It is winter time, and there are certain things one is expected to do in the winter time, when one has grown up in a place near or in the general vicinity of hills and mountains. The major one is ski. Some of us are better off doing other things, like swimming or surfing or lying down very sexily with cookies and some icing in which to dip the cookies in. Yet skiing is constantly thrust upon us. “…eventually the Ski People — or a Ski Person who is very dear to you — gets their way. And there you end up, on a mountain, with two flat rods strapped to your feet, ankles imprisoned and immobile, wearing something absurd, freezing your ass off, with little children whizzing by you like dolphins in a warm surf. Warm surf! you think, longingly. Why did I agree to this?” asks Amy Odell.
Seriously, it was after what felt like the thousandth trip to some Eastern mountain range when I just said ENOUGH ALREADY. I do not want to go plummeting to my death thankyouverymuch. I will stay home and cook dinner for all you tired souls when you get back and then we will play board games and watch the Dane Cook DVDs that are lying around (perhaps a birthday gift? Unclear) and will find them funny because we are all so tired, even me. One day I imagine I will upgrade this high school experience to a hot tub, a nice fur stole, a glass of red wine and a stack of books.
I’ve been comforted to learn that not everyone loves skiing. Elle‘s Joe Zee is standing up for those of us who do not enjoy the activity, but comically, of course. Really, all we want to do is look as though we just stepped off the rocket onto the moon, take a glance around at the beauty, and sit right back on that chairlift for the trip down. After a little trip and a nice big fall that felt all too familiar, Zee ends up right where he wants to be: having a nice drink in a warm place. It’s cool Joe. I’ll meet you up there.
“1:25 a.m.: Recent partying has totally effed with my sleep schedule, so I’m wide awake. Decide the best option would be to catch up on the Jezebel articles I missed today and lull myself to sleep with my Hitachi magic wand. I’ve developed a bad habit of buzzing while I read Jezebel, which seems weird, but I can’t be the only one who does it. I think it improves my comprehension.”
Twelve hours later…
“1:30 p.m.: Finally wake up. I don’t work until 5 p.m., so I fall back into my default Jezebel/magic-wand routine. Actually branch off into Gawker for a bit, because my platonic friend’s roommate reads it and I need covo [sic] topics.”
1) Patti Smith Could Get No Cooler
I really like how she’s a huge fan of Law & Order: SVU.
2) Blake Edwards Dies
Really, really sad. Husband of Julie Andrews, he directed her in one of my favorite films, Victor/Victoria. He also directed and wrote the original Pink Panther movies with Peter Sellers, not the bad ones with Steve Martin (sorry Steve).
3) A viral video of all the black people ever on Friends hits the web
The list (though I think it might be incomplete, I won’t bore you with my endless knowledge of trivial Friends Facts, or what I consider Fun Facts).
Jorge Luis Abreu – The One with the Birth Mother – The Waiter
John Eric Bentley – The One with the Blind Dates – Waiter #2
Mongo Brownlee – The One with Unagi – The Instructor
Sean Corvelle – The One with the Holiday Armadillo – The Salesman
Monique Edwards – The One with Christmas in Tulsa/The One with Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner – Claudia
Jonathan T. Floyd – The One with All the Candy – Gary
Jason Winston George – The One Where They’re Up All Night – Fireman
Ron Glass -The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance/The One Where Ross
Hugs Rachel – Russell
Joyce Guy – The One Where Rosita Dies – The Supervisor
Teck Holmes – The One with the Mugging – Jordan
Michelle Anne Johnson – The One with the Mugging – The Casting director
Cleo King – The One Where No One Proposes – Nurse Kitty
Phill Lewis – The One with the Lottery/The One with the Mugging/The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work – Steve
Tembi Locke – The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel – Karin
Keith Pillow – The One with Rachel’s Dream – Customer #2
Ron Recasner – The One with Unagi – The Doctor
Dennis Singletary – The One with Joey’s Porsche – Guy #2
Tim Edward Rhoze – The One Where Joey Speaks French – Director
Michael D. Roberts – The One with Ross’ Library Book – The Head Librarian
Timothy Starks – The One with the Boob Job – The Handyman
Aisha Tyler – The One with the Soap Opera Party/The One with the Fertility Test/The One with the Donor/The One in Barbados: Part 2/The One in Barbados: Part 1/The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss/The One Where Ross Is Fine/The One Where Rachel’s Sister Babysits – Charlie Wheeler
Gabrielle Union – The One with the Cheap Wedding Dress – Kristen Lang
Janet Hubert-Whitten – The One Where Emma Cries – Ms. McKenna
Barry Wiggins – The One with the Holiday Armadillo – The Man
4) I went to see Mark Morris’ The Hard Nut at BAM Again
This ballet will probably always be my favorite. A modern adaptation of The Nutcracker, I first saw it at the age of four when our good family friend, Clarice Marshall, was the lead, Marie. I even dressed up as her for Halloween the following year. In the following video, which features clips of different performances of The Hard Nut, but a great deal of footage of Clarice in the original production, Morris explains how the holiday party scene at the beginning of the ballet is influenced largely by improvisation, which I feel largely explains why it is some of his best work.
