the movie. (She means awkward).
Jesse Eisenberg says, “I enjoy watching you in person” to Robin Wright. He doesn’t have a TV.
Giuliana made a really awk joke about how Jessica Biel must be pissed that she’s not there and JT’s mom is. “I want to be on that red carpet!”
6:22 Hilary Swank is wearing glitter and feathers. Not only have I seen this before, I’m not sure that I like it.
Steven Spielberg’s daughter is here. She says, that”Yah (she’s) 14. This is pretty amazing.” We’ve got a real 14 year old now, none of this super-poised Hailee Steinfeld shit.
6:26 I stepped away for a second and look whose here! Hugh Jackman, wife, Halle Berry holding her breasts in, Sandra Bullock.
6:28 Javier Bardem looks chubbs. Penelope Cruz too, and we’re being reminded she had a baby like, yesterday. If I didn’t remember that, her boobs are telling me.
Reese Witherspoon is here! Debate over her, but I love her. It’s so 60s. Look at her ponytail. Julia Roberts Valentino homage, apparently. It’s Armani Privé though, so not really.
Nicole Kidman. Giuliana says, “Be honest Kelly.” Kelly doesn’t know what to say. I say FUG.
6:38 Is that Cameron Diaz? No it’s just a rando. Christian Bale says “They know I’m a stubborn git” re: his family.
Christopher: All these women are coming alone.
Sandra Bullock’s dress is kinda boring. She says the last time she presented she was on two hours sleep because she had a baby that no one knew she had. Her dress is Vera Wang, it’s really structured.
Giuliana: I love how you refer to her as Sandy, Ryan. Emily: You should worry when you and Giuliana have the same thought.
6:44 Oh Robert, do me. He is wearing a white tie.
Mom: Wow. I just heard Beatty. He sounded like he had Alzheimers. He wasn’t tracking at all. 73. He isn’t as sharp as Nana.
I wonder if the fact that J.Lo is in so many ads is because she hasn’t sold an album in so many years that she needs money. Sean: Also, endorsement deals that come with American Idol.
6:48 Anne Hathaway and Tim Gunn. Her dress is red carpet red and has all this crazy train stuff.
It’s so interesting how the lighting on channel 7 is so different from E!, mostly because they’re not pandering to the celebs to make them so snazzy.
6:52 I feel like Reese is in Playboy After Dark.
Sara: Look at RDJr’s hand on the wife’s butt.
Aaron thinks Reese’s hair looks like a yellow waterfall.
7:00 E! has stop broadcasting because of the Kardashian’s, so we’re permanently on ABC.
Tim Gunn says he’s with the “superbly svelt Jennifer Hudson.”
Natalie Portman’s dress changed colors. It got so much more purple. She still looks so hormonal and nervous.
7:04 I love how understated this lady is in her crazy quiet room interviewing celebrities.
7:07 Melissa Menounos asks Sandra Bullock if “motherhood changed your approach to acting?” Christopher: I nurse my co-stars.
7:12 Winter’s Bone gets a Modern Family shout-out with a well-timed shot of Claire and Phil caught in bed. Get it? WINTER’S BONEEE?!
Aaron: Is every man at the Oscars short? Or is every woman tall? Kate: Both
Amazing shot of Robin Wright and Tom Hanks from the stage looking out onto the audience. This makes me appreciate how nervous they must be talking to all these people. Oh famous people. Such is the life.
Images via Getty.