Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

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This Has Been A Great Year For Latinos: The Golden Globes Red Carpet Unlive Blog 2012

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6:18 pm They just beeped Elton John saying “Madonna hasn’t gotten a fucking chance.”
Elle Macpherson is dressing like she’s nominated, when in fact she is just repping her new PR spinoff.

6:21 pm Rob Lowe is an alcoholic. Or he’s obsessed with how everyone else is.
Evan Rachel Wood looks 45. Gucci Premiere made her dress FOR HER. Alex: I don’t care if it’s Black Swanny, I like it.

This Asian girl host is a super Social Network Brenda Song. And looks like a Caesar’s Palace waitress.

6:27 pm Since when is best original song a category we care about? Alex: Since Madonna and Elton John were involved.

6:33 pm Who would have thunk that Ali McBeal and Indiana Jones would still be together after all these years?

Our Host friend in the teal: What a great year for Latinos! We’ve done so well! Salma Hayek:…
OH my god it’s almost like you’re integrated into society!

6:36 pm Natalie Portman enters. Emily: Kind of inauguration ball.
I’m fairly certain we haven’t seen her since this time last year.

The commercials are really pushing Abilify on me. I don’t like what they’re implying.

6:41 pm Carson Daly looks so excited to be here. Not.

I KNEW that it was Tina Fey from behind and far away #assthatwontquit
Alex: Her hair looks like Kristen Stewart in between roles.

George and Stacy. I just can’t stop laughing at the two of them together. In other news, the producer of this pre-show is giving all the men to Carson.
An Australian starts talking. Kate: OH HELLLLLLLO.

6:45 pm Emma Stone says “Oh Hello!” to our poor man’s Brenda Song. I wonder if they’ll talk about both sleeping with Andrew Garfield. Emma may be drunk, but she’s wearing Lanvin.

Jennifer Lopez is 100% Puerto Rican. Good. To. Know. Also is a W6 sunbeige.

I still cannot believe Big Miracle got made.

I wish I could just get a Camelback for wine tonight.

6:52 pm Reese looks big. Adam Levine is “a homeless person” to Carson Daly.

WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOUR HELEN.

6:55 pm Sofia Vergara aka the LATINOS ARE HERE.

Unrelated: Emily says “Things I learn about dating someone in their 30s — they text you about 60 Minutes. Also, when they say ‘Talk to you tomorrow’ they mean they will CALL YOU ON THE PHONE.

And this is the moment that the screen changed from our good friend White But Thinks She’s Latino, Carson Daly, and Caesar’s Palace waitress, to the Globes. They are but a specter in time. SEE YOU THERE.

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