Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

The 2011 Academy Awards Unlive Blog: THIS IS IT PEOPLE (Never Say Never)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7:30 Ari: Every person who says they haven’t seen any of the movies nominated has always seen Inception.

James Franco is already winning the Anne vs. James fight of who will be more funny.
Ambien in a Capri Sun?!
James Franco: I loved you in Tron. Maybe it’s not Anne’s fault she gets the worst lines.
Morgan Freeman: And so the naked girl from Love and Other Drugs and the guy from General Hospital… don’t even finish this sentence.
Alec Baldwin: You just got Inceptioned!

Delorean?! Was that J.C. Penney placement? (Note: The rest of this broadcast will be J.C. Penney placement).
Christopher: That was the first funny one in twenty years. He reminds us that Rob Lowe hosted?! Let that be expunged from his record.

7:38 Anne: It used to be, you get naked, you get nominated. Not anymore. Not anymore.
Jessie: This is indulgent (with the saying hi to their Moms in the audience). Christopher: And Anne’s mom is miced.

Lesbian jokes. James: Toy Story 3. Anne: Where’s the daddd? I wonder this all the time!

7:42 Tom Hanks and Gone with the Wind. Interesting. One of these things is not like the other. We could reference that this film included the first black person nominated but let’s not notice that.
Look at Tom Hanks against Titanic.
Art Direction, so we’re starting off with the little guys. Alice and Wonderland, which is fifth in highest grossing movies of all time. Seriously. These dudes are so nervous in their speech that they put a hat on  their Oscar.
Chris says Cinematography is contentious, because True Grit should win, but Inception wins.
Ari: Put your glasses on or off sir. “None of this would be possible without my master Christopher Nolan.” Gotta Union shout-out.

7:51 Kirk Douglas is here. Show other old people. James Franco looks much better “out of the cave.” Says to Anne Hathaway, “where were you when I was making pictures?”
Mom: Kirk Douglas has had too much plastic surgery. It’s true that he can’t really move his face. Remember when he was in Spartacus and Cher from Clueless didn’t realize that Christian liked him because he was a gay?

Best Supporting Actress. Ari: I have not seen the movie but Hailee Steinfeld should win.
Kirk: Hugh Jackman is laughing. I don’t know why everyone in Australia thinks I’m funny. Colin Firth is not laughing.
Julia: He’s a serious man.
Melissa Leo wins, which means I was wrong and her campaign to win actually worked, or at least didn’t work against her.  She gives us almost a crotch shot. Amy Adams wishes she had won too, just in case Melissa forgets that she said that Amy should win. Her shock feels so pretend to me. Kirk: You’re much more beautiful than you were in The Fighter. Are you saying white trash isn’t pretty Kirk? Thanks Amy “my sweet sister” Adams.
Mom: This is painful. We almost got a fuck! She’s so passive aggressively angry her beautiful son is not here but is instead jetting around the world like the youthful, unappreciative world-traveler that he is.
Ari: I like that her dress is reflecting on her face. Thank you to the academy because it is about SELLING MOTION PICTURES, AND REFLECTING THE WORK!
Christopher: She is out to lunch.

8:00 Sara: Stop touching your stomach, Anne.
Mom: James Franco looks underwhelmed, or over.
Kate: He’s the right kind of whelmed.
JT says, “I’m Banksy.” We laugh, a lot. Best Animated Short goes to The Lost Thing, but is upstaged by JT pretending to pull a Kirk Douglas and go into a diatribe before reading the award. Only old people get away with stunts like that.

Christopher is wearing a wifebeater. That is all. It is getting HOT IN HERRRE.
And Best Animated Picture goes to duh, Toy Story 3.  I like it when they look up and thank dead people. It’d be funnier if they looked down.