His Company’s productions benefit hugely from the individual attention that all the dancers get; even those that are not leads have their moments, and he does amazing work with partnering. Something that has always set The Hard Nut apart from more traditional ballet is his use of both men and women in scenes that would historically feature only female dancers. While some might find it “gender bending”, Morris sees it differently: “The topic of the snowflakes and the flowers is an interesting one, because I guess because traditionally in most Nutcrackers, those are danced by women, because most women are more like flowers or snowflakes. And as far as I’m concerned, flowers have different genders, there’s a male and a female flower. Snowflakes I don’t believe have sexual characteristics of any kind, so what I wanted really, frankly, was a stage full of people, and my company is fifty percent men and fifty percent women, so if I want a big crowd of people, it can only be that big with everybody. And so that became a political, socio-political sort of thing, when in fact it’s just, bring on the snowflakes!”
5) Norman Rockwell, the Photographer?
I can’t wait to see this show at the Brooklyn Museum of all the behind-the-scenes pictures he used to paint his works. I love how he thought using photographs was cheating, but he did it anyway. When my dad was in art school, he never told anyone that Norman Rockwell was his favorite artist, for fear of being considered a sell-out. The point that “Rockwell must be rolling in his grave” at the thought of this show is definitely an apt one.
6) A few ways to experience Christmas
Not only has Wendall Jamieson written a very touching story about an important male role model, it really reminded me of my dad, right down to the details.
The Man Who Hated Christmas [NYT]
If you’re in the mood for something more upbeat, the Irish Repertory Theater in New York is putting on a reinvention of Dylan Thomas’ A Child’s Christmas In Wales. The poem/story with very long sentences is a great way to be introduced to Thomas’ work in a more humorous manner. It also definitely helped me bridge the generation gap with my parents, as I was shocked to read that sometimes, people have relatives who get so drunk as to throw away presents in the fire as they try to burn up all the wrapping paper.
7) Kathleen Hanna Tells Us A Long Story About Kurt Cobain
And now we know how the most famous Nirvana song came about and what “us guys can do to help you feminists.” I also had no idea that there are strippers out there who dance to The Red Hot Chili Peppers, which sounds like a show to see. There’s so much goodness in this video, as well as being a really interesting cover; though I’ll always love this one.
1) Hustler seems to be cropping up a lot lately. I don’t know if they’re trying to make a name for themselves blog-wise, but piece on porn stars without makeup is harsh times. They look pretty good to me.
Porn Stars Without Makeup On [Hustler]
2) Put your money where your mouth is and rate your fave Cosmo titles. None of them will be as good as this one (excuse the blurry photo; I was at the airport and I felt like the Hudson News lady was judging me).
3) This week’s Sex Diary is the best I’ve read in a long time. Though (shockingly) commenters disagree. Maybe I just like it because I’m basically positive I know this girl — and not entirely in that I-know-her-because-she’s-me-way. Like, I think i actually know her. Some excerpts:
“7:35 a.m.: Jesus, he hates mornings more than anyone I know. I’ve never encountered someone who has absolutely no morning wood. This may be a blessing, though — who really wants pre-8 a.m. morning sex? I offer him coffee, but he’s out the door.”
Mornings suck. Agreed.
“6:25 p.m.: We’re sitting on my bed reviewing Bassoonist’s new OkCupid profile. I’m telling him that he needs to seem more interested in women and less interested in reeds. ”
OkCupid AND an overly heightened interest in reeds? Case closed.
“9 p.m.: I would say I’m drawn to the glaring red flag of narcissism that inevitably drives every twentysomething male with a modicum of intelligence.”
“3 a.m.: He’s a half-Jew — effectively, my mother would have “half-liked” him.”
Oh, so this is how parental approval shakes out?
“12 p.m.: Awake, blissfully late. Even now, though, Med Student insists it’s too early for intercourse. Is he a sexual vampire or something? Try to explain that a little “coitus never hoitus,” but all he wants to do is make an omelet and drink all my orange juice.”
ORANGE JUICE. Also vampires are not sexy, for the upteenth time.
“4:45 p.m.: I’m sitting by the fountain at Lincoln Center waiting for a luthier to finish some work on my violin; I am always slightly on edge here because this location is really a vort-“ex” — a whirlpool where all my ex-boyfriends collide.”
Everyone. Especially if you went to both high school and college at this intersection of streets…
“10 a.m.:…Laundry! New York Times wedding announcements! Baking muffins!…”
Love them all. What up weekends.
She’s so into Rom-Coms. An excerpt:
“NYMag: Do you believe in soul mates?
No. I’m really practical, which I think people don’t think about me because I love romantic comedies so much. But you need it in movies, otherwise there’s nothing to watch. I don’t need to see the movie about the people who just settle for each other because they were the right age and the closest approximation of their ideal. That might be what life is all about, but I don’t want to see it. I want to see the rich populist and the artsy tomboy fall in love despite their differences and just make each other laugh.”