Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

The Grammys 2011: Lady Gaga Emerges From The Egg

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7:00 Barbara Streisand is going to be here? Why?
LL Cool J introduces this tribute to Aretha Franklin, because he has won a Grammy, is black, and also on a CBS show. Kate: Wouldn’t it have been awesome is LL hadn’t spelled RESPECT correctly during his intro? A girl can dream. Whatever, the tribute to Aretha is great. I cried.
KB: This is the greatest group of people ever! They include Jennifer Hudson, Martina McBride, Florence without her Machine, Yolanda Adams (who everyone was like “Gigga what?!” but is a Gospel singer, and Christina Aguilera, who appears to be in front of a microphone stand made of anal beads. But it’s all good; this is an amazing medley and why we watch the Grammys. It will all be downhill from here (Note: It mostly was).
KB: They are paying tribute to Aretha with their crazy outfits. Jessie: But no crazy hats.
“Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves!” It would be great if they brought Annie Lennox out right now but they won’t.

I wish I was watching The First Wives Club right now. Aretha comes on in a prerecorded video to thank everyone for “the flowers, beautiful flowers.”

Aretha’s touching moment and a lovely performance was swiftly ruined by this ad: “This Valentine’s Day, why give a diamond when you can give the family jewels?”

7:21 It is literally all downhill from here now. We all plan to now go get drunk by ourselves in separate bars because Train just won for “Hey Soul Sister.” They do seem to show a little self-awareness in their acceptance speeches, thanking “Justin Bieber for not being a duo or group” and some dude at the record label “who gave us another chance.” They are thankfully drowned out by some sort of organ music?

Ricky Martin shows up, wearing the aforementioned silver pants. Jessie: We can all eat our words, they are jeans, Ricky Martin. He pronounces Lady Gaga’s name “Ga Ga.”

It appears this egg is maybe more of a cocoon? She sounds amazing live, as per the usual, and has a lovely set of interpretive dancers.
Jessie: Yea she’s whipping her hair!
She also has some sort of interesting sidestep dance going on? And then serenades us with a little organ interlude, perhaps the theme of the night. Jessie: Guys, Bach is with us at the Grammys. (BTW, Kate is related to him, itsnobigdeal.
Sean: She can come in an egg anytime she wants.

7:33 I just viscerally reacted to Blake what’s his last name, who is married to Miranda Lambert. He says some inappropriate thing that Jessie thinks “means I was inside of her 20 minutes ago. Oh wait they are married!” We then have a conversation about how funny it was when Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thorton did that at some awards show in the limo on the way there.
Wake me up in 10 minutes, she’s performing. There’s some sort of photo montage in the background we’re mostly unimpressed with, but Jessie points out that “They’re probably Iraq veterans, assholes.”
KB: Because they’re country. Except here’s the thing, I think she’s ugly, and that’s my problem with her.

7:38 Lenny Kravitz looks good. I hope they cut to Nicole Kidman (Note: They did not. How come at every awards show, when Jennifer Aniston is presenting, they show Angelina placidly staring at the stage, but they can’t remind us of those weird days when Nicole and Lenny were a couple?)

7:49 “Music always needs new stars,” Ryan Seacrest tells us. With that, we get B.o.B wearing a monocle! A monocle! My Mom used to joke that I would have to get one because my eyes were such different prescription but they totally evened out so HAH TAKE THAT MOTHER. He drops it off when he sings “ended up with none.” None more the monocle.
And Bruno Mars gets his performance in Black and White. He’s done an old-school rendition of “Grenade” that’s a little pitchy, especially at the end, but super cool. Cyndi Lauper is pleased.

7:59 At least Miranda Lambert thanked the songwriters and kept it short when she won.
“Up next: Justin Bieber and his mentor Usher take the stage.”
I have counted 3 Taylor Swift commercials thus far. Go home Taylor.

8:06 J. Biebz is singing “Baby” but it sounds like he’s singing “Bieber Bieber Bieberrrr.” I totally would buy a conspiracy theory arguing that he’s merely promoting a cultish agenda. The Pinkett-Smith’s are beaming as Jayden joins him on stage, because I guess Jayden redid The Karate Kid and Justin provided vocals.
Sean: This is like Kidz Bop
Jessie: There are not enough ways for you to love me, Usher.

