Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

How To Reenact My Last 2 Hours

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Step 1: Try to watch HIMYM on cbs.com

Step 2: Become irrationally infuriated for the 17th time that they relegate you to the slowest connection speed quality, despite paying $*@# for “Comcast Blast Speed” (a.k.a. You’re Too Ignorant To Be Told Numbers, And Will Be Charged As Such)

Step 3: Call Comcast, be told your router was never set up right

Step 4: Fail to reinstall router, break CD drive on computer

Step 5: Call India, ironically accuse nice representative of “not knowing what you’re talking about” and hang up furiously; fail to notice irony

Step 6: Burst into tears

Step 7: Actually fix router and CD drive; neither were ever difficult

Step 8: Call Comcast again because internet is not working, be told “No, it is”

Step 9: Realize internet is working, is fast

Step 10: Go find real hobbies/meaning in life

Smart Girls On Southport Part II

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Jessie took one for the team and got in there to see what Smart Girls really do…

Fun fact: Jessie and Emily saw this shirt separately and both felt the urge to document it. Smart Girls: They think alike when when they see stupid stuff.

These Two Are Not Alike

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Here is said video:

At first, I confused Sky Ferriera with Skye Sweetnam, who was best known for the song “Billy S” featured on the soundtrack for How to Deal. This is pretty insulting to Sky without an E, considering “Billy S” is really code for “Shakespeare”, and the chorus is:

“I don’t need to read Billy Shakespeare
Meet Juliet or Malvolio
Feel for once what it’s like to rebel now
I wanna break out lets go”

We Love Worlds

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This just doesn’t stop being funny and true.

Except Jessie points out that Aladdin definitely did not have nipples like that, which a quick Google search would cooraborate.

TTMMW: Read, Look, Listen, Look & Listen

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READ
Patti Smith is writing a sequel to Just Kids. Yes yes.

Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory and Lee Pace of Pushing Daisies under one roof? Yes please. (Also Ellen Barkin).

Is Roger Federer over? For Anna Wintour’s sake, I hope not.

Willie Nelson is both the subject of a documentary directed by none other than Billy Bob Thorton, and a drug bust for marijuana (again), where a judge JOKINGLY said that if he sang a song, he could go free.

Atlantis for realz?! I hope so.

There’s dramz involving Etta James’ estate. I really really hope this gets wrapped up in a way that would make her happy, because this is just too sad.

Miles Davis biopic. If anyone can do it, it’s Don Cheadle. Not to be a downer, but it’s rarely easy to sum up a life in a movie.

The funnest of facts about the Toy Story trilogy. But one of the most interesting facts isn’t even about Toy Story or its sequels; did you know that Alice and Wonderland is the sixth highest grossing movie of all-time. Yea, that weird Tim Burton remake version.

The New York Times is reviewing children’s books online. Legitimating the genre, or responding to Park Slope parents?

LOOK
Young hollywood hotties looking old and vintage. About half of these are from Vanity Fair‘s “Vanities Girls” series, so there’s no deep-digging here, but it’s still nice to look at.

Take me here now please. More shots at the jump. It’s Switzerland, of course.

Live in an airstream; it’s the life.

This exhibit of photos of African American images of beauty from the 1890s to Present looks awesome

B. Deck’s cut her hair and it looks good!

I need more information about this product, specifically, where I can get one:

From her biography, which I still haven’t read; please, Jessie, just leave it at my house and I will roll through it.

These plans for the New York City waterfront look excellent.

Black Orpheus is an amazing movie, and this breakdown of how to “live in it” can make you too feel as though you’re in Brazil during Carnivale.

Jello is super cool. Here are a few more reasons to love it. I fondly remember my family reunion in Iowa in ’98 where we were served green jello with marshmallows and I just…gaped.

LISTEN
To Paul Simon’s new album.

LOOK & LISTEN
Cab drivers are required to pick you up if their light is on. KNOW THE LAW.

New York, way back when. It looks almost fake.

Marcel gets his own show…on SyFy. Dear god. It gets better: the show is called Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen.

Nicole Miller tv. She was the first designer I remember being enticed by through advertising. I wanted that skirt made of ties.

Jennifer Aniston “sex tape.” Not to take away from her accomplishments, but I do wonder if she would have been as famous without Brad, and vice versa. Probs not. It really is the Eddie Fisher – Elizabeth Taylor – Debbie Reynolds love triangle of the 21st century.

David Letterman is a creeper and you can see so yourself by watching these clips of him checking out his lady guests. But like, what else is new?

Last Night’s Bachelor Finale, In Tweets

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Disclaimer: We were sitting next to each other during this experience. Hashtags that we tried to get to become a thing: #unlikechantal. It’s similar to that game where you add “in bed” to everything except less topical.

