Because it’s always a competition.
The Grammys are on Sunday night (I sure did). There will be “rappers” there, even though they’ll be broadcast on CBS.
We watched with a straight male this time! Alex M. fills us in on his thoughts. With LC, street fashion expert extraordinaire, plus the usual suspects.
9:00 pm Now, just catch the hottest women in the world.
What is this Black Swan revamp? It’s like last year is over again.
I believe these girls are supermodels in the only sense that supermodels exist right now. It is like the ’80s again.
9:01 pm And the ballet theme continues. Molly: Is this happening right now?
A mad yell about Bey is heard ’round the world!
They are blurring out the first models ass! Let me know if the internet has a pic, I couldn’t find it. I believe she was wearing some sort of yellow bottoms.
True Blood is here. Don’t worry, this show is now officially sexy.
They are editing like they have ADD.
LC: Can you imagine being orlando bloom BTW?
9:06 pm Model: “The moment I stood on the runway, I felt like I became a woman.”
9:07 pm Karlie Kloss, 19-year-old first timer, is the American Dream y’all. AND THEN SHE SAYS THAT SHE’S LIVING THE AMERICAN DREAM. Karlie, you and I = same mind.
9:09 pm Kanye talks about how he was supposed to be here in 2007 to sing this Daft Punk song. A. That was a really long time ago. B. Way to make it a downer.
Superheroes is a cool choice. Molly: This is like a retro little boys dream.
LC: Love Chanel’s ombre hair.
9:16 pm “Seductive latin spanish references.”
LeeAnn Rimes what? Where is Eddie? Did Brandi have him for the night?
Alex: All the guys behind the scenes are bald black guys with British accents.
It’s whats his face from the Britney video and the other movie where he maybe died? Stephen Dorf?
9:20 pm Oh my gosh pictures of us when we didnt have these tits! Alex M.: I had no idea how hot I was going to become.
Alessandra wanted to be a doctor and an astronaut. Don’t worry, you basically made it.
“It seems like another life, these pictures.”
9:22 pm Anne v. and Maroon 5 sex it up AGAIN. To be coming.
This slower commerical is really sexy in a different way. And this CBS happy holidays commercial is super cute.
9:28 pm “It’s just like a beautiful fantasy.” My beautiful dark twisted fantasy?
This flashback of previous years is just making me miss previous years.
Why am I so attracted to Adam Levine; he has a tattoo of los angeles on his arm. And his girlfriend looks like she has no neck with this outfit, I would sue.
9:40 pm Jay Z. thanks for bringing the a game two-thirds of the way through the show.
Alex: Are they going to show Beyonce here? I draw lifeforce from her.
(THEY DO. BEY IS PREG AND IN WHITE.)
I love Kanye’s leather leggings.
“There’s more to meet the eye” with VS.
Alex: Yea, just look down.
9:44 pm ERIN the angel is extremely intelligent so we’ll put her in glasses and with an iPad that says “I Heart Geeks.”
Steamy sultry turn of the century New Orleans meets antebellum mixed with boudoir.
9:46 pm I love those pink leather gloves.
9:52 pm NEON. PINK, despite the fact that they insist on calling it “Club Pink”, is always the best, plus they have Nicki Minaj, who is definitely hungover, because these vocals are not their strongest.
9:57 pm Of course they end on Gaga “Born This Way.”
LC: I mean, it’s so unfair that they were born that way. Not to ruin it.
Also, check my girl Tara Priya, her new EP is dropping and she knows her Nicki.
Now that it’s holiday season, or now that I’ve just resigned myself to the fact that awards shows or musical television specials are some of entertainments greatest gems, we’re going to take a look at The USO Presents: VH1 Divas Live Salute the Troops
8:03 Kathy Griffin you are so funny I totally forgot you were hosting this despite the commercial I saw for VH1 Divas not but an hour ago that reminded me to watch this in the first place.
8:07 This is being filmed at the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar. Top Gun was also filmed at Miramar. Fun fact.
8:11 Kathy Griffin: We’ve got an amazing show, so stay with us and watch my ass as I walk away.
Now the vignettes of personal stories from soldiers begin. Not to be too unpatriotic and jaded, but this is going to be one big ad for the army, now isn’t it?
8:16 Now we’re in Kuwait, where Paramore is playing LIVE. The introduction video to Camp Arifjan has not at all stereotypically been introduced with some Middle Eastern music. I will say that this girl from Paramore has a pretty sexy speaking voice, and is also horrible at playing volleyball.