8:14 Muse wins, so Christina is happy, and one of them “would like to give a shoutout to my beautiful pregnant girlfriend over there.” We get it dude: You knocked her up. Congrats.

8:21 This is so awkward that Best Pop Vocal is being introduced by Selena Gomez. KB points out that what if Justin wins? Are they going to make-out? CBS is sure hoping so.

We’ll never know the beginning of what Gaga said because these censors are just being very loose with bleeping, but thank god Justin Bieber didn’t win.

I have a theory that smiling at all times in required in the Pinkett-Smith household. They are always beaming.
Gaga says that when writing this track she “imagined whitney houston was singing this because I wasn’t brave enough.” I want a Whitney response, and ASAP.
CBS interrupts the show with fucking David Letterman doing one of his patented not funny Top 10 lists. This cross promotion is ridiculous.
The Avery Brothers come on, finally giving us something not remotely Top 40. They sing to us, “If youre loved by someone you’re never rejected.”

8:30 We finally get the promised Bob Dylan performance, which of course everyone hates because he doesn’t sounds like he used to, but can I point out that he’s never been the most consistent. He sings “Maggie’s Farm” in some lovely sneakers, with Mumford & Sons, which means that MC’s happy. I like his special harmonica mic. Neil Young stands up and claps at the end, while J. Lo looks bored and pissed. Stars: They never really surprise you.

Ad for the Wisconsin Dells tells us that “after you vacation in the Waterpark Capital of the world, you’ll never look at water the same way again.” I am actually dying to go.

8:43 Lady Antebellum performs “Need You Now” which is a very truthful song about being drunk late at night and missing someone, but that doesn’t make it good.
Miley Cyrus and the Kings of Leon are presenting Best Country Album together. Why not. Kings of Leon then win, and we see them freaking out backstage. It would have been cooler, if a lot meaner, to see them losing.

8:47 Cee-Lo, Gweneth Paltrow, and the Muppets? What could be better? Group consensus is that these are definitely Jim Henson lite, or the poorman’s Muppets, but a little research proves that they are indeed his work.
They just bleeped the puppets singing the N word. That’s a first.
Gweneth does a very convincing “Ooh I really hate your ass right now!” Her shoes are amazing. We get into an argument about how much choice celebrities have when picking out their clothes with a stylist. If The Rachel Zoe Project is anything to go off of, the stylists just do the heavy lifting.
Cee-Lo, who probs didn’t have a stylist for his outfit, looks like a “Cher abominable snowman” according to Jessie.

8:57 Katy Perry performs. One lone hand in the audience keeps reaching out to her, it’s beautiful.
The backdrop is images of KP’s wedding to Russell Brand. KB sceams “Yes!” Katy Perry tells us that “Teenage Dream” “goes out to all the Valentine lovers.” She mimes the line “one touch” scandalously. And then we see Nicole Kidman singing along!
KB asks: Kidman or Paltrow: who rehabbed their image better?
Jessie: Katy’s control is awful. Look how she’s not belting the high notes.

9:02 John Mayer, Norah Jones and Keith Urban performing “Jolene” in honor of Dolly Parton, who received a Lifetime Achievement award tonight. Awesome. John wisely says that he’s “going to stick to the script.” Here’s a not-horrible version of it:

And then that beautiful performance was followed by yet another win for “Need You Now.” Doesn’t anyone notice that this song is awful?

9:12 Kate: Is Eminem wearing a beeper?
KB: Probably because those were popularized the last time he was at the Grammys. Burn.
He said fuck and they didn’t catch it! Take that, censors. I wonder who will literally or figuratively pay for that.
Is that Evanescence with him? Christina says it’s this girl who was in another song with Fort Minor, that band started by that guy in Linkin Park. They’re singing a new song “I Need A Doctor”, and it’s with Dr. Dre. Oh I get it!
Jessie: Dre is Eminem’s Usher to Bieber.

9:21 Shock on the Biebz face when Esperanza Spalding won was crazy. The fact that no one in this category is a new artist seems to bother no one. Immediately after the win, it appears that crazed Bieber fans wreaked havoc to Spalding’s Wikipedia page, which is unfortunate, because she’s incredibly talented.

Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding’s Wikipedia Page [Gawker]

9:32 It’s time for the people who died this year. Fun as usual.

9:34 KB: Who is wearing a cape? Oh, Mick Jagger, duh.
Jessie: I want a count of how many times his name has been rhymed with Swagger. Off the top of my head it’s 2, but I bet it’s much more.
KB: He is wearing sneakers.
Kate: I wondered about the shoes; they look Nike.

9:45 Kris Kristofferson (who looks remarkably like Jeff Bridges, but maybe that’s because I watched The Big Lebowski today) introduces Barbara Streisand by saying “She’s sweetened our lives…like the music did our life.”
Kate: This is so boring.
Christina: Can we fast-forward please?
Jessie: It’s sad because I was like, wait, can we?
Please note that here have been like two awards.

9:50 Will.i.am introduces the award for Best Rap Album, but seems to not realize that “since the inception of this award” is pretty meaningless as it is only a few years old.
Eminem wins! And is unemotional as usual.
Finally! Beyonce! KB: Why you gotta playa hate. (Note: I have no idea why she said this. The growler was finished awhile before).

Apparently they are BFFLs, according to KB and some People magazine article quoting an anonymous and bullshit source she read like six months ago.

9:58 I like that the song choice that is played as “Puff Daddy” walks up is “I Need A Girl.” His teeth look weird. Debate is had over why he is introduced as Puff Daddy, and it is settled that that’s probably the name he won his Grammys in.
Rihanna and Drake perform in front of a timber pile. Rihanna brings out the Rude Boy dance, thank god. I really wish she and Drake would reconcile as more than just collaborators. I never realized that in “What’s My Name” the exact lyrics are “Say my name, say my name — wear it out.”

10:02 Jenny from the Block has to remind us that she’s married to Marc Anthony. They really make me appreciate couples who are rarely seen together.
“The song otherwise known as ‘Forget You'” is nominated. Someone had a field day with that one.
LADY ANTEBELLUM WINS AGAIN. They are shaking their heads in disbelief. Please shake your heads Lady Antebellum, we at home are as well. BOORRRRRINNGG.
The next episode of Criminal Minds is about a life coach that turns deadly. I may watch this.

10:11 Jason Segel is like “Why am I here introducing Arcade Fire? Oh wait I’m on How I Met Your Mother.

10:20 KB gets very upset about the Chrysler commercial because of their 90 spot during the Super Bowl that was paid for with taxpayer dollars that they have Chrysler has not paid back from the bailout thankyouverymuch.
Barbara and Kris Kristofferson, together at last!
What if Katy Perry won album of the year?! I wonder what Bob Dylan would think/say/emote?
Oh but we never have to worry because Arcade Fire wins for “The Suburbs”, a place that no one who listens to them ever wants to go back to.

That was perhaps the worst display of awards handed out I’ve seen in my young life. To make yourself feel better/worse about what crap it all is, read this Slate article that KB could not stop talking about as we whined about the injustice about it all about, well, the injustice of it all. And stay tuned for a short breakdown of artists that won awards and that we should be excited about.

Burlesque V. Tangled

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she must switch from watching poorly executed animated films about princesses to poorly everything films about, well, grown-up princesses. Or you can be like me and never grow up and get the best of both worlds. What does that consist of, you might ask? Watching both Tangled and Burlesque in the same week, and thoroughly enjoying both of them!

Well, truth be told, I actually enjoyed tangled more. Behold, a comparison of what it means to have female genitalia in this day and age:

BURLESQUE
Though these two posts have funnier and probably more comprehensive notes about the more hilarious aspects of Burlesque (respectively, its similarity to Showgirls, a cinematic classic that is now available on Netflix Instant, and the prominent role of gay men in the movie), there is still much to be said about Cher’s triumphant return to screen. Though I’m a huge fan of Cher’s based solely upon “Believe“, I do sort of agree with my father and think she’s a better actress than musician. If you disagree, watch either Moonstruck or Mask and call me up laughing/crying afterward. A large portion of the Lower East Side of Manhattan must be on my side, because when Megan and I went to see it, there were a number of high maintenance male couples attending. Why high maintenance? Apparently, it’s not appropriate to talk when “The 20” is airing 10 minutes before the previews have even started. Go figure.