KATE [TheSSKate]



JESSIE [jessiereu]

The 2011 Academy Awards Unlive Blog: THIS IS IT PEOPLE (Never Say Never)

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7:30 Ari: Every person who says they haven’t seen any of the movies nominated has always seen Inception.

James Franco is already winning the Anne vs. James fight of who will be more funny.
Ambien in a Capri Sun?!
James Franco: I loved you in Tron. Maybe it’s not Anne’s fault she gets the worst lines.
Morgan Freeman: And so the naked girl from Love and Other Drugs and the guy from General Hospital… don’t even finish this sentence.
Alec Baldwin: You just got Inceptioned!

Delorean?! Was that J.C. Penney placement? (Note: The rest of this broadcast will be J.C. Penney placement).
Christopher: That was the first funny one in twenty years. He reminds us that Rob Lowe hosted?! Let that be expunged from his record.

7:38 Anne: It used to be, you get naked, you get nominated. Not anymore. Not anymore.
Jessie: This is indulgent (with the saying hi to their Moms in the audience). Christopher: And Anne’s mom is miced.

Lesbian jokes. James: Toy Story 3. Anne: Where’s the daddd? I wonder this all the time!

7:42 Tom Hanks and Gone with the Wind. Interesting. One of these things is not like the other. We could reference that this film included the first black person nominated but let’s not notice that.
Look at Tom Hanks against Titanic.
Art Direction, so we’re starting off with the little guys. Alice and Wonderland, which is fifth in highest grossing movies of all time. Seriously. These dudes are so nervous in their speech that they put a hat on  their Oscar.
Chris says Cinematography is contentious, because True Grit should win, but Inception wins.
Ari: Put your glasses on or off sir. “None of this would be possible without my master Christopher Nolan.” Gotta Union shout-out.

7:51 Kirk Douglas is here. Show other old people. James Franco looks much better “out of the cave.” Says to Anne Hathaway, “where were you when I was making pictures?”
Mom: Kirk Douglas has had too much plastic surgery. It’s true that he can’t really move his face. Remember when he was in Spartacus and Cher from Clueless didn’t realize that Christian liked him because he was a gay?

Best Supporting Actress. Ari: I have not seen the movie but Hailee Steinfeld should win.
Kirk: Hugh Jackman is laughing. I don’t know why everyone in Australia thinks I’m funny. Colin Firth is not laughing.
Julia: He’s a serious man.
Melissa Leo wins, which means I was wrong and her campaign to win actually worked, or at least didn’t work against her.  She gives us almost a crotch shot. Amy Adams wishes she had won too, just in case Melissa forgets that she said that Amy should win. Her shock feels so pretend to me. Kirk: You’re much more beautiful than you were in The Fighter. Are you saying white trash isn’t pretty Kirk? Thanks Amy “my sweet sister” Adams.
Mom: This is painful. We almost got a fuck! She’s so passive aggressively angry her beautiful son is not here but is instead jetting around the world like the youthful, unappreciative world-traveler that he is.
Ari: I like that her dress is reflecting on her face. Thank you to the academy because it is about SELLING MOTION PICTURES, AND REFLECTING THE WORK!
Christopher: She is out to lunch.

8:00 Sara: Stop touching your stomach, Anne.
Mom: James Franco looks underwhelmed, or over.
Kate: He’s the right kind of whelmed.
JT says, “I’m Banksy.” We laugh, a lot. Best Animated Short goes to The Lost Thing, but is upstaged by JT pretending to pull a Kirk Douglas and go into a diatribe before reading the award. Only old people get away with stunts like that.

Christopher is wearing a wifebeater. That is all. It is getting HOT IN HERRRE.
And Best Animated Picture goes to duh, Toy Story 3.  I like it when they look up and thank dead people. It’d be funnier if they looked down.

8:12 Hey remember when Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin were in that super depressed movie No Country For Old Men? Forget about it, because they look like cater-waiters right now:

Aaron Sorkin wins Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network. He’s such a dork and talks that way. “Roxie Sorkin, your father just won the Academy Award, I’m going to have to insist on some respect from your guinea pig.”
The King’s Speech and David Seidler win for Best Original Screenplay.
Aaron: How can you write a movie, and then win an Oscar?
Seidler says, “The writer’s speech, this is difficult. My father always said I would be a late bloomer.”
Jessie: Hahaha you’re old.

8:23 Costume change number 1, but this tuxedo is Anne’s best outfit yet.
James has good arms.
Helen Mirren looks like a DAMN. Get it, cause she’s a dame?

