Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

2011 SAG Awards Red Carpet Or Giuliana Strikes back

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So I was running a little late because there was an episode of Party Down to finish RIP the best show ever. Never fear; the first 15 minutes were probably not that great, I hear.

5:24 Julianna Marguiles wins tonight for outfit, I don’t need to see anyone else (forshadowing: she actually did win!). Giuliana says, “Gorge.”

LL Cool J in the house. He literally looks as though he has not aged at all. This is probably due to that same Kangol hat he always wears. Jessie: I bet he’s 50. IMDB says 43.
Emily: There’s this music video where he just licks his lips over and over again, just like he is now. Bonus points for anyone who can find that and post it in the comments.

5:29 Kyra’s adjusting. I like her wing points at the top of the dress, they remind me of Maleficent, the evil lady from Sleeping Beauty.

Jessie: She looks like Catwoman.
Emily: In a good, not Catwoman way.
Jessie: Whatever, don’t you dare slander her name
Emily: Have you seen the one with Halle Berry?

Kurt from Glee says it’s hard to watch TV because he just keeps looking at his Golden Globe sitting next to it. Mentions that he might want to move it so that he can just relax already.

Addition to the list of pet peeves about Giuliana: Her incessant name-dropping. Jessie adds, “You cant say “mwah” while you actually kiss someone, that’s against the rules.” She then catches herself, and asks for this comment to be stricken from the record because “it’s a good thing KB’s not here, she does that.” The Unlive Blog never lies, Jessie.

5:32 Naya Rivera is doing that thing that Mariah Carey did for about a decade where she just wore too much beige because she was vaguely ethnic. Mistakes. She also appears to be talking to a man who could pass for Leighton “that’s not a last name” Meester’s brother.

5:35 It’s Razor from The Kids Are All Right!

5:39 Angie Harmon comes on. I should really keep watching Rizzoli and Isles, especially since they have some like secret gay following on Youtube with all these people making fanvids in hopes the lead women will get together? Is this the new Xena? Jessie notes that Angie’s dress has probably been worn before. Another Jesse (Tyler Ferguson) is wearing a flannel tie on a plaid shirt. Props.

5:43 Mila Kunis arrives. Jessie: Where’s Mac, where’s Mac!
KB: They broke up.
Jessie: Oh right.

She looks like the young lady on Modern Family who I keep thinking looks lovely at these things but dresses just a little old for herself, who met her boyfriend at a High School Musical 3 audition and Giuliana just will not stop prattling on endlessly to.

Anyway. Thought Mila’s dress was potentially the same collection as Heidi Klum’s from the Globes, but KB thinks it’s from the same McQueen collection Michelle Obama’s dinner with the Chinese that there has been so much hubbub about.

Girl from Winter’s Bone who KB hates because that movie edged out Andrew Garfield for Supporting Actor and The Town for Best Picture at the Oscars. This totally nonsensical hatred will continue throughout the night. But this is my favorite look, I think. It’s Oscar de la Renta.

5:46 Dianna Agron is the epitome of class again, in lace and sequins. Giuliana: You went with a shorter hemline!
A minute later it appears they haven’t moved on in conversation, prompting KB to say “Are they still talking about her shorter hemline?”

Jessie will spend much of the red carpet reading aloud the E! News ticker at the bottom of the screen. Some highlights: We’ve now discovered Eric Benet is engaged to “Mariela Testosterone” and that Justin Bieber is married.

5:48 Sophia Vergara. KB: You can spot those boobs a mile away. This viewing party is quickly becoming not team Sophia.

Ed Helms tells Giuliana that he’s “just rocking the carpet, SAG awards style.”

5:51 Julie Bowen in a fucking jumpsuit. Where is Amulya?!

Giuliana: You are more dressed up than most women here, this is tre elegante.
And then there was the collective wince heard ’round the world.

5:54 Epiphany! Those awful tmobile commercials feature Fisher from Greek! And the reason I didn’t recognize him was because his hair is so horrible for a reason unbeknownest to us.

6:05 John Krasinski is, through the help of modern technology, is both talking to Giuliana and her co-host whose like, somewhere else on the red carpet. He says that this is “so interactive. This is next-level interviewing.”
Lea Michelle is certainly into the deep-v’s and low-boob these days.

Jane Lynch is wearing Neil Lane. Sean: She’s going to prom after this.
Emily: In what, 1957?
Jessie: You know what guys, maybe she didn’t get to go to prom because she was bullied.

6:10 January Jones is pretty obviously going so conservative because of the Globes dress. But it’s not Versace, it’s Carolina Herrera and I love it.

6:13 Jessie says I’m going to feminist hell because I dont like Hilary Swank. Discuss.
When Melissa Leo walks out, there are SO many moans.
Giuliana tells us she would love to be telepathic in real life. And then as Claire Danes approaches, mutters crazily under her breath “OMG pretty.” It’s good that we don’t need to be telepathic IRL to figure out what she’s thinking.

6:18 Some girl who is a correspondant and on The City star says in her British accent that Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t look good because of the black tie on her dress? “You’re not doing karate, my love.”

6:29 Giuliana gets into it with Nicole about her “attic baby”, which I did not know was a Francesca original until this very moment.

6:31 Giuliana cannot talk to Christian Bale. “How are you feeling, are you feeling like the birthday boy? Christian: Of course im feeling like the birthday boy.
Julia Stiles looks amazing! There are worse dopplegangers to have.

