Emma: Wait so I have a question. So Nick Cannon was really tied into Nickelodeon earlier in his career, right? So is his name not really Nick?
Kate: (semi-silent guffaws)
[Editor’s Note: Nick Cannon aka Mr. Mariah Carey is in fact the DJ on Up All Night. He’s the real reason to be watching that show. You could be like Emma and not have noticed that he’s been on the show at all, but don’t worry, HE’S THERE.]
0:03 “The media…scrutiny…over your…pregnancy…has been…relentless” says Billy Bush, as if he is not the media scrutinizing.
0:35 Mariah chooses to draw out this announcement in this long and exclusive video, instead of just releasing a statement, even though, “It’s been tough because I’ve been trying to hold onto a shred of privacy.”
“Finding that perfect comfortable spot in Mariah’s new York apartment was not easy, due to her already expanding tummy.”
A) Don’t say tummy. She has an growing fetus in her uterus. Let’s use our big words.
B) It was difficult to find a comfortable spot not because she’s pregnant, but because she’s Mariah.
1:30 That evil media monster and the addition of her new Christmas album (out next week!) “forced” Mariah to come out with the news. Also that Thandie Newton dropped the ball on The View yesterday.
Nick doesn’t join until halfway through the interview because, as he knows, it’s not really his baby. And his facial hair is disgusting.
2:00 “This is the sad part of the story. The media’s obsessive speculation that Mariah was pregnant began two years ago, following Mariah and Nick’s secret wedding.”
Was it really a secret?
Nick ends discussing how impressed he was with Mariah’s emotional strength during her miscarriage last year. Mariah nods in agreement.
What we have learned:
The media is evil for wanting to know about Mariah’s pregnancy.
She’s having a baby “sometime in the Spring.”
Billy Bush is really, we swear, the first person to be told this news.