Mom: What a bod.
Best Foreign Language Film goes to In A Better World. Fucking Denmark. I like that blue of this ladies dress though.

8:29 Supporting Actor with Reese. I’d support her Actor. Mo’Nique must have passed on this.
Sperm is worth nothing. Discuss.
Christian Bale wins duhh. This is so predictable. He says, “Bloody hell”, so maybe he agrees with us. Ari: Wait, am I crazy, or is he not American?
He plugs Dickey. Wow. They must be besties.
Mark Wahlberg’s wife is the one I thought was Cameron Diaz guys! Stop sounding the alarms, the case is closed.
Aaron: He’s listing what sounds like a good group of friends…Boomer…Carlos.
Re: His wife, Bale says, “She’s my mast, though the storms of life. I hope I’m likewise to you.”

8:38 Oh Anne. Rachel Zoe must have really had a field day with this one.
Kate: Crazy, back in the day things were different. Oh, we’ve hit sound and technical awards.
Cool we get to see the orchestra!
Ari: This must have been a nightmare to tech!
Original Score. Kate: I want to train my dragon; it sounds so dirty or something.
Trent! and The Social Network.
Ari: I wish I could go back to 8th grade and say to Nick Krazny, “The Guy you idolize is going to win an Academy Award.” Aaron: For a movie about…the internet.

8:45 Scarlett, you’re funny. Where are Brad and Angelina up in this biz, I notice with the first mention of Salt. Jessie: Raising their children with x’s in their names.
Lesbians! Win for Inception and Sound Mixing.
Thanks the “…Union, of course.” And also “Of course, the mighty Christopher Nolan.” He must require everyone to say this.
Sound Editing. “Mmhm” says shirtless man Matt who is overly tanned and in that movie about the Lincoln Lawyer, which is not a period film about Lincoln and his legal troubles but about an unconventional lawyer who conducts business from his towncar.
Aaron: I wonder what the percentage is on these awards being nominated in pairs?
“I owe this a thousand percent to Chris Nolan.” Jessie: I think this is their way of being like, F U, for Chris Nolan.

8:53 Christopher: He’s so weird looking.
NERD AWARDS with Marisa Tomei. James: All right, congratulations nerds. He is WINNING this thing. His Twitter feed is too.
I thought Katherine Hepburn and Bob Dylan were magically going to be on the stage at the same time, but it’s just Cate Blanchett presenting.
Nathan: Cate Blanchett looks like she’s magically got Dip ‘n’ Dots on her dress.
Make-up. This is such a weak category this season. “That’s gross,” says Cate to the last shot. The Wolfman wins.
To the bud on the right, Christopher says, “Dye your mustache if you’re not going to dye anything else.”
“It was always my ambition to lose an Oscar one day to Rick Baker. This is better.”
Alice and Wonderland wins for Costume Design. Surprise! Ugh I just wanted to see the woman who dressed Tilda impeccably up there. Helena Bonham Carter look confused on whether she should get up. Sweetie, you shouldn’t.
Stiff read award. But they clap? Very nice gloves. Ari: She’s a costume designer.

Aaron: Barack Obama just destroyed everyone.

9:03 Randy Newman you’re so weird. Aaron: God I love this mutherfucker, look at him.
Tangled! Marchesa dress, Mandy Moore? This is too cute.
Francesca: CHUCK?
Kate: Oh my god guys I’m really emotional right now. Who knew Zach Levi had this good a voice? I mean, I saw the film and all, but this is too much.

Ari: This Stella Artois Adrien Brody commercial sucks.

9:11 “Wow what a great year for docs….” Was it?  Strangers No More wins for Short Doc.
Mom: I also have never seen these people. OMG it’s the usual bleeding heart doc speech. Of course, thank HBO’s Shelia Nevins. Buddy Squires cinematographer. I can’t take it. Too precious. (She’s overwhelmed, in case you can’t tell.)
Kate won this round (Best Live Action Short Doc)! I liked the title: God of Love. Woah, this dude should have got a haircut and knows it! He thanks “NYU’s Graduate Film Program. The rest of the crew which I’ll thank on the thank you cam after. Finally my mother who did craft services for the film. My dad, the great state of Delaware.” Best speech of the night?
So much fringe on Anne! Rachel Zoe is so pleased.

What is this Harry Potter remix? Who cares, because You know what’s cool? A BILLION dollars.

“He Doesn’t Own A Shirt” For Twilight. I seriously have no idea what this is but I’m into it.
Mom: This show is too creative for its own good.

