Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

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Bloomberg-backed Robin Kelly Wins Democratic Nomination for Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Congressional Seat

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Former Illinois legislator Robin Kelly won Tuesday night’s Democratic primary in Illinois’ 2nd congressional district, reports The Associated Press. She’ll face the winner of the Republican primary in the general election on April 9, but since it’s a heavily Democratic area, it won’t be much of a fight.

The race for Jackson’s former seat has been, well, defined by race, in a neighborhood of Chicago that has been under the spotlight lately; New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg spent huge sums of money to ensure that Kelly, a pro-gun control candidate, would win the election. Despite the national attention, low voter turnout was expected in Tuesday’s election, with inclement weather not helping matters.

Coincidentally, on Tuesday, the Chicago Tribune reported that Jackson Jr., who resigned from his seat before being indicted for taking $750,000 from his campaign funds to buy everything from Bruce Lee memorabilia to Michael Jackson’s fedora, is writing a book:

One of the Tribune’s sources, who has seen drafts of portions of the memoir, said Jackson was trying to “clear up his legacy.”

“He has nothing else to do right now,” the source said. “He’s desperately trying to change the narrative of his life story.”

This isn’t Jackson’s first time putting pen to page; he previously co-wrote the now-ironically titled It’s About the Money: The Fourth Movement of the Freedom Symphony: How to Build Wealth, Get Access to Capital, and Achieve Your Financial Dreams with his father Jesse Jackson Sr. As Tribune columnist John Kass notes, “Clearly, Junior didn’t read his own words.”

Some of the highlights, according to Kass’ rare copy of the book, include: “Don’t spend money just for pleasure; use it to build wealth and, in so doing, acquire power to manage and control your life.”

Or:

1144641 “Rich people tend to have certain habits that poor people would do well to emulate. For  example, rich people understand that you shouldn’t fritter away your money on such baubles as cars and clothes, which quickly depreciate in value.”

But it’s race, not wealth, that seem to haunt all of Jackson’s choices, and the legacy of his  neighborhood. Kass’ piece touches upon this, when he remarks that he and an African-American colleague were surprised about Jackson’s decision to spend campaign funds on a stuffed and mounted elk heads:

“The elk heads bother me,” said my colleague Old School. “What black people buy elk heads as a symbol of stature?”

“I know a lot of black people,” said Old School, who has been African-American his entire life. “And not one person I know puts elk heads on the wall.”

Other Jackson Jr. books include A More Perfect Union: Advancing New American rights, a book meant to provide “insightful analysis of the inextricable link between race and economics,” and Legal Lynching: The Death Penalty and America’s Future. For a man so consumed by race, wealth and violence, Jackson provided few answers to these problems. If anything, he was merely a great example of a community defined by all of those factors.

And as for Bloomberg, he’s moved on, with meetings in Washington D.C. Wednesday with Senators McCain and Reid and Vice President Biden. He did remark on the Kelly win, calling it a “victory for common sense leadership on gun violence.”

All the Reasons I Wish I Knew This Week’s NYMag Sex Diarist, And All The Reasons I Probably Do

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All the Reasons I Wish I Knew This Week’s NYMag.com Sex Diarist

– Number of times she references working out: 6, including twice in one day. (“There was a point in my life when I would have chosen working out over sex every single time. These days, sex wins; still, a good workout is hard to beat.”)
– Number of time she references her body/weight and/or someone else’s body/weight: 3 (“I try not to think about the extra cookies I ate this weekend and instead focus on the sex.” “Other best friend is going through a difficult breakup and has lost weight. She looks fantastic and I am jealous. My stomach is still upset and I am not feeling totally hot in my dress.”)
– “Boyfriend is still sleeping. Debate whether or not to go to work at my internship. Rattle off an e-mail to my boss; it ‘s an easy choice. Strip down and jump back in bed.”
– “The guy eats me out like a champ; I don’t understand why he is not a better kisser.”
– “We decide to head downtown. I need a dress for New Year’s Eve and he is buying. Yay! Sometimes having a boyfriend is so great.”
– “I spent all those years not being able to orgasm and then it turns out I’m a squirter.”
– “Wake up to a missed text and phone call from ex-f-ck buddy, K….Is he serious with this crap? I just feel bad for him at this point … but secretly love that he still texts me.”
– “And despite his small penis (I don’t discriminate)….”
– “Heartburn starts to kick in and I have to sit down. This is ruining my night.”
– “Wake up so angry with myself. Text friends to see about brunch later; turns out they were out until five. Wonder when I got so lame.”