8:12 Hey remember when Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin were in that super depressed movie No Country For Old Men? Forget about it, because they look like cater-waiters right now:

Aaron Sorkin wins Best Adapted Screenplay for The Social Network. He’s such a dork and talks that way. “Roxie Sorkin, your father just won the Academy Award, I’m going to have to insist on some respect from your guinea pig.”
The King’s Speech and David Seidler win for Best Original Screenplay.
Aaron: How can you write a movie, and then win an Oscar?
Seidler says, “The writer’s speech, this is difficult. My father always said I would be a late bloomer.”
Jessie: Hahaha you’re old.

8:23 Costume change number 1, but this tuxedo is Anne’s best outfit yet.
James has good arms.
Helen Mirren looks like a DAMN. Get it, cause she’s a dame?

Mom: What a bod.
Best Foreign Language Film goes to In A Better World. Fucking Denmark. I like that blue of this ladies dress though.

8:29 Supporting Actor with Reese. I’d support her Actor. Mo’Nique must have passed on this.
Sperm is worth nothing. Discuss.
Christian Bale wins duhh. This is so predictable. He says, “Bloody hell”, so maybe he agrees with us. Ari: Wait, am I crazy, or is he not American?
He plugs Dickey. Wow. They must be besties.
Mark Wahlberg’s wife is the one I thought was Cameron Diaz guys! Stop sounding the alarms, the case is closed.
Aaron: He’s listing what sounds like a good group of friends…Boomer…Carlos.
Re: His wife, Bale says, “She’s my mast, though the storms of life. I hope I’m likewise to you.”

8:38 Oh Anne. Rachel Zoe must have really had a field day with this one.
Kate: Crazy, back in the day things were different. Oh, we’ve hit sound and technical awards.
Cool we get to see the orchestra!
Ari: This must have been a nightmare to tech!
Original Score. Kate: I want to train my dragon; it sounds so dirty or something.
Trent! and The Social Network.
Ari: I wish I could go back to 8th grade and say to Nick Krazny, “The Guy you idolize is going to win an Academy Award.” Aaron: For a movie about…the internet.

8:45 Scarlett, you’re funny. Where are Brad and Angelina up in this biz, I notice with the first mention of Salt. Jessie: Raising their children with x’s in their names.
Lesbians! Win for Inception and Sound Mixing.
Thanks the “…Union, of course.” And also “Of course, the mighty Christopher Nolan.” He must require everyone to say this.
Sound Editing. “Mmhm” says shirtless man Matt who is overly tanned and in that movie about the Lincoln Lawyer, which is not a period film about Lincoln and his legal troubles but about an unconventional lawyer who conducts business from his towncar.
Aaron: I wonder what the percentage is on these awards being nominated in pairs?
“I owe this a thousand percent to Chris Nolan.” Jessie: I think this is their way of being like, F U, for Chris Nolan.

8:53 Christopher: He’s so weird looking.
NERD AWARDS with Marisa Tomei. James: All right, congratulations nerds. He is WINNING this thing. His Twitter feed is too.
I thought Katherine Hepburn and Bob Dylan were magically going to be on the stage at the same time, but it’s just Cate Blanchett presenting.
Nathan: Cate Blanchett looks like she’s magically got Dip ‘n’ Dots on her dress.
Make-up. This is such a weak category this season. “That’s gross,” says Cate to the last shot. The Wolfman wins.
To the bud on the right, Christopher says, “Dye your mustache if you’re not going to dye anything else.”
“It was always my ambition to lose an Oscar one day to Rick Baker. This is better.”
Alice and Wonderland wins for Costume Design. Surprise! Ugh I just wanted to see the woman who dressed Tilda impeccably up there. Helena Bonham Carter look confused on whether she should get up. Sweetie, you shouldn’t.
Stiff read award. But they clap? Very nice gloves. Ari: She’s a costume designer.

Aaron: Barack Obama just destroyed everyone.

9:03 Randy Newman you’re so weird. Aaron: God I love this mutherfucker, look at him.
Tangled! Marchesa dress, Mandy Moore? This is too cute.
Francesca: CHUCK?
Kate: Oh my god guys I’m really emotional right now. Who knew Zach Levi had this good a voice? I mean, I saw the film and all, but this is too much.