9:19 Oprah, looking bangalanging. “What if Oprah is Banksy?”
Inside Job, the we hate capitalism movie, wins for Best Documentary Feature, which means Kate wins, let’s all be happy.
She looks happy. Documentary dude makes it political. He also says,”Let the record show, I’m not wearing jeans.” I predict that this was a big fight with his wife before he left the house.

9:24 David Carr and A.O. Scott are sharing chips that did not come from a Brooklyn co-op. Props NYTimes liveblog, for further letting me dream that they hang out like this in real life.

9:26 Billy Crystal, finally. Get off the stage Anne. She’s just too eager.
Let’s look back to the good old days! It’s a little sad they have to rest on Bob Hope performing like fifty years ago for this show to be funny.

9:31 Nathan: Jude’s hair is going. Kate: His hair is gone. It’s not going anywhere.
Special Effects goes to Inception, duh. Boring. Jude and RDJr. look bored too. I wonder how much they are actually bros.
Film Editing, my favorite category. The Social Network wins! Their first nomination was for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Good thing that they made that movie slightly better than the horror it would have been.

9:41How to Train Your Dragon, that’s disgusting” says James. We are ONE MIND.
Florence (and the Machine). Christopher: She does look Trans.
GWENETH. She’s an actress not a singer, so she does not know what to do during her performance.
Ari: Pop pop! Randy Newman wins, duh.
Randy Newman: I don’t want to thank these people. I want to be good television, as you can see.

9:52 In Memoriam with Celine Dion.
Nice “Stormy Weather” reference with Lena Horne.

10:01 Hilary, who will never win again, Swank.
Best Director. I really like Katherine Bigelow’s dress. Kate: She just turned down Spiderman. Aaron: Hilary Swank? Jessie: Hilary Swank, cast as Spiderman.
Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech! Upset! Christopher picked it though. He references “The triangle of man-love” that made up this film. Jessie wants to be in that triangle. Sean: I call shoddy.
He notes there have been a lot of mom thanks, but his is different. Hilary’s face says “Aww what a fun story!” in the back.
“And the moral of the story is: Listen to your mother.”

10:05 Annette Bening’s dress is weird.
Hey remember when Eli Wollach won a very similar Lifetime Achievement award in The Holiday? This looks like a fun party.
Ari: Old men at the Oscars is my favorite thing. Jessie: Especially when dumb bitches steal their canes.
Aaron: Look at that tie! Why is Francis Ford Coppola such a swag monster?

10:11 James is so pleased with himself.
Jeff Bridges is here to discuss Best Actress. They always talk to these people on a first name basis here, which I find weirdly personal. Annette Bening just winked and went “Mwah” at the camera. It pans to Nicole Kidman but we’re more interested in Andrew Garfield who looks FIERCE in the back.
Darren “Pedostache” Arronosfky lurking behind Jennifer Lawrence. She’s like “Of all the clips to pick!” when they show this super weird depressing one of her in Winter’s Bone.
Nathan: But Natalie Portman, you’re horrible in Star Wars. And she wins. And kisses Millipede, who helps her on stage.
Aaron: But what if this kid is a fuck-up?
Ari: This kid is the new Maddox Jolie….Every child actor wants to be their Natalie Portman.
She says that her husband “has now given me the most important role of my life”…being a mama.
Alex: Well she had to thank everyone. Thanks camera man, my make-up artist, the guy who held the door for me yesterday, and the barista who gives me extra caramel.

10:19 Sandra’s nostrils look like she does coke. Says to Javier Bardem, “When you won your Oscar for No Country For Old Men, you managed to inspire a whole country with just a haircut.”
Sandra asks “the dude” if he would give this award to someone else because he does not deserve to win two years in a row.
Then we get a shot of JT and Jesse Eisenberg. This is such a great tableau.
Colin Firth, go home, says Sandra. But he wins Best Actor! “I have a feeling my career’s just peaked.”
He’s SO DRY — “When I was a child sensation.” Thanks Tom Ford; Chris and I groove. “Olivia, for putting up with my fleeting delusions of royalty…Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some impulses I’m going to give in to backstage.” This sounds dirty, but he just means dancing.
Jessie is worried that P.S. 22 is going to be sleepy. I’m worried that they’re missing school.

10:31 Anne, tone it down. She’s worn that dress before.

The montage of all the movies nominated for Best Picture was weird, but very well-edited and set to a speech from The King’s Speech. Of course that wins, and the Brit’s take everything.
Helena seems to indicate that Tom Hooper’s on the opposite side of the stage than where the producer’s think he is. Oh producers.
Emily: I like his hair. Kate: Very well tended.
Jessie (re: James): Someone already started drinking.

