Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

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KATES254 said: “I definitely factored Cougar Town’s premiere (and the Bachelor, I know, I know) into my wine-store shopping list this weekend. It’s fine. Totally normal!”

Yes, Let’s Have Chris Brown Perform After Whitney Houston Dies: The Grammys 2012

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7:00 pm Well, at least the show is off to an okay start with Bruce.

Everyone gets strings behind them when they’re old, even the Boss.

7:04 pm Oh, there’s Gaga.
I’d get drunk if I drank everytime LL licked his lips. It must be because of “the Heavenly Father.” They’re so lucky that he was set to be host already. “You know, life consists of joys and sorrows,” LL tells us
Christopher is probably happy, they’re playing Whitney’s 1991 Grammy performance.
“Sir O.G. Paul McCartney.” #thingsthatLLsaid #grammys

7:16 pm NO NO NO FOO.
HIMYM proves that even Kal Penn is looking for love.

7:20 pm BONNIE RAITT. Thank you for remembering Etta. Alicia: Uh huhh. Let’s do it. She also makes an “At Last” joke. I get it Alicia. I see what you just did there. Bonnie Raitt’s like, when can I get the fuck out of there.

Adele thanks her doctors. Alicia Keyes is like, hey remember when I won 5 Grammys? Like that’s not happening again.
Aaron: Chris Brown is like if Usher was evil.
Alberto: So I’m getting the same thing as at the Super Bowl, where the set is more interesting than the performance.
No audience shots. Interesting.

7:35 pm Grammy winners Fergie and Mark Anthony. Terrible.
Guys, electronica has had a really good influence on rap and making it tangible for the masses.
Alberto: Reba is starting to look like Dana Carvey’s Ross Perot.
Aaron: Kelly Clarkson’s tattoo (a puzzle piece) is Justin Guarini.

7:46 pm So Foo performed. In another venue so everyone at the Grammys could go to the bathroom and we wouldn’t be “bored.”
(Unrelated) Jessie: Thanks for bringing your dip y’all.
Mastercard: The courage to be old and sexy.

This commercial is like the CTA every morning.

Aaron: My brother uses Coldplay as an adjective to describe things he doesn’t like.

7:56 pm Kate: What corner of the room is Rihanna in? Aaron: A hopeless corner.
Kate: I would go to a concert that was just this song for an hour and a half. Jessie: You mean you getting ready every Friday night?
Alberto: She better watch it, she’s getting an MC Hammer number of dancers.

More Coldplay. I wish Gwyneth was here and not like at home with a $1000 face mask on.
Coldplay and Rihanna have Tangled behind them.
All I’ve learned is that Chris Martin did a bad job shaving this morning.

Chipotle commercial. Willie Nelson Coldplay cover. Discuss.

8:09 pm Literally everyone is like, why are you here NCIS girl who is drunk.
[FOO WINS. SILENCE.]

8:16 pm So Ryan Seacrest owns the Grammys, and is owning this with his presence.
Look how square Foster the People are. Jessie: The bassist is having a good time. He’s like, look at this pleat in my pants.

#ladygagadancingtothebeachboys

8:31 pm It’s like LL is ready to be on the runway.
Sir Paul McCartney has become Burt Bacharach. And they didn’t cut to Diana Krall once. He’s proof that a standing O is just peer pressure.

8:36 pm Chris Brown: I’ve got to thank the Grammys for letting me get on this stage. Let me now rush off as quickly as possible.

8:40 pm Taylor is not playing the banjo right now. She’s instead sitting against the set of Le Mis and Urinetown.
Jessie: She’s such a next-door hottie.
This is so that scene in Freaky Friday where the mom plays for the daughter off-stage because the mom who everyone thinks is the daughter has to fake-play guitar.
Bonnie Raitt is not having Taylor’s “They like me! They really like me!” routine.

8:51 pm ADELE. Songwriters. Etc.
Jessie: Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Connelly, the same.

8:54 pm Oh has Katy Perry decided to promote a new album, 2 years later?
I don’t know who was like, yeah, show off your love handles Katy Perry, that’s sexy. But oh HELLO guitarist.
“Now look at me I’m sparkling….You will never put me out again/I’m glowing.” This new single is a clear dig to Russell Brand, gossip columns will cry out Monday morning.
Like, that was controversial to me, that performance.

8:57 pm I think Miranda and Blake are getting divorced. I can only pray as much, then their marriage won’t be forced down my throats.
Lady Antebellum is just the worst. It’s upsetting how much more upset I get about the decline of country music in America than any other kind.

9:05 pm Wow Gwyneth and Chris Martin are in the same room. Who knew.

Adele = flawless. Just stop smoking, I worry. AND she looks like she’s having fun.

9:16 pm Survivor commercial: Swimsuit photographer?

When did country become ok with men with skinny jeans, mullets and v-necks?
Jessie: Hey, there’s someone actually playing the banjo.

9:23 pm Paul McCartney and his ilk are literally the only ones old enough to cut to during this Glen Campbell performance.
Jessie: Look at these women sitting down and texting.

9:23 pm Carrie Underwood is such a pageant queen. I also find Tony Bennett one of the most overrated performers in American history. This is too Vegas and not enough Jazz.
It’s like some of these people got scalped tickets to sit under the benches and look up people’s skirts.

9:34 pm Bon Iver: It’s hard for me to accept this award because I’m balding and should shave my head. But a legit speech.

Christopher: Music. You might have heard of it #grammyfoundation

9:39 pm In memoriam, finally.
I just wonder if Whitney had died earlier this year how that would have changed this ceremony. Who is to say that Amy Winehouse or Etta is more or less influential than her?

9:50 pm Every time I see David Guetta I just think about how white he is.

The Grammys are acting like there’s a lack of options when it comes to performers.

9:57 pm I just don’t understand why we have to watch all these special features. They’re usually on a separate DVD.

10:03 pm DRAKKKKEEEE.

10:05 pm NICKI AND DRAKE.


Breakdancing priests, you don’t see that everyday. Jessie: Sexy lady-cardinals.
Room: Wow.

10:10 pm Oh it’s the I’m-a-little-wasted-but-I’d-love-a-booty-call-Band.
“No surprise” “Rolling in the Deep”, Adele. Let’s not editorialize too much boys. She just thumbs’ upped the audience.

10:16 pm It’s Unforgettable how bad Poppy Montgomery’s fake red hair is.
Diana Ross and Lifetime Achievement Award. She would be the best camp counselor.

Album of the Year. Adele. Duh.
Jessie: Welcome. Welcome to America.
She looks like a crazy housewife, but it’s cool. “Mom, Gold is good!” And: “This record is inspired by something that everyone has been through, which is a rubbish relationship.”

I’m signing off now because I cannot handle another Paul McCartney performance, and neither can my peers. PEACE.

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