Ari: This Stella Artois Adrien Brody commercial sucks.

9:11 “Wow what a great year for docs….” Was it?  Strangers No More wins for Short Doc.
Mom: I also have never seen these people. OMG it’s the usual bleeding heart doc speech. Of course, thank HBO’s Shelia Nevins. Buddy Squires cinematographer. I can’t take it. Too precious. (She’s overwhelmed, in case you can’t tell.)
Kate won this round (Best Live Action Short Doc)! I liked the title: God of Love. Woah, this dude should have got a haircut and knows it! He thanks “NYU’s Graduate Film Program. The rest of the crew which I’ll thank on the thank you cam after. Finally my mother who did craft services for the film. My dad, the great state of Delaware.” Best speech of the night?
So much fringe on Anne! Rachel Zoe is so pleased.

What is this Harry Potter remix? Who cares, because You know what’s cool? A BILLION dollars.

“He Doesn’t Own A Shirt” For Twilight. I seriously have no idea what this is but I’m into it.
Mom: This show is too creative for its own good.

9:19 Oprah, looking bangalanging. “What if Oprah is Banksy?”
Inside Job, the we hate capitalism movie, wins for Best Documentary Feature, which means Kate wins, let’s all be happy.
She looks happy. Documentary dude makes it political. He also says,”Let the record show, I’m not wearing jeans.” I predict that this was a big fight with his wife before he left the house.

9:24 David Carr and A.O. Scott are sharing chips that did not come from a Brooklyn co-op. Props NYTimes liveblog, for further letting me dream that they hang out like this in real life.

9:26 Billy Crystal, finally. Get off the stage Anne. She’s just too eager.
Let’s look back to the good old days! It’s a little sad they have to rest on Bob Hope performing like fifty years ago for this show to be funny.

9:31 Nathan: Jude’s hair is going. Kate: His hair is gone. It’s not going anywhere.
Special Effects goes to Inception, duh. Boring. Jude and RDJr. look bored too. I wonder how much they are actually bros.
Film Editing, my favorite category. The Social Network wins! Their first nomination was for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Good thing that they made that movie slightly better than the horror it would have been.

9:41How to Train Your Dragon, that’s disgusting” says James. We are ONE MIND.
Florence (and the Machine). Christopher: She does look Trans.
GWENETH. She’s an actress not a singer, so she does not know what to do during her performance.
Ari: Pop pop! Randy Newman wins, duh.
Randy Newman: I don’t want to thank these people. I want to be good television, as you can see.

9:52 In Memoriam with Celine Dion.
Nice “Stormy Weather” reference with Lena Horne.

10:01 Hilary, who will never win again, Swank.
Best Director. I really like Katherine Bigelow’s dress. Kate: She just turned down Spiderman. Aaron: Hilary Swank? Jessie: Hilary Swank, cast as Spiderman.
Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech! Upset! Christopher picked it though. He references “The triangle of man-love” that made up this film. Jessie wants to be in that triangle. Sean: I call shoddy.
He notes there have been a lot of mom thanks, but his is different. Hilary’s face says “Aww what a fun story!” in the back.
“And the moral of the story is: Listen to your mother.”

10:05 Annette Bening’s dress is weird.
Hey remember when Eli Wollach won a very similar Lifetime Achievement award in The Holiday? This looks like a fun party.
Ari: Old men at the Oscars is my favorite thing. Jessie: Especially when dumb bitches steal their canes.
Aaron: Look at that tie! Why is Francis Ford Coppola such a swag monster?