It should be noted that these days I would watch Cher perform merely because she’s more interesting to look at than pretty. Her face is really something to behold. She stares at you, unblinkingly, and looks like some sort of bird of prey, or an alien life form, or maybe a really weird baby. But she’s least interesting when alone; her one number that she tiredly belts from an empty stage was incredibly boring. The only interesting part of it was that I could not for the life of me figure out who the DJ was, and upon googling it, I realize that he is Terrence Jenkins, Khloe’s co-host of “Khloe After Dark”, her radio show in Miami, who constantly has to cover for her when she’s late.

Other important males: Stanley Tucci, the gay costumer, who, while referencing one drunk night he had with Cher’s character, made me dream of a night in Vegas that was magical with him as well; Alan Cumming, in a brief cameo that was very much appreciated and made me realize what a ridiculously versatile actor he is; Cam Gigandet, who I always want to call Cam Gidget, and who looks better with eyeliner; and Eric Dane, who I will always remember most fondly from Valentine’s Day as a closeted gay football player. Generally though, it was the females who were more stronger and more interesting the males; Christina Aguilera takes up practically every single scene.

The movie was directed by Steven Antin, who is the brother of Robin Antin. This is the Robin who started a nouveau dance troop called the Pussycat Dolls, which combined some semblance of burlesque with stripping. She spun that off into the pop sensation PCD and finally started the illustrious career of Nicole Scherzinger. Once you have that in mind, this version of burlesque doesn’t seem that far-fetched at all from what the original conceit really is. By the end of the film, you’re only a little bit sick of seeing this clean, crisp, albiet somewhat boring dance style that they have created. The cinematography was excellent; the edits horrible. And the script — not the reason to see this movie. There were several times where Megan and I wondered where on earth the plot was going to go, despite having a feeling we knew exactly where it was headed. When Cher’s character discoveres Christina Aguilera’s Ali talent, she gets her big break in literally three minutes. “Oh, you’re nobody? Oh, I’m making a show about you.” Speaking of Ali, the hair was miserable. The hair was a tragedy. It was the most distracting thing about the movie, and I pray to god it was a wig.

Burlesque finishes with the song “Show Me How You Burlesque”, which was supposedly written by Ali’s cute jazz piano playing roomie-turned-boyfriend Jack (Cam Gidget). To say that it was the most unrealistic thing about this movie that Jack, who was a jazz piano player, would have been inspired to write this R&B tinged pop number, is probably a stretch. What’s worse is the title of this song, which makes no sense.

TANGLED
Tangled was definitely a far better film. The two main characters were voiced by Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi (of Chuck!), so I was obviously biased towards it before the film even began, but it really was very pleasant to watch. The trailer’s humor had me doubting, and Disney’s marketing of the movie was not my favorite, but really, animation alone, this one blew it out of the park. There was a scene with floating lanterns on the water that literally made me tear up.

These pictures don’t really do it justice at all, because watching them move is half the fun, but check it out.


Images via Disney

I have actually not seen a movie in 3D since I was a kid, and so that was weird. The biggest improvement there would be just making lenses you could put over your glasses if you wear them, because the double frames was pretty uncomfortable, though apparently hilarious (it was too dark in the theater for KB’s picture to come out, fortunately for me). KB also pointed out that it was frustrating that basically our only choice was to see it in 3D. It didn’t really make things much cooler, though at some points I did reach out and try to touch the air like an idiot. And Rapunzel’s hair really did have a life of it’s own. Along this line, I was pleasantly surprised with the attention to detail, not just animation-wise. I was consistently pleasantly surprised by plot developments or features that I would not have predicted.

There’s not much else to say, other than see it. As I implied before with my blatant other-post-linkage, it’s the last of the Disney Princess movies, but I totally dug it, and left feeling warm inside, which is what we all really want from them anyway.

A bonus: Flynn Rider in 10 sexy pictures. He’s the hottest “prince” in a long while, which is saying a lot, considering the weird crushes I had as a child on both Simba and Robin Hood, the animated.

© 2009 Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things. All Rights Reserved.

This blog is powered by Wordpress and Magatheme by Bryan Helmig.