All the Reasons I Probably Do Know This Week’s NYMag.com Sex Diarist

“Female, 25, Chicago, student, straight, in a relationship.”
– Parents live in the suburbs. Boyfriend is “the first boy I’ve brought home, ever.” “Grandparents were a little uncomfortable that he is a different race and kept referring to him as my ‘friend’.”
– Does yoga. Runner.
– Eats at Chipotle.
– Goes to Trader Joe’s.
– Shops at Nordstrom’s for a New Year’s dress; finds it too expensive.
– Best friend lives in Boston.

Previously: I Probably Know The Girl From This Sex Diary

Things About Chicago ‘Happy Endings’ Gets Wrong

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Or, “Things That TV Gets Wrong About Chicago”

Editor’s Note: I’ve written about the importance of getting the place right in television before. Emily has recently THANK GOD started watching Happy Endings , and it’s started to bug her too.

You know how when you’re learning a new language, you have to think about every grammatical rule just to ask where the goddamn bathroom is? Is it “por” or “para,” preterite or imperfect, masculine or feminine? And you know how one day, when you get kinda good at it, all of sudden things start to sound right or sound wrong? You don’t know why it’s “el dia” when it should obviously be “la dia,” but it is, and your ears know it even if your brain can’t articulate why.

My Spanish is rusty as hell, but I’m find that the same principle applies to geographic familiarity. ‘Live in a place long enough and you start to get a linguistic and visual sixth sense for when people are talking about it wrong. Before you can even begin to identify what’s sounding alarm bells, the hair on your arms is standing up and your hackles, whatever they are, are raised.

I just had my five year anniversary with Chicago and I feel like I’m finally achieving that level of comfort with the quirks of this city. I even have evidence. I’m currently catching up on Chicago-based sitcom Happy Endings, and in a bit about Penny burning down her apartment building, this visual gag flashed on my screen:

No big thing, right? Fake address of fake burning building on a fake tv show. False. This is big fucking deal. Every single alarm bell went off. I hadn’t even been paying very close attention, but I knew in my gut something was very, very wrong. I paused, rewound, and freeze-framed. I don’t even know where to begin:

1. Clybourn does not have an “E.”
2. Those are not Chicago apartment buildings. They’re just not.
3. Nobody lives 42 blocks east of anything in Chicago. No matter where you are, 4200 E Whatever will put you squarely in Lake Michigan.
4. Clybourn is a North/South diagonal, not East/West. Everyone knows this.
5. Most importantly, even if they meant 4200 N Clybourn (no E), that would be Roscoe Village. Penny is not the type of character that lives in Roscoe Village. She’s more of a River North/Gold Coast girl. Possibly Lakeview, possibly Wrigley. Definitely not Roscoe.

The point is, I knew that it was all wrong before I could tell you why. I’m not sure exactly what that means for me and Chicago, but I think it must mean good things. As for the writers of Happy Endings…. hire a fucking fact-checker.

TTMMW: Daguerreotype Yourself

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READ
Two tales of alcoholism; the first is from xoxojane.com (thus far, I’ve put Jane Pratt’s site into the “pretty much fluff but occasionally has a gem” category), and the other from Jane’s fave 90s wild child, Courtney Love. If you can only handle one tale of addiction, read Love’s, as it’s a comprehensive vision of what a wild rollercoaster drug use can be throughout a lifetime.

When should kids go to kindergarden? As Emma says “We went at four, and we turned out just fine.”

When Bruce Springsteen was a young man, he was not very good at paying his bills, but he did like practicing his autograph.

Read this story about the leftovers of the Riot Grrrl movement. “We’d have these challenges: Do you think we could write about the intersection between coming out as LGBT or coming out as a sexual-abuse survivor?Can we write a catchy song about that?” said Kathleen Hanna.

What does it mean that an artist has “made” a painting? What was seen as revolutionary in Andy Warhol’s factory is basically the present-day way an artist’s studio functions.

VS Naipaul might be a great writer, but he’s a dick.

Did you know Sesame Street is full of lefty propaganda? Well yes, I did.

Debbie Reynolds is giving up her dream of creating a museum out of her amazing collection of Old Hollywood memorabilia by auctioning it all. Luckily, now you have lots of options for what to get me for my birthday.