6:33 Winona looks like a bridesmaid who wore white and the bride hates her. She was in Black Swan?! Maybe I didn’t know that because I’m still thinking about this:

Amy Adams is in Herve Leger, but all I can do is feel sympathy for her with her slight hair tuft at the hairline of her very sleek ponytail.

6:35 James Franco is wearing amazing sunglasses that are “Steve McQueen edition.”
This just in: Geoffrey rush is still bald, but wearing a different hat.

6:40 JT is making love with himself to the camera. But he has a buzz cut, so I love it. Giuliana asks him, “Did you ever want to change your name because it was kinda longer? See what we make you think about here on E!” She also gives him a nip of whiskey to “raise the roof a little bit.”

6:43 Christina Hendricks says “I feel like im in a smoking jacket.” Consensus is that her hair is a little brassy, and she’s wearing too much makeup, but I still love it.

Jessie asks, “Is there an actual awards show thats going to happen? I feel as though it’ll just be this all night.”

It is noted that Robin Wright nee Robin Wright Penn looks good. Her hair, however, does not. Jessie: It is a bang. One bang.

Giuliana tells us that, don’t worry, “all the stars look fabulous from my vantage point.” Your vantage point of needing to suck up to them so that you get someone to talk to you on this show. Let’s end on a more refreshing point: Helena Bonham Carter is not wearing the same dress as during the Globes and says, “They’re going to rip me to shreds anyway, so I might as well make it worse.”

Images via Getty/wireimage

TTMMW: “What is it about high school, you read all the worst books by good writers”

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Keeping track of weeks for the Thelonious Monk weblog confuses me. So, let’s just start calling this feature “stuff that happened recently that is applicable to this category”, shall we? To be updated approximately weekly, as per before. This is technically week 7/8, for those trying to keep track.

1. Update:
As I know you were all chomping at the bit to hear my thoughts on the Norman Rockwell photography show at the Brooklyn Museum, it was great. Rockwell was always more of an illustrator, an amazing technician, but it was his compositional skills that really set him apart. Using photography, which he considered a crutch, was the best way to do his pieces, and getting a chance to see how that process was meticulously handled is an insight into an artist’s development in a way we don’t usually get a chance to see. Here are a few examples from the exhibit.

Additionally, Judy Chicago’s The Dinner Table, which I had only read about in the past, has a beautiful home there now. When we went, Lauren wondered why the plates became three-dimensional only towards the 19th and 20th centuries. I wasn’t sure, but a little further research showed that, “The 39 plates themselves start flat and begin to emerge in higher relief towards the very end of the chronology, meant to represent modern woman’s gradual independence and equality, though it is still not totally free of societal expectations”, says Janet Koplos in her article “The Dinner Party Revisited”, from Art in America‘s May 2003 issue.

2. I’m surprised Sarah Jessica Parker is not on this list of actresses you irrationally hate
She’s been replaced by January Jones. Unsurprisingly, Renee Zellweger make her presence known.

3. Judith Jamison leaves Alvin Ailey as artistic director
And gets a rave review from Alastair Macaulay, something that’s pretty hard to do, if we all remember the hubbub over the fat ballerina.

4. All things PIXAR
Stamps! And a well-edited video:

5. Segregation and Jazz
A fascinating behind-the-scenes look at what black performers, considered at the top of their industry, had to face before integration. [Houston History Magazine]

6. Great movie about family
Every time I watch The Squid and the Whale the more I feel like Noah Baumbach had some insight into my family, even though it shares few obvious similarities with the Berkman family. It just reeks of truth on a level that is not so much uncomfortable as so real you can’t look away.

7. Other Music News
Chuck Berry collapses during one of his shows. Get better Chuck! I need to see you to fulfill my lifelong dream.

Another weird Dylan thing turns out not to be true. [Stereogum]

Pitchfork’s albums shown, super beautifully. [Year in Reviews]

8. The best two things together
Tennis + Water [Gawker]

9.Detroit is falling apart
But at least we’re documenting it’s demise. [The Guardian]

10. The Daily Show is boss
And might be coming back to Hulu. Please please please, give me what I want:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c
The Best F#@king News Team Won’t Stop Ever
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

11. Future Almodóvar to get excited about
Sounds like a snazzier Nip/Tuck.
First Look: Antonio Banderas In Pedro Almodóvar’s ‘The Skin That I Inhabit’ [Indiewire]

12. And on a more positive note, let’s remember that even when bad things happen, good things do too:

Notes From Past To Future Selves

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Kate, circa age 10: “Goal — See Shark Born — Learn More About Sharks.”

Context: I was really into sharks, because I had just finished this ancient biography about this famous woman who was maybe the first female shark scientist? And I was all like, I can be her and learn to scuba dive to the bottom of a lagoon, like on the cover, and meet with sharks and educate people about how they are not all Jaws.

More recent context: I have been cleaning out my house. There is a lot of worthy stuff. This particular piece was just in a pile of papers from around the time I started Middle School. Apparently, I knew one day I would want to reflect on things never to be accomplished.

Relatedly: The Shark Conservation Act has finally become a law, largely due to, I’m sure, the impressive efforts of Ms. January Jones and her scintillating comments about their well-being. If I looked like this, shark-lover though I am, I might have picked a more sexy cause.
More to come. And seriously, if anyone can find that biography, or perhaps knows what woman was semi-popular in the scientific community for her work with those scary creatures, I would be much obliged.

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