10:11 James is so pleased with himself.
Jeff Bridges is here to discuss Best Actress. They always talk to these people on a first name basis here, which I find weirdly personal. Annette Bening just winked and went “Mwah” at the camera. It pans to Nicole Kidman but we’re more interested in Andrew Garfield who looks FIERCE in the back.
Darren “Pedostache” Arronosfky lurking behind Jennifer Lawrence. She’s like “Of all the clips to pick!” when they show this super weird depressing one of her in Winter’s Bone.
Nathan: But Natalie Portman, you’re horrible in Star Wars. And she wins. And kisses Millipede, who helps her on stage.
Aaron: But what if this kid is a fuck-up?
Ari: This kid is the new Maddox Jolie….Every child actor wants to be their Natalie Portman.
She says that her husband “has now given me the most important role of my life”…being a mama.
Alex: Well she had to thank everyone. Thanks camera man, my make-up artist, the guy who held the door for me yesterday, and the barista who gives me extra caramel.

10:19 Sandra’s nostrils look like she does coke. Says to Javier Bardem, “When you won your Oscar for No Country For Old Men, you managed to inspire a whole country with just a haircut.”
Sandra asks “the dude” if he would give this award to someone else because he does not deserve to win two years in a row.
Then we get a shot of JT and Jesse Eisenberg. This is such a great tableau.
Colin Firth, go home, says Sandra. But he wins Best Actor! “I have a feeling my career’s just peaked.”
He’s SO DRY — “When I was a child sensation.” Thanks Tom Ford; Chris and I groove. “Olivia, for putting up with my fleeting delusions of royalty…Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some impulses I’m going to give in to backstage.” This sounds dirty, but he just means dancing.
Jessie is worried that P.S. 22 is going to be sleepy. I’m worried that they’re missing school.

10:31 Anne, tone it down. She’s worn that dress before.

The montage of all the movies nominated for Best Picture was weird, but very well-edited and set to a speech from The King’s Speech. Of course that wins, and the Brit’s take everything.
Helena seems to indicate that Tom Hooper’s on the opposite side of the stage than where the producer’s think he is. Oh producers.
Emily: I like his hair. Kate: Very well tended.
Jessie (re: James): Someone already started drinking.

P.S. 22 did not get to practice a lot I believe, they are running all over the place.
And then all the winners come out on stage? So weird.
Jessie: Wizard of Oz. We’ve reached Oz.
Francesca: Glad like four women won tonight.
Alex: I’m hoping for District 9 To come through and collect what it deserved last year.

FINAL COUNTDOWN: It was an amazing race to the death, with Blake winning again! With 18 correct answers (does he have an inside man at the academy) Christopher coming in at 16, and Francesca in third place with 15. Emily was next with 12, Jessie/Sean at 10 because obviously they needed to vote together, and Kate sadly came in last at 7 but only because she desperately wanted some upsets, people. We’ll never know how KB did because she bailed and did not fill out her ballot but Blake: It’s time. Take over SGST for a day (maybe two now). Your public awaits.

The Oscars: OR Will Facebook Take Over Every Aspect Of Our Lives?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

SERIOUS predictions here. The moment is almost here. It’s Oscar time! (I just paraphrased Giuliana Rancic, kill me now).

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Javier Bardem, Biutiful
Jeff Bridges, True Grit
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
James Franco, 127 Hours

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Christian Bale, The Fighter — Christopher, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
John Hawkes, Winter’s Bone
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Mark Ruffalo, The Kids Are All Right
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech — Emily

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right — Emily
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone — Jessie/Sean
Natalie Portman, Black Swan — Christopher, Francesca, Blake
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine — Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE FOR AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Amy Adams, The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
Melissa Leo, The Fighter — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit –Francesca
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom — Christopher, Kate

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist

Toy Story 3 — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake (What Whaaaat).