Jeff Conaway aka Kenickie from Grease aka the man who made a lot of inappropriate jokes I didn’t get until I was very old has died.

New Yorkers aren’t allowed to smoke in parks anymore. Yes, this means all of Central Park.

This piece by Roseanne Barr about working in show business (especially on Roseanne) is relatively fascinating and amazing.

David Pogue threw an iPhone at his wife. While domestic violence is not funny, the fact that it was an iPhone is. It’s like he doesn’t work in journalism and doesn’t understand what a good headline is made of.

A Prairie Home Companion might want you! But there goes Garrison Keillor…

Feel like NOVA hasn’t been delivering its usual high-quality pieces? You might get upset about the following:
“Scrambling to secure much-needed funding, the Public Broadcasting Service began its spring pledge drive Monday with the debut broadcast of Nova: Boobs A-Bouncin’. “We at PBS are proud to present this latest installment in our award-winning science series,” PBS spokesperson David Brennan said of the two-hour special devoted to the science of breast mobility. “As you’ll see, Boobs A-Bouncin’ covers all the ups-and-downs, side-to-sides, and other various jiggling patterns associated with the physics of breasts in motion. Please enjoy this episode, and please, please call the number at the bottom of your screen to donate.”

The Catholic Church did some study about priests and sexual assault and blamed it on the 70s. That’s what I blame all my problems on too, so, fair.

Go surfing in Basque country? Yes please — I love water + my motherland.

Steve Albini has a food blog, and LA Weekly interviewed him about it. People: they can have more than one interest.

LOOK

Mies Van der Rohe building on Lake Shore, November 1956 (Frank Scherschel, LIFE magazine). I like all those words.


I don’t listen to The Melvin’s, but this poster is amazing. I always found Sleeping Beauty to have some Art Nouveau tendencies to it.


Did you know that Djokovic is really hot? You do now.


I love daguerreotype’s and I love boyfriends, and this site combines the two. The photo above? Almanzo Wilder, who I’ve always considered an earlier version of Paul Walker, with a much sexier than.

Look at these miniatures! I was a very sad child when I found out that the Carole and Barry Kaye Museum of Miniatures in LA was closed.

Google did an homage to Les Paul for his birthday that was interactive. Props, but a question: Does anyone actually use google.com the homepage anymore?


Architect Barbie has glasses like mine (duh) and you can design her dream house! It’s like The Sims, but way, way better.

LOOK & LISTEN

At this amalgamation of clips of the massive tornados of late.


Some dudes being boss.

Go To the Zoo

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In Chicago, it’s free!

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Chicago Sky

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This Is Why It’s Good To Walk

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1. A young gentleman serenaded himself/me/his friend on State St. this evening with the following ditty:

“Dick sucking in the auto, that’s my motto.”

2. I saw my nine-year-old self in Nordstrom Rack, frizzy baby curls and all, wearing a t-shirt that said “I put ketchup on my ketchup.”

This Is An Article

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(In a free paper).

Forget dangerous neighborhoods — are you living in a GUD?

Fearmongering at its very best with this cover.

The best part is actually the bottom feature that starts with Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari, and goes on to feature famous and fictional Chicago couples who do the “long-distance thing.” The Good Wife‘s Peter and Alicia Florrick are in there because he was in prison and all. Don’t forget about SGST favorite Giuliana Rancic and her equally adorable husband Bill.

OBEY Records

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Shepard Fairey hits Chicago. These have been up for a few weeks, but I took these pictures on May 5. This is the underpass of Lake Shore Drive on Grand. This piece is actually legit, which means he’s sold out or something.

The Weekend Rundown

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SATURDAY: St. Patrick’s Day Is Only Good For Green Liquids
Preferably ones that are not alcoholic and projectile vomited all over the ground.

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SUNDAY: Daylight Savings Starts, So We’re No Longer Falling Back But It Feels Horrible
This year, I found that the trick with the worse day of the year is to just get up even earlier than usual and get brunch. The brunch staves off the feeling of horror that it was already noon, with a nice cushion of delicious food. The debate still RAGES on over whether this holiday is a hoax or a help (emotionally, energy-wise, etc.) but no matter what we do it so perhaps it’s time to just move on. I will say, however, that it was very poorly publicized this year; I was barely aware of the impending doom! I was told Saturday, in passing! US Gov, this is your doing — get on your shit.

BONUS: Remember when this fountain was orange? Now it’s green.

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