Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

Late On The Uptake

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AP triple-checks their facts, and gets the news a little too late. Don’t they know you can always rely on TMZ?

True/Not True

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I thought about calling this Sexist/Not Sexist but let’s be real, she was a little crazy in Bringing Up Baby. And in life too.

Sunday Words

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“Novelty was not Steve’s highest value. Beauty was.

Meeting The Newest Bachelor, Out Of His Natural Habitat

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So a lot has happened since Miss Moneypenny’s last contribution (and yes, I know that they are few and far between) but I am going to focus on a far  more important topic right now.

I met the next Bachelor.

Yes, it was every bit as wonderful as could be imagined. You, my friends, are  about to get the blow-by-blow.

I was at a rooftop pool in West Hollywood with some friends (this was  actually the first time I’d ever done this, but it was a verrrry L.A. thing to do) to spend a Sunday afternoon with a friend who was in town. There were two  guys nearby who I didn’t recognize, but were pretty cute.

Suddenly, a round of Bloody Mary’s appeared by our group, “courtesy of the  gentlemen on the other side of the pool.” Our group was about 3 guys and 5  girls. When The Bachelor (I had zero idea of who he was at the time) came over with his friend to talk, they immediately ordered another round for the  entire group.

Side note: it is atypical for guys in LA (or really anywhere) to purchase alcohol for people who are not girls. We later found out that his hotel stay  was being covered by the studio, but still. The principle is what counts here.

We were all drinking our Bloody Mary’s when someone asked our new friend Ben what he was doing in LA. Somewhat sheepishly, he told us that he was about to be on a reality show. With some pressing, we found out he was the next Bachelor. And therefore was the adorable Ben that was rejected by Ashley in the season finale. Since I knew of Kate’s obsession with the show, I was immediately intrigued.

We spent the next three hours getting horrifically sunburned (at least on my part) and drinking white wine. Since our dear Ben is a winemaker, he had excellent taste. He was actually amazingly cool. I was shocked. He was signed up for The Bachelorette by his sister, and decided to go on for the opportunity to travel and meet new people. Became the Bachelor because “why not see if I can actually find love, and barring that, go to really cool places and have a free place to stay with great food?”

Some great quotes from the day:

Us: Were you sad when Ashely rejected you?
Ben: No, more pissed off. I proposed, got rejected, looked like a moron. So yeah, pissed off.

On whether or not he had actually dated Jennifer Love Hewitt (a tabloid rumor)…
B: Um. Are you kidding? No. Freaking. Way.

Us: Were you in love with Ashley?
B: I’m not sure if I can answer that honestly without violating my contract.
*We took that as a “no”

Us: What did you do all day on The Bachelorette? A bunch of dudes in a house?
B: Played soccer in the yard. Drank. Played Battleship.

Us: What do you think of The Bachelor Pad?
B: No comment. No comment whatsoever.

Needless to say, an awesome afternoon. He was one of the most normal people I have ever met in LA, let alone someone who was about to star in a reality show. An eye-opening experience that was very befitting of the glamorous lifestyle to which I have become accustomed. *Tosses hair around*

But really. People in LA, especially those who have intentions of going into the “talent” side of reality television, are rarely normal. Or even nice. They are usually very obsessed with themselves and upon finding out that someone works in an agency (like yours truly), will usually jump at the chance to jumpstart their acting career (I have actually had more than one person hand me a headshot in the middle of a party). But Ben was…cool. And fun. He had great taste in wine, was relaxed, knew about cool French music (the CD we were listening to has been in my car on repeat for about the last 2 weeks), and overall, was genuine–a rare quality to find anywhere, but especially in LA.

So I have to say, I will be watching the upcoming season of The Bachelor. And I will be rooting for him to at least have a great time, and maybe even find love with someone who is as genuine as he is (or at least someone who’s not a complete fame whore).

Sort-Of Tasteless

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It’s like, I see what you did there, related ads. But try again.

Wishes On Videos

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I wish that when I had fights with my significant other I was this well lit.

I just wish.

See above.

May The Best Housewife Win

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A new show on HGTV. It’s no My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding but Dina will always be the best Jersey Housewife. This fully fulfills the hole left in my heart after Christopher Lowell stopped being on TLC every livelong day.

Look At Us, We Have Everything In Common

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Why do we want to be best friends with girls like Mindy Kaling? Because she’s a normal person who happens to be incredibly talented but also have gotten everything she wants in life (at least professionally, so we assume).

ON BOOKS

1. She pretended to have read Infinite Jest. I haven’t done this, but it’s something I’d be okay doing.

2. Her actual favorite book is House of Mirth. I’m about ready to go digging through the Dries archives again this year to find the stellar term paper I wrote on House of Mirth senior year of high school just to prove how much I like that book.

Anyway, Kaling articulates something about Edith Wharton, and specifically about this book, that I hadn’t quite noticed but is so accurate:

“Isn’t that book freaking amazing? I love that book. It’s so current. I think that’s what makes it so timeless. Listen, I freaking love Jane Austen, love Charlotte Brontë, I love stories about frivolous families, and you know, sisterly rivalries — I love that. But House of Mirth so describes the feeling of being trapped in a time of not wanting to get married but sort of having to, and having one chance out of it and the tragic side of that. Because in the Jane Austen books, they usually end up getting married, right in the nick of time, and in House of Mirth, it’s what happens when you don’t. And she didn’t even want to! She would have been okay not doing it. Anyway, I just love that book. It’s just so good.”

