Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

Yes, Let’s Have Chris Brown Perform After Whitney Houston Dies: The Grammys 2012

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7:00 pm Well, at least the show is off to an okay start with Bruce.

Everyone gets strings behind them when they’re old, even the Boss.

7:04 pm Oh, there’s Gaga.
I’d get drunk if I drank everytime LL licked his lips. It must be because of “the Heavenly Father.” They’re so lucky that he was set to be host already. “You know, life consists of joys and sorrows,” LL tells us
Christopher is probably happy, they’re playing Whitney’s 1991 Grammy performance.
“Sir O.G. Paul McCartney.” #thingsthatLLsaid #grammys

7:16 pm NO NO NO FOO.
HIMYM proves that even Kal Penn is looking for love.

7:20 pm BONNIE RAITT. Thank you for remembering Etta. Alicia: Uh huhh. Let’s do it. She also makes an “At Last” joke. I get it Alicia. I see what you just did there. Bonnie Raitt’s like, when can I get the fuck out of there.

Adele thanks her doctors. Alicia Keyes is like, hey remember when I won 5 Grammys? Like that’s not happening again.
Aaron: Chris Brown is like if Usher was evil.
Alberto: So I’m getting the same thing as at the Super Bowl, where the set is more interesting than the performance.
No audience shots. Interesting.

7:35 pm Grammy winners Fergie and Mark Anthony. Terrible.
Guys, electronica has had a really good influence on rap and making it tangible for the masses.
Alberto: Reba is starting to look like Dana Carvey’s Ross Perot.
Aaron: Kelly Clarkson’s tattoo (a puzzle piece) is Justin Guarini.

7:46 pm So Foo performed. In another venue so everyone at the Grammys could go to the bathroom and we wouldn’t be “bored.”
(Unrelated) Jessie: Thanks for bringing your dip y’all.
Mastercard: The courage to be old and sexy.

This commercial is like the CTA every morning.

Aaron: My brother uses Coldplay as an adjective to describe things he doesn’t like.

7:56 pm Kate: What corner of the room is Rihanna in? Aaron: A hopeless corner.
Kate: I would go to a concert that was just this song for an hour and a half. Jessie: You mean you getting ready every Friday night?
Alberto: She better watch it, she’s getting an MC Hammer number of dancers.

More Coldplay. I wish Gwyneth was here and not like at home with a $1000 face mask on.
Coldplay and Rihanna have Tangled behind them.
All I’ve learned is that Chris Martin did a bad job shaving this morning.

Chipotle commercial. Willie Nelson Coldplay cover. Discuss.

8:09 pm Literally everyone is like, why are you here NCIS girl who is drunk.
[FOO WINS. SILENCE.]

8:16 pm So Ryan Seacrest owns the Grammys, and is owning this with his presence.
Look how square Foster the People are. Jessie: The bassist is having a good time. He’s like, look at this pleat in my pants.

#ladygagadancingtothebeachboys

8:31 pm It’s like LL is ready to be on the runway.
Sir Paul McCartney has become Burt Bacharach. And they didn’t cut to Diana Krall once. He’s proof that a standing O is just peer pressure.

8:36 pm Chris Brown: I’ve got to thank the Grammys for letting me get on this stage. Let me now rush off as quickly as possible.

8:40 pm Taylor is not playing the banjo right now. She’s instead sitting against the set of Le Mis and Urinetown.
Jessie: She’s such a next-door hottie.
This is so that scene in Freaky Friday where the mom plays for the daughter off-stage because the mom who everyone thinks is the daughter has to fake-play guitar.
Bonnie Raitt is not having Taylor’s “They like me! They really like me!” routine.

8:51 pm ADELE. Songwriters. Etc.
Jessie: Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Connelly, the same.

8:54 pm Oh has Katy Perry decided to promote a new album, 2 years later?
I don’t know who was like, yeah, show off your love handles Katy Perry, that’s sexy. But oh HELLO guitarist.
“Now look at me I’m sparkling….You will never put me out again/I’m glowing.” This new single is a clear dig to Russell Brand, gossip columns will cry out Monday morning.
Like, that was controversial to me, that performance.

8:57 pm I think Miranda and Blake are getting divorced. I can only pray as much, then their marriage won’t be forced down my throats.
Lady Antebellum is just the worst. It’s upsetting how much more upset I get about the decline of country music in America than any other kind.

9:05 pm Wow Gwyneth and Chris Martin are in the same room. Who knew.

Adele = flawless. Just stop smoking, I worry. AND she looks like she’s having fun.

9:16 pm Survivor commercial: Swimsuit photographer?

When did country become ok with men with skinny jeans, mullets and v-necks?
Jessie: Hey, there’s someone actually playing the banjo.

9:23 pm Paul McCartney and his ilk are literally the only ones old enough to cut to during this Glen Campbell performance.
Jessie: Look at these women sitting down and texting.

9:23 pm Carrie Underwood is such a pageant queen. I also find Tony Bennett one of the most overrated performers in American history. This is too Vegas and not enough Jazz.
It’s like some of these people got scalped tickets to sit under the benches and look up people’s skirts.

9:34 pm Bon Iver: It’s hard for me to accept this award because I’m balding and should shave my head. But a legit speech.

Christopher: Music. You might have heard of it #grammyfoundation

9:39 pm In memoriam, finally.
I just wonder if Whitney had died earlier this year how that would have changed this ceremony. Who is to say that Amy Winehouse or Etta is more or less influential than her?