P.S. 22 did not get to practice a lot I believe, they are running all over the place.
And then all the winners come out on stage? So weird.
Jessie: Wizard of Oz. We’ve reached Oz.
Francesca: Glad like four women won tonight.
Alex: I’m hoping for District 9 To come through and collect what it deserved last year.

FINAL COUNTDOWN: It was an amazing race to the death, with Blake winning again! With 18 correct answers (does he have an inside man at the academy) Christopher coming in at 16, and Francesca in third place with 15. Emily was next with 12, Jessie/Sean at 10 because obviously they needed to vote together, and Kate sadly came in last at 7 but only because she desperately wanted some upsets, people. We’ll never know how KB did because she bailed and did not fill out her ballot but Blake: It’s time. Take over SGST for a day (maybe two now). Your public awaits.

There Might Be Nipple: The Red Carpet Of The Academy Awards, 2011

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5:02 Jennifer Lawrence looks amazing, though this above shot makes it look as though she’s wearing a girdle.

Emily: Calvin Klein predicted successfully! Apparently, she’ll be filling in for KB on these excellent designer predictions.
Guliana Rancic has Lady Gaga shoulders aka those alien things.

5:12 Melissa Leo’s hair looks a little casual. It’s a really similar shape to her Golden Globes outfit.
Mila Kunis and nipple? She looks amazing.

5:16 Ryan to Arnie Hammer: Did you ever wonder why they didn’t just cast twins? Duh Ryan do your homework — they did try to do that!
Venus commercials make me like J.Lo. She looks so relatable, running around with her children. Who knew.

5:23 Hailee Steinfeld looks like a fairy princess. Christina: She looks like Princess Barbie. Sean: She looks like Anne Hathaway. It’s one of a kind Marchesa that she helped design. She is 14, ladies and gentleman. I would post a picture of what I looked like a 14, except we saw that a few days ago, and it was super emo and frizzy.

In response to some stupid question Ryan Seacrest Hailee says “My parents have raised me to be, what I am.” Well said.

Florence kind of wore that dress to the Grammys.

We get cut to Michelle Williams and Busy Phillips coming in together holding hands! Are they friends? Lesbian lovers? Either will do. I love this.

Mandy Moore’s dress is like one with her skin. Emily: She looks like such a grown-up.

She looks particularly grown-up in this picture.

Christina: This Old Navy commercial is aimed at girl who like their ankles. Sean: Girls who don’t have cankles.

5:32 Russell Brand’s mother’s name is Babs.

Michelle Williams looks amazing. An amazing statue.

In the background, we have Mandy Moore, Busy Phillips and Michelle Williams all shaking hands. STOP TALKING GIULIANA I need this.

5:35 Why is Michelle Williams talking so weird? She’s not giving very long answers. So curt.
Maybe she got caps on her teeth, or is on Valium for nerves. RUMOR MILL, right here in this living room.

5:39 Amy Adams says, “Well Ryan, it’s not that hard for me to find the fiestiness.”
She says hello to her daughter. Why does she have a necklace over this jeweled dress it looks ridiculous.

I love these overhead shots of people entering. They look so much more casual.
OMG it’s Zach Levi! I just clapped.

RE: Previously seen Venus commercial, Christina says “My favorite is when they are shaving themselves in the shower but they aren’t actually shaving anything.” Emily seems astounded by this life-altering observation.

5:50 Sean: Hailee Steinfeld is the younger version of Mandy Moore.

Mark Ruffalo’s ladyfriend looks very severe. Sean: She looks like Patricia Arquette.
Jennifer Hudson’s ponytail looks weird.
Jesse Eisenberg! OMG OMG OMG. Jessie: I guess I’m confused because he’s too nerdy for me…and I’m going to let that sentence finish itself.

5:53 We get to Geoffrey Rush’s bald head! It’s awesome.
Cate Blanchett. Kate: It’s like a show is going to happen where her boobs are but the curtain has to be lifted. Sean: It’s like a baby threw up on her shoulders.

5:56 Ryan to Jennifer Hudson: You love to get dressed up and you love to put things on, especially now with this new body. NONONONONO.

5:59 Scarlett Johansson looks so cool. Her hair is a little casual.

You can’t see the back in this, but it’s really nice.

ADVICE OF THE NIGHT: Kevin Spacey: Just have fun and find the bar as soon as possible.

Marisa Tomei looks not so good. Christina: It’s like a really fluffy dust ruffle. We find out later it’s vintage, which is nice.

6:01 JT with his mom.
Christopher tells us that Giuliana works out in the Gold Coast in the Chi.
Kelly Osbourne’s “Glamastrator” just circled Scarlett Johansson’s boobs. Inapprop. Christopher: This is why you can’t do the red carpet for two hours.
My mom just chatted me “OMG Tim Gunn.” I guess we’re changing to channel 7?