8:24 Seriously Drew, I swear I will buy your lipstain. Just call and remind me. Also your family is crazy and when they say the Barrymore’s have been acting forever, they weren’t kidding, as a recent extensive wikipedia search lead me to discover. The first was born in 1849. That was a long time ago.
8:25 M.C.: Oh GRACE GRACE GRACE.
We’re confused as to how she got involved as a “diva”, but she is so pretty and talented and has again, even her speaking voice is cool.
8:27 Marisa Miller is a USO ambassador? What does that mean? She is hot. I often wonder how it took so long for her to become famous, because she really hasn’t been around until recently and is not quite a spring chicken. More a late-summer chicken.
M.C.: She does not have a good speaking voice.
Kate: When did this become what we judge everyone on during this show?
And enter…Seth, another random Army dude who will introduce the next act. He looks so serious and so unhappy but this is pretty cute…wait he’s introducing Sugarland because Jennifer Nettles is his sister?!
M.C.: I feel bad for Seth right now
8:28 I’m sorry, she has the most lesbian haircut I’ve ever seen. I also kind of dig her voice but hate it at the same time.
8:30 The addition of MC Lyte to this performance was really an interesting creative choice, especially because (to those of us who are more open-minded) they look like partners with these haircuts. Or maybe Real Housewives of Atlanta? Or maybe I just think that because they’re singing country and that show was just on…
Anyway, to relive the better days:
Jennifer: A shoutout to the women, who look very snappy in their uniforms as well!
Yup, quelling all those lesbian rumors that I’m starting so quickly.
Also, when googling Jennifer Nettles to find out more about her, I stumbled across another similar-looking country star, Miranda Lambert. In said search, I found this Yahoo! Answers gem:
8:32 Jersey Shore in 2 minutes. They don’t even say “The Cast of” or “Snooki and the Situation.” Just Jersey Shore. That poor location.
8:36 Commercial for Brandy and Ray J: A Family Business. What kind of family business? Like a hardware store? I wonder if he and Kim K. still talk secretly.
8:37 M.C.: I love how Kathy is wearing really trashy versions of “uniforms.”
Kathy Griffin: (On Bristol Palin) She’s the only contestant in the history of the show to gain weight…she’s like the white Precious. You can boo louder than that! I love it!…War is hell, war is hell!
The audience is not having any of this.
“So we gotta talk about Jersey Shore….” And then they applaud.
8:39 Snooki: Can you help us o the next introduciton marine? ‘Cmon, just read the lines marine.
8:40 Grace Potter again! M.C. sits up.
She looks fly. I want that dress for New Years. And her hair is so Heidi Klum.
SHE IS SO GOOD. BRB I’M JUST FREAKING OUT.
M.C.: Her dress is tiny. She’s somehow rocking it.
Kate: Her teeth are amazing.
8:47 MC I think the Grace Potter site is crashing right now, because so many people are visiting it.
Update: M.C. was indeed right
This (like Oprah and Groupon) is the perfect example of the deep connection between the internet and tv.
Grace Potter: Everybody needs rock and roll…everybody needs a good fist pump every once and a while, and I’m here to give it to them.
It’s interesting she thinks of herself as rock and roll and not bluegrass or country or something, or all three.
Wendy’s and VH1 have teamed up to make some sort of video called “Sacrifice and Support”, about mothers and military children.
8:55 These shots from below (the audience) make Nicki Minaj’s ass look even bigger.
VH1 apparently agrees that this is worth discussing:
9:01 OMG T.I. on Storytellers.
M.C.: I love T.I.
Kate: If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again — most symmetrical face ever.
Next we get an ad that tells us that “Sunday is the night…on VH1.” What kind of night, you may ask? The underlying subtext seems to be that sunday is the night for black people, with back to back episodes about Brandy and Ray J, basketball wives, and football wives.
(You’ll notice some time has passed. Things happened, they just weren’t that interesting).
9:37 FLOTUS aka Michelle Obama. Wait is she there?! Oh no, it’s just a video. She has lovely eyebrows.
9:45 Uh oh, after the break, a final Katy Perry song. They are really pushing her, much like she is pushing her boobs. And it’s “Firework”, duh. Her sparkly red dress has a very long slit, but I think she’s wearing a leotard underneath? But all of this is ruined because SHE HAS SEE-THRU PLASTIC STRAPS HOLDING HER DRESS UP.
9:53 Coolest commercial ever.
The show was alright. Loved the updated old school aesthetic, and the general respect for the troops without bringing politics into it. And I swear, I won’t do another Unlive blog soon because I’m sure they’ve beginning to drag on. It’s just with the holidays, there are sooo many good specials, what’s a girl to do?