ACHIEVEMENT IN ART DIRECTION
Alice in Wonderland — Francesca , Kate
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 — Jessie, Sean
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Blake
The King’s Speech
True Grit

ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAHY
Black Swan, Matthew Libatique — Emily, Jessie/Sean
Inception, Wally Pfister — Christopher
The King’s Speech, Danny Cohen — Kate
The Social Network, Jeff Cronenweth
True Grit, Roger Deakins — Francesca, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN
Alice in Wonderland, Colleen Atwood — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake
I Am Love, Antonella Cannarozzi — Kate
The King’s Speech, Jenny Beavan — Christopher, Francesca
The Tempest, Sandy Powell
True Grit, Mary Zophres

ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING
Black SwanDarren Aronofsky — Emily
The Fighter David O. Russell
The King’s Speech Tom Hooper — Christopher
The Social Network David Fincher — Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
True Grit Joel Coen and Ethan Coen

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
Exit through the Gift Shop — Emily
Gasland
Inside Job
— Blake, Kate
Restrepo — Christopher
Waste Land — Francesca

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT
Killing in the Name
Poster Girl — Christopher, Emily, Francesca
Strangers No More — Blake
Sun Come Up
The Warriors of Qiugang
— Kate

ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING
Black Swan Andrew Weisblum
The Fighter Pamela Martin
The King’s Speech Tariq Anwar
127 Hours Jon Harris — Jessie/Sean, Kate
The Social Network Angus Wall and Kirk Baxter — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Blake

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Biutiful — Emily
Dogtooth
In a Better World — Francesca, Blake
Incendies — Christopher, Kate
Outside the Law (Hors-la-loi) — Jessie/Sean (“Wanna just pick the one in French?”)

ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKE-UP
Barney’s Version, Adrien Morot — Kate
The Way Back, Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
The Wolfman, Rick Baker and Dave Elsey — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (SCORE)
How to Train Your Dragon, John Powell
Inception, Hans Zimmer
The King’s Speech, Alexandre Desplat
127 Hours, A.R. Rahman
The Social Network, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake

ACHIEVEMENT IN MUSIC WRITTEN FOR MOTION PICTURES (ORIGINAL SONG)
“Coming Home” from Country Strong, Music and Lyric by Tom Douglas, Troy Verges and
Hillary Lindsey — Christopher, Kate
“I See the Light” from Tangled, Music by Alan Menken, Lyric by Glenn Slater
“If I Rise” from 127 Hours, Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Dido and Rollo Armstrong — Francesca
“We Belong Together” from Toy Story 3, Music and Lyric by Randy Newman — Emily, Jessie/Sean, Blake

BEST MOTION PICTURE OF THE YEAR
Black Swan — Emily
The Fighter
Inception

The Kids Are All Right
The King’s Speech — Christopher, Francesca
127 Hours
The Social Network
— Jessie/Sean, Kate, Blake
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter’s Bone

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
Day & Night — Francesca, Blake
The Gruffalo — Christopher, Kate
Let’s Pollute
The Lost Thing

Madagascar, carnet de voyage (Madagascar, a Journey Diary) — Emily

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
The Confession — Francesca
The Crush — Emily
God of Love — Christopher, Kate
Na Wewe — Blake
Wish 143

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Blake, Kate
Toy Story 3
Tron: Legacy
— Jessie/Sean
True Grit
Unstoppable

ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING
Inception — Francesca
The King’s Speech — Blake
Salt
The Social Network — Christopher, Emily, Kate
True Grit

ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS
Alice in Wonderland
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
— Kate
Hereafter
Inception — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake
Iron Man 2

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
127 Hours, Screenplay by Danny Boyle & Simon Beaufoy
The Social Network, Screenplay by Aaron Sorkin — Christopher, Emily, Francesca, Jessie/Sean, Blake, Kate
Toy Story 3, Screenplay by Michael Arndt, Story by John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton and Lee Unkrich
True Grit, Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
Winter’s Bone, Adapted for the screen by Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Another Year, Written by Mike Leigh
The Fighter, Screenplay by Scott Silver and Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson, Story by Keith Dorrington & Paul Tamasy & Eric Johnson
Inception, Written by Christopher Nolan — Emily, Jessie/Sean
The Kids Are All Right, Written by Lisa Cholodenko & Stuart Blumberg — Kate
The King’s Speech, Screenplay by David Seidler — Christopher, Francesca, Blake