Christina: It’s so good that Giuliana and Kelly are not being allowed to interview people.

6:06 Jesse Eisenberg was on Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me yesterday, according to Sara. Must listen in. We’ve switched to Channel 7 upon the prompting of my mom.
Mom: Oh there’s Jesse Eisenberg. He’s just like in the movie. (She means awkward).
Jesse Eisenberg says, “I enjoy watching you in person” to Robin Wright. He doesn’t have a TV.

6:11 Oh my god Sharon. Sara: Y’all, she looks good though.

This picture is PERFECT for her.

Giuliana made a really awk joke about how Jessica Biel must be pissed that she’s not there and JT’s mom is. “I want to be on that red carpet!”

6:22 Hilary Swank is wearing glitter and feathers. Not only have I seen this before, I’m not sure that I like it.
Steven Spielberg’s daughter is here. She says, that”Yah (she’s) 14. This is pretty amazing.” We’ve got a real 14 year old now, none of this super-poised Hailee Steinfeld shit.

6:26 I stepped away for a second and look whose here! Hugh Jackman, wife, Halle Berry holding her breasts in, Sandra Bullock.

6:28 Javier Bardem looks chubbs. Penelope Cruz too, and we’re being reminded she had a baby like, yesterday. If I didn’t remember that, her boobs are telling me.
Reese Witherspoon is here! Debate over her, but I love her. It’s so 60s. Look at her ponytail. Julia Roberts Valentino homage, apparently. It’s Armani Privé though, so not really.

Nicole Kidman. Giuliana says, “Be honest Kelly.” Kelly doesn’t know what to say. I say FUG.

6:34 Sara: Oh Gweneth. Space suit. Calvin Klein. It has a weird flower, and her hair is so so blonde.

6:38 Is that Cameron Diaz? No it’s just a rando. Christian Bale says “They know I’m a stubborn git” re: his family.
Christopher: All these women are coming alone.

Sandra Bullock’s dress is kinda boring. She says the last time she presented she was on two hours sleep because she had a baby that no one knew she had. Her dress is Vera Wang, it’s really structured.

Giuliana: I love how you refer to her as Sandy, Ryan. Emily: You should worry when you and Giuliana have the same thought.

6:44 Oh Robert, do me. He is wearing a white tie.
Mom: Wow. I just heard Beatty. He sounded like he had Alzheimers. He wasn’t tracking at all. 73. He isn’t as sharp as Nana.
I wonder if the fact that J.Lo is in so many ads is because she hasn’t sold an album in so many years that she needs money. Sean: Also, endorsement deals that come with American Idol.

6:48 Anne Hathaway and Tim Gunn. Her dress is red carpet red and has all this crazy train stuff.
It’s so interesting how the lighting on channel 7 is so different from E!, mostly because they’re not pandering to the celebs to make them so snazzy.

6:52 I feel like Reese is in Playboy After Dark.
Sara: Look at RDJr’s hand on the wife’s butt.
Aaron thinks Reese’s hair looks like a yellow waterfall.

6:56 Natalie is so pregnant. She looks a little tired. Christopher: The hair at the end…isn’t cut. Kate: Get a trim, you have split ends. The clip in the back is so gross.

7:00 E! has stop broadcasting because of the Kardashian’s, so we’re permanently on ABC.

Tim Gunn says he’s with the “superbly svelt Jennifer Hudson.”
Natalie Portman’s dress changed colors. It got so much more purple. She still looks so hormonal and nervous.

7:04 I love how understated this lady is in her crazy quiet room interviewing celebrities.

7:07 Melissa Menounos asks Sandra Bullock if “motherhood changed your approach to acting?” Christopher: I nurse my co-stars.

7:12 Winter’s Bone gets a Modern Family shout-out with a well-timed shot of Claire and Phil caught in bed. Get it? WINTER’S BONEEE?!

Aaron: Is every man at the Oscars short? Or is every woman tall? Kate: Both

Amazing shot of Robin Wright and Tom Hanks from the stage looking out onto the audience. This makes me appreciate how nervous they must be talking to all these people. Oh famous people. Such is the life.

Images via Getty.

The Oscars: OR Will Facebook Take Over Every Aspect Of Our Lives?

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SERIOUS predictions here. The moment is almost here. It’s Oscar time! (I just paraphrased Giuliana Rancic, kill me now).

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Javier Bardem, Biutiful
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
James Franco, 127 Hours

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Christian Bale, The Fighter — Christopher, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech — Emily

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right — Emily
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone — Jessie/Sean
Natalie Portman, Black Swan — Christopher, Francesca, Blake
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine — Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE FOR AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
Melissa Leo, The Fighter — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit –Francesca
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom — Christopher, Kate

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist

Toy Story 3 — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake (What Whaaaat).