9:50 pm Every time I see David Guetta I just think about how white he is.

The Grammys are acting like there’s a lack of options when it comes to performers.

9:57 pm I just don’t understand why we have to watch all these special features. They’re usually on a separate DVD.

10:03 pm DRAKKKKEEEE.

10:05 pm NICKI AND DRAKE.


Breakdancing priests, you don’t see that everyday. Jessie: Sexy lady-cardinals.
Room: Wow.

10:10 pm Oh it’s the I’m-a-little-wasted-but-I’d-love-a-booty-call-Band.
“No surprise” “Rolling in the Deep”, Adele. Let’s not editorialize too much boys. She just thumbs’ upped the audience.

10:16 pm It’s Unforgettable how bad Poppy Montgomery’s fake red hair is.
Diana Ross and Lifetime Achievement Award. She would be the best camp counselor.

Album of the Year. Adele. Duh.
Jessie: Welcome. Welcome to America.
She looks like a crazy housewife, but it’s cool. “Mom, Gold is good!” And: “This record is inspired by something that everyone has been through, which is a rubbish relationship.”

I’m signing off now because I cannot handle another Paul McCartney performance, and neither can my peers. PEACE.

Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose Are Engaged? The Grammy Red Carpet 2012

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Imagine: Amber Rose and “Wiz” reproduce. Their kids will be aliens on earth.
5:59 pm Sean: Cyndi Lauper is Ke$ha in 20 years.

6:04 pm Fergie is wearing Gaultier not Versace. Good guess though, I’ll pat myself on the back. Her mom: “She’s still my little rock and roll rebel.”
Fergie on Kanye: “What can you not say about him, musically, that’s not positive.”

Jessie J is British, apparently. And this story about her rehearsing at Clive’s party for Bobbi Kristina is confusing. Even Giuliana thinks she might be making it up

She’s really just bangs on a floating head.

6:08 pm Katy Perry is pretty; she looks like a non-literal mermaid.

I’m the minority, but I love Kelly Osbourne’s grey/purple hair.
The celebrities are doing a good job with being really explicit about their designers these days.

6:14 pm Robyn, no. We know you’re Swedish, but no.
The head of the Grammys is blatantly lying about how they “help people in their family when they need it.”

6:23 pm Sean: Nicki Minaj and THE POPE?
Kelly Osbourne calls it the big fashion moment of the night, because she has a bishop with her. It’s this years Lady Gaga-egg.
I have an unnatural hatred for Blake Shelton.

Alberto re: Ryan Seacrest on Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton: Ryan, don’t comment on how other relationships are fake.

6:30 pm Sean: If I were Alicia Keyes, I’d wear a pantsuit all the time.
Kate: Oh wait, she does…

Julianne Hough is not the new Jennifer Aniston.
Taylor Swift looks like Nicole Kidman.

I’m glad Giuliana decided to stop trying to grow out her roots.

6:39 pm RIHANNA IS 23. I just always have to remind myself that.

Giuliana’s attempt to be tactful about the stars’ clothes while constantly complimenting them must be a hard balance to strike.

There’s a black guy in Maroon 5?

6:43 pm Common, why aren’t you and Serena Williams together? Also here are his thoughts on Maya Angelo: “She is like a walking poetry, walking spirit, God coming through her.” Sure.

Etta James. Don Cornelius. Whitney Houston. That is all.

I’ve said this before, but Kate Beckinsale is the hottest woman alive. Her daughter looks aite too.

6:47 pm This Tina Fey commercial…is confusing.

I don’t really know why we’e obsessing about Nicki Minaj is wearing because she’ll she’ll change like a thousand more times tonight.
Also where is Gaga?

6:56 pm Adele is always wearing black.

Yes, I’d Love A Fanmade Video Of All Of Julia Quinn’s Romance Novels

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How does Youtube know about my reading habits? Can they see me reading when I’m sitting next to my computer? Are they with me at the library when I check out embarrassing books? And which one is their favorite, because if it’s not Ten Things I Love About You or The Duke and I or When He Was Wicked they’re fucking crazy.

In Case You Forgot

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The Grammys are on Sunday night (I sure did). There will be “rappers” there, even though they’ll be broadcast on CBS.

Demi Moore Staring At Rob Lowe

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And other beautiful scenes from About Last Night.

This dude doesn’t cut it by the Lowe standards she’s become accustomed to, so Demi stares for another reason: disgust.

This is just an unrelated and gratuitous snow/train shot in Chicago.

Ok We Won The War

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But this stings a little.

Trend Sweeping The Nation Amongst Older People: Crackers And Jelly

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Adults on television are obsessed with eating crackers and jelly — alone — in their kitchens. Saltines, no less.

Test Subject Number 1: Carrie, Sex and the City (2002)

Season 4, Episode 13: The Good Fight

Carrie: I miss walking into my apartment with no one there, and it’s all quiet, and I can do that stuff that you do when you’re totally alone, things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do.

Samantha: Like masturbate?

Carrie: My SSB. My Secret Single Behavior. Like, I like to make a stack of saltines. I put grape jelly on them. I eat them standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines.

Charlotte: Why standing up?

Carrie: I dunno, it’s weird, but it just feels great.

Test Subject Number 2: Ruxin, The League (2011)

Season 3, Episode 3: The Au Pair

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