Mindy, you’re not my best friend, but when I say I’d like you to be, I really just mean I want to be you.

This Is Quite A Sentence

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“But oh my god ‘we should all stop letting dudes come inside of us’ is not really the reproductive justice call to arms I was looking for, you know?”

Thanks for this Jill. Seriously. Thank you.

(Piece it is in response to here. xoxojane standing up for writer of said piece with a phone screenshot here.)

And The Kim K Circus Rolls On

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Editors’ Note: This time, with less males.

8:02 pm We’re trying on wedding dresses again.

Kris calls Kris (momager) Granny?
According to Kim, everyone hates Kris first, and then they love him. And according to Kourtney, “Everyone’s in the hating him phase.”

Kim WENT TO MINNESOTA. I didn’t think she knew that place existed. In MN, she says, “We really need to have a talk about the dog memorabilia,” to which Kris (caveman) responds, “Those photos were professionally done.” She then counters by attacking his choice to have family photos by his bed, by saying “do you want to have sex and have those there?” Of course, Kim’s house is full of photos of her so…

8:04 pm Bruce and Kloe get cute. OMG. And according to Kris (momager), you can never be too honest.

8:06 pm “Even the grocery carts in Minnesota are weird,” according to Kim.
Picking up a copy of a magazine that apparently has Kim on the cover, Kris (caveman) remarks, “50 sex moves? I’ve only seen about three.” God I love them in Minnesota.
Stars: They’re just like us! They read magazines about themselves at the grocery store.
I like that Kim is hating on Khloe for not wanting to go to Minnesota when it’s like…hello do I even need to spell it out.

8:11 pm Molly sees the pistachio commercial for the first time and remarks “I can’t believe they’re having him in green.”

8:15 pm Kris (caveman) reminds Kim of bruce. uhoh.
Kris (caveman) wants to stay in Minnesota so “we can just start pumping out babies.” It’s cool that he’s honest about what people do there.
Kim: I think I fell in love with you because you could handle my career. Romantic.
(5 minutes later)
8:20 pm Kim: Definitely the thing O love the most about Kris is that he acts like a big kid. But then it annoys me.
Rob: On our way to Vegas and of course we’re flying commercial (ooooooh crazy hands).

Scott to Kris (caveman): What are you, a baby?

8:29 pm Kris (caveman) and Lamar decide to reenact The Lion King while at a club..

Kris (caveman): This is your world.
Lamar: It’s yours now too.

8:31 pm I WANT MORE OF KRIS’ (MOMAGER) MOM.
It’s Maria Menounos, my favorite fake star.
Kris (momager) says, “There is no way I’m letting Kim change her name.” Molly: Says the Manager, not the Mom.

Commercial break: “I’ve always been passionate about walking,” says Brook Burns.
Kourtney on whether Kim should change her name: “I think it’s a good idea if that’s what she wants to do.” Always the voice of reason.
Lamar at cheer camp is amazing. They almost look like a normal family.

8:43 pm Even Kris (momager) can’t hide the fact that it’s ridiculous that Kim is wearing three dresses to her wedding. Don’t worry, she’ll wear spanx.

8:52 pm Honesty is the best policy, again this episode?
Kourtney: This stickiness has now leaked through the paper towel.
Khloe: I would buy a hump rope.

8:57 pm Kim refers to Minnesota as “Yee-haw Minnesota.” Kris (caveman) responds with, “Nine years ago you sold clothes in a bo-tique in the valley. And now all of a sudden you’re Miss Princess.”

9:00 pm Kris (caveman) says he grew a mustache because he’s “just expressing himself.”

Watching a couple fight over seating is amazing. “You’re switching the Temples?” snaps Kris (caveman) in a tense tone. I am impressed that the editors made it appear in the commercials that they were fighting over a pre-nup.

9:08 pm Why is Rob wearing a sweatshirt at the rehearsal dinner tonight?

9:18 pm Kim is taking fabric from one of her dad’s shirts and is cutting a heart out and is sewing it into where her heart is in the dress.
Her emotional breakdown about her dad is one of the few real moments I’ve seen on this show.

9:27 pm This LivingSocial plug after Kim’s emotional moments is really the crassest juxtaposition this show has done yet.

9:34 pm We haven’t seen them without make-up in such a long time. It’s amazing. As usual, Mason is stealing the show.

BEDAZZLED CROSS What. OMG Tre fab, as Kloe would say.
Kris (caveman) and Bruce are having a heart-to-heart but all I can look at is Kris’ stache. At least everyone else agrees and their is groomsman debate about it.

9:37 pm Say what you want about Kim having an extravagant wedding, she gives her mom earrings.
Maria Menounos with Joe Francis what?!
MJ the nana has a white manicure. Like, to die for.

9:39 pm Kris decides to shave his mustache right before the wedding as his last bit of control.

9:45 pm Mason is stealing the show and Kris (caveman) knows it.

And emerging from the foliage is…

9:55 pm Dina Lohan and Babyface. What. This is surreal.
Brittny Gastineau catches the bouquet.
Molly: Did anyone realize how horribly spelled her first name is.

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