The Bachelor Unexpectedly Prompts Stirrings Of Thought

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I caught The Bachelor Monday night at the gym, and though I hadn’t watched any of this season I was hooked after about 5 minutes (sigh). Most notably, when funeral director contestant Shawntel Newton was being interviewed, I saw that her hometown was none other than Chico, CA: my hometown. She works at a funeral home owned by her family and another Chico family. I went to middle school with the son of the other family (I remember him because I had a big crush on one of his friends. I had the makings of a FB stalker pre-Facebook, apparently). What’s more: internet spoilers say she’s getting a hometown date. Woo. Chico hasn’t been featured so prominently since the original Robin Hood (and that Playboy 1987 party school ranking)! Oh yeah wait, and the Green Bay QB who’s also from Chico. Anyway…

The fact that Shawntel is from Chico was just a (greatly) fun fact for me, but I started thinking more about it because of a few other things on my mind the past week. Namely: Emily’s blog post about the toys marketed to girls, an interaction between a teacher I observe for work and her female students, and David McCandless analysis of Facebook statuses to see which time of the year is prone to breakups, which was published a while ago but came back into memory because we’re nearing Valentine’s Day.

Shawntel Newton and I grew up in the same place, about one year apart in age. Chico is fairly homogenous amid the middle class population and small (about 100,000 people), so we were likely to have been brought up under similar cultural experiences and expectations (outside of family). There were only a handful of elementary schools and two middle schools in town at the time. What’s more, our families knew some of the same people. Obviously there are still many contributing factors to make us different people – particularly family, which I can’t use as a comparing factor at all (and I do have to mention that I left Chico at 14 for Tennessee, so at high school the surrounding similarities go out the window) – but nevertheless, having this much in common in childhood, especially things that are so essential to social understanding (schooling, friends, the kind of people you see around you every day, the cultural markers, town haunts, one of a kind places that make a town unique and that shape those who grow up within it) makes me suddenly think very seriously about The Bachelor. No, not about competing, but about why people compete. Normally when I considered this question, my answer was easy: these are crazy fame seekers, or, even easier…these are DBs (Dumb Bitches, for those of you not in the know). But now, someone whose background I partly share in is a serious contender on The Bachelor. Suddenly, instead of assuming that the people who compete are of course not like anyone I would ever know, it’s quite the opposite.

The Bachelor can be compelling because it mixes the possibility for fame with the childhood fantasy of romance and a “prince charming.”  These are powerful motivators. They’re powerful motivators that have an inception in the Disney movies on which our generation of girls was brought up. Even Mulan, different because she succeeded in a traditionally male role, still earned herself fame…and a prince. (It’s true. He’s not a prince; he’s the son of a general. But you know what? Until I re-watched the movie a few months ago, I had remembered him as a prince. That’s what we remember.) But could these childhood princess fantasies really still be at play in the minds of (some of) these women, now in their 20s and 30s? That’s where I thought of Emily’s post from earlier this week: what kind of cultural messages or expectations are set up for girls via their toys? Luckily we didn’t have to deal with Bratz dolls back in the day, but it was before Barbie got her boobs-to-scale makeover, and when classic Disney princess movies were still being churned out regularly (not to say that I don’t love them).

This brought to mind another scene that I watched recently, one that made me think about the implicit messages we pick up as children, in social interactions and the culture we intake, be it through toys, movies, or the people we see every day. Part of my job is to observe public school teachers implementing an online math program. One of the teachers I see works in a computer lab, so she has multiple classes coming in throughout the day. When any class enters, she instructs the boys to pull out the girls’ chairs. The girls sit down, and then the boys push their chairs in for them. The girls say thank you, and then the boys can be seated. This is repeated in reverse at the end of class. On my most recent visit, the situation was too paradoxical not to find concerning. “Boys, pull out the ladies’ chairs for them. Ladies, you should never have to touch your chair.” Later, when the boys were pulling the chairs back out at the end of class, with the girls still seated in them: “Ladies, don’t make the boys do all the work themselves. Some of us are heavier than others.” Wait. What I had first thought was pretty adorable (they were second graders, after all) had just become problematic. Is this thrice-weekly mantra seeping into their subconscious little by little, throughout the 5 schooling years they spend in that computer lab, and affecting how they interact with the opposite gender? Did our childhood years spent obsessing over Disney movies and Barbie and Ken actually help form our idea of love in our own futures? Or is Shawntel Newton just another fame-seeking lady who happens to be from the same town as I am, another anomaly?