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION
Alice in Wonderland — Francesca , Kate
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 — Jessie, Sean
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Blake
The King’s Speech
True Grit

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAHY
Black Swan, Matthew Libatique — Emily, Jessie/Sean
Inception, Wally Pfister — Christopher
The King’s Speech, Danny Cohen — Kate
The Social Network, Jeff Cronenweth
True Grit, Roger Deakins — Francesca, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
Alice in Wonderland, Colleen Atwood — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake
I Am Love, Antonella Cannarozzi — Kate
The King’s Speech, Jenny Beavan — Christopher, Francesca
The Tempest, Sandy Powell
True Grit, Mary Zophres

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
Black SwanDarren Aronofsky — Emily
The Fighter David O. Russell
The King’s Speech Tom Hooper — Christopher
The Social Network David Fincher — Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
True Grit Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Exit through the Gift Shop — Emily
Gasland
Inside Job
— Blake, Kate
Restrepo — Christopher
Waste Land — Francesca

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Killing in the Name
Poster Girl — Christopher, Emily, Francesca
Strangers No More — Blake
Sun Come Up
The Warriors of Qiugang
— Kate

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
Black Swan Andrew Weisblum
The Fighter Pamela Martin
The King’s Speech Tariq Anwar
127 Hours Jon Harris — Jessie/Sean, Kate
The Social Network Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Blake

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Biutiful — Emily
Dogtooth
In a Better World — Francesca, Blake
Incendies — Christopher, Kate
Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi) — Jessie/Sean (“Wanna just pick the one in French?”)

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKE-UP
Barney’s Version, Adrien Morot — Kate
The Way Back, Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
The Wolfman, Rick Baker and Dave Elsey — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (SCORE)
How to Train Your Dragon, John Powell
Inception, Hans Zimmer
The King’s Speech, Alexandre Desplat
127 Hours, A.R. Rahman
The Social Network, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)
“Coming Home” from Country Strong, Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and
Hillary Lindsey — Christopher, Kate
“I See the Light” from Tangled, Music by Alan Menken, Lyric by Glenn Slater
“If I Rise” from 127 Hours, Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong — Francesca
“We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3, Music and Lyric by Randy Newman — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
Black Swan — Emily
The Fighter
Inception

The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech — Christopher, Francesca
127 Hours
The Social Network
— Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Day & Night — Francesca, Blake
The Gruffalo — Christopher, Kate
Let’s Pollute
The Lost Thing

Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary) — Emily

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
The Confession — Francesca
The Crush — Emily
God of Love — Christopher, Kate
Na Wewe — Blake
Wish 143

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Blake, Kate
Toy Story 3
Tron: Legacy
— Jessie/Sean
True Grit
Unstoppable

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
Inception — Francesca
The King’s Speech — Blake
Salt
The Social Network — Christopher, Emily, Kate
True Grit

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
— Kate
Hereafter
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake
Iron Man 2

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
127 Hours, Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
The Social Network, Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake, Kate
Toy Story 3, Screenplay by Michael Arndt, Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
True Grit, Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
Winter’s Bone, Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Another Year, Written by Mike Leigh
The Fighter, Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson, Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
Inception, Written by Christopher Nolan — Emily, Jessie/Sean
The Kids Are All Right, Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg — Kate
The King’s Speech, Screenplay by David Seidler — Christopher, Francesca, Blake

TTMMW: Uncle Leo Was Really Creepy, Wasn’t He?

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This week, we’re going to do a train of thought, connect the dots Thelonious Monk Memorial Weblog. Try to spot the connection between each post! It’s like a game for your brain.

In news about Seinfeld, Uncle Leo (Real name: Len Lesser) died this week. Yo La Tengo does a little Seinfeld too:

When it comes to other Leo’s, Leonardo da Vinci’s lover may have been the model for the Mona Lisa. Since he was a big homo, this makes sense.

If you’d like to look at some art that actually is good, check out this detail work.

Want real real art? These arches take the cake.

Also I love rainbows! Maybe I should have grown up in the 70s when it was okay to walk around in tie-dye. Except the only tie-dye I have ever really loved was that one creamsicle shirt I made myself that always prompted my dad to go out and buy sherbert.

Along the dessert train, tere is an entire website devoted to the care and keeping of Crème brûlée. Flan is better. I made flan this week. Discuss.

In things that you’d think wouldn’t be around anymore but they are, here is a computer playing Jeopardy. The one thing i liked about this show was that it was basically gimmick free. Why’d they have to go make it all new wave?