It’s probably the latter (especially since we can blame high school, college and after for the heartache that might serve to make someone motivated enough to be on The Bachelor) but that doesn’t mean that those childhood hours spent playing house with Barbie and Ken or singing along to “Part of Your World” at sleepovers — or that the odd “role model” in your childhood who told you you were fat while simultaneously telling you to let men do everything for you — aren’t greatly affecting our individual manifestations of gender roles, and expectations of the part each sex should have in a romantic relationship. And by signing up for The Bachelor, a woman is actually signing up for dating someone and the possibility of having a romantic relationship with him. A romantic relationship with someone she’s not met. How could anyone sign up for that unless a part of her still believed that “Disney” love was possible?  (Thanks for the irony, world:  The Bachelor is an ABC show so it’s actually produced by Disney.)

But let’s talk about the part of one’s love history that comes after childhood, the part of life where I can no longer compare my cultural upbringing to that of Shawntel Newton. Here’s where I was reminded of David McCandless Facebook status analysis, which finds that break-up season comes twice a year: the holidays and spring break. The numbers start to rise again right around now. How does that relate to The Bachelor? Well, personally I have no Facebook friends who update their status about breakups.  Who are the 10,000 people producing the break-up statuses that McCandless analyzed? Relationships are playing out in the public domain, via Facebook, The Bachelor, etc, and clearly there are thousands of people not only watching but participating by publicizing their own relationships, or participating in relationships that are almost entirely public. So what happens to today’s girls who have The Bachelor instead of Disney princess movies; how much more public can they make their future relationships? (American media, this is not a challenge.) Whether it’s the childhood toys and movies that still flit through the subconscious or the quarter-life breakups at work, a girl with whom I shared a fairly small childhood landscape is a Bachelor contestant, and the publicizing of our most personal moments has taken another step to becoming normal.

Golden Globes Ballot: OR, Will Jennifer Love Hewitt Win For The Client List?

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Let’s start with a blank slate. A slate of the most important and only interesting categories as follows, with the only people who matter predicting.

BEST MOTION PICTURE — DRAMA
Black Swan — Emily
The Fighter
Inception

The King’s Speech — Christopher, Francesca
The Social Network — KB, Blake, Jessie, Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice
Nicole Kidman, Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone — Jessie
Natalie Portman, Black Swan — KB, Blake, Christopher, Emily
Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine — Francesca, Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech — KB, Blake, Christopher, Francesca, Emily, Jessie, Kate
James Franco, 127 Hours
Ryan Gosling, Blue Valentine
Mark Wahlberg, The Fighter

BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alice in Wonderland
Burlesque

The Kids Are All Right — KB, Blake, Christopher, Francesca, Emily, Kate
Red
The Tourist

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right — KB, Blake, Christopher, Emily
Anne Hathaway, Love and Other Drugs
Angelina Jolie, The Tourist
Julianne Moore, The Kids Are All Right — Francesca
Emma Stone, Easy A — Jessie (“I feel obligated, I mean, right? Kate: Agreed.)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Wow. These choices are just WOW. I can’t even choose. I refuse.
Johnny Depp, Alice in Wonderland — Blake
Johnny Depp, The Tourist
Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version — Emily
Jake Gyllenhaal, Love and Other Drugs — Christopher
Kevin Spacey, Casino Jack — KB, Francesca, Jessie

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Despicable Me
How to Train Your Dragon
The Illusionist
Tangled
Toy Story 3
— Duh, everyone.

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Amy Adams, The Fighter — Francesca
Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
Mila Kunis, Black Swan
Melissa Leo, The Fighter — KB, Blake, Christopher, Emily, Jessie
Jacki Weaver, Animal Kingdom — Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Christian Bale, The Fighter — Blake, Christopher, Francesca, Emily, Jessie, Kate
Michael Douglas, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Jeremy Renner, The Town
Geoffrey Rush, The King’s Speech — KB

BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
Darren Aronofsky, Black Swan — KB
David Fincher, The Social Network — Blake, Christopher, Francesca, Kate
Tom Hooper, The King’s Speech
Christopher Nolan, Inception — Emily, Jessie
David O. Russell, The Fighter

BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
Danny Boyle, Simon Beaufoy, 127 Hours
Lisa Cholodenko, Stuart Blumberg, The Kid’s Are All Right
Christopher Nolan, Inception — Emily
David Seidler, The King’s Speech — Jessie
Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network — KB, Blake, Christopher Shea, Francesca, Kate

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
Alexandre Desplat, The King’s Speech — Blake
Danny Elfman, Alice in Wonderland
A.R. Rahman, 127 Hours
Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, The Social Network — Jessie, Kate
Hans Zimmer, Inception — Christopher, Francesca, Emily

BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“Bound To You”, Burlesque
Music by: Samuel DixonLyrics by: Christina Aguilera, Sia Furler
“Coming Home”, Country Strong — Jessie
Music & Lyrics by: Bob DiPiero, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsey, Troy Verges
“I See The Light”, Tangled — KB, Francesca, Emily
Music by: Alan Menken Lyrics by: Glenn Slater
“There’s A Place For Us”, Chronicle of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Music & Lyrics by: Carrie Underwood, David Hodges, Hillary Lindsey
“You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me”, Burlesque — Blake, Christopher
Music & Lyrics by: Diane Warren

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Boardwalk Empire (HBO) — Blake, Francesca, Jessie
Dexter (SHO)
The Good Wife (CBS) — KB, Christopher, Kate
Mad Men (AMC) — Emily
The Walking Dead (AMC)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife — Blake, Christopher, Emily, Jessie
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men — KB
Piper Perabo, Covert Affairs (Kate: Please!)
Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer — Francesca, Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire — Kate
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad — Francesca, Jessie
Michael C. Hall, Dexter — Christopher
Jon Hamm, Mad Men — KB, Blake, Emily
Hugh Laurie, House

BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
30 Rock (NBC)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
The Big C (SHO) — Francesca
Glee (FOX) — Kate
Modern Family (ABC) — KB, Blake, Christopher, Emily, Jessie
Nurse Jackie (SHO)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES –COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Toni Collete, United States of Tara — Jessie
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie — Christopher
Tina Fey, 30 Rock — Francesca, Emily
Laura Linney, The Big C — KB, Blake
Lea Michele, Glee

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock — Francesca, Emily, Jessie
Steve Carell, The Office
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matthew Morrison, Glee
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory — KB, Blake, Christopher, Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Hayley Atwell, Pillars of the Earth
Claire Danes, Temple Grandin — Kate
Judi Dench, Return to Cranford
Romola Garai, Emma
Jennifer Love Hewitt, The Client List (Kate: PLEASEEE)

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Hope Davis, The Special Relationship — Emily
Jane Lynch, Glee — Blake, Christopher
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire — Francesca
Julia Stiles, Dexter — Jessie
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family — KB, Kate

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Scott Caan, Hawaii Five-O
Chris Colfer, Glee — Blake
Chris Noth, The Good Wife — Kate
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family — Christopher, Francesca, Emily, Jessie
David Stratharin, Temple Grandin — KB

© 2009 Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things. All Rights Reserved.

This blog is powered by Wordpress and Magatheme by Bryan Helmig.