I will say that I’m not consistently into these videos where people inspire us to love the gays, but this one is actually super cute and it’s about IOWA and proves that it is a state full of lots of different types of people.

Justified if back on the air, but not back on Hulu. Tears of a clown. Still, it’s pretty good. Elmore Leonard’s books really do translate amazingly to the big and small screens; just watch George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez in Out of Sight. Do it. Really.

Roseanne is coming back to TV! “The program, from 3 Ball Productions/Eyeworks USA (The Biggest Loser), will look at Barr’s recent newfound life managing a fully-functional 40-acre macadamia and live stock farm on Hawaii’s Big Island alongside her long-time writer-musician boyfriend Johnny Argent and son Jake.” It’s The Biggest Loser cred that’s got me hooked, not the fully-functional 40-acre-macadamia farm, in case you were wondering.

I love Tootsie. There may have been one afternoon that Jessie and I biked along Lake Michigan, which was exhausting because I was out of shape and I had borrowed KB’s bike which was very rusty and then promptly lost the key somehow which I never do (lose things) and her bike remained locked to our back gate for approximately six months before I paid a very cute, awk young man too much money to saw it off and then she got it all fixed and it was stolen like two weeks later. What gives universe?

Anyway, that one day, we also got amazing sandwiches at Z&H before they were close to campus and were more of a luxury item and then came back to her apartment and ate them while watching this movie. It was perfection, summer-style. Tootsie has some “interesting feminist themes” according to Tony Scott. What doesn’t, Tony. What doesn’t. Also Teri Garr plays another lovable ditz (see Phoebe’s biological mother in Friends).

The Gehry building in downtown Manhattan is actually okay, though I don’t know why they couldn’t have made it seamless and had him design the school below as well.

For architecture that actually tells the test of time, look no further than this book The Complete Architecture of Adler and Sullivan. When I took the AP Art History test in high school, they totally had a Sullivan building on it and you had to identify the architect, but it was a really unfair question, because it was a completely nondescript building. Okay, it might have actually been the Schlesinger and Mayer Department Store, but it was a bad angle and I am certain basically no one got that right. I went on to rock that thing, in case you were wondering and you consider a 4 “rocking.”

Pixar again! Can’t get enough. I would sell my right, non-animating arm for a chance to go back and rewrite my history to be good enough to animate for them. Also, does anyone else have a feeling that Melena Ryzik sticks out like a sore thumb in California? “What’s up Michael Cera?”

Michael Moore is an idiot and is trying to get more money from the Weinstein’s off of Fahrenheit 9/11. While I will say that I did sob silently during that movie, it was definitely due to the footage and not the film. It’s good to know that a dude who made an film entitled Capitalism: A Love Story is asking for an increase in his due profits. America at it’s finest.

Between Two Ferns is back, this time with perfectly paired Tila Tequila and Jennifer Aniston. Dad always said she was the most talented Friends cast member, and despite my soft spot for Ross (and Chandler in the early years) he may be right.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Tila Tequila from Between Two Ferns

Lightening never strikes the same place twice, but it does strike the same general area repeatedly.

This photo from French Photographer Lucien Clergue reminds me of one my dad took of me when I was probably around eight. Though obviously the one of me is a little more SFW.

Been trying to get into Raymond Chandler for some time.

Listen to David Oshinsky discuss his Pulitzer Prize–winning book Polio: An American Story, because Jonas Salk was incredible and I once made a highly realistic looking clay sculpture of him in fourth grade.

Computer Rosie the Riveters are not what you think they are, but are still very very cool, and show us that women can rock it in tech.

Unfortunately, the South Street Seaport Museum, one of the only indications that the South Street Seaport Historic District is an actual neighborhood, has fallen on some hard times.

Dylan performed at the Grammys, which some people liked and some people didn’t. I say, just remember the old days:

Like father, like son: Two interviews with Teddy Thompson and Richard Thompson. The best part of Teddy’s interview is when he says, “I would never like to be compared with Michael Bublé. Ewww.” And here’s a good duet of the two of them:

New Paul Simon is pretty bomb, I’ll say. Stereogum is saying the Vampire Weekend fans will like it, but maybe it’s more historically accurate to say that Paul Simon fans might like Vampire Weekend?

Listen to Jame Blake’s cover of Case Of You, one of the best love songs ever.

This piece on not drinking and dating is actually nice, honest and not total bullshit.

Let’s leave it with James Dean and Brigette Bardot, who said it best when he said “If a man can bridge the gap between life and death, if he can live on after he’s dead, then maybe he was a great man.”

Playboy, July 1964.

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