Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

This Is More Than I Could Have Asked For

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And less. Much, much less. Prepare for inevitable scene-by-scene comparison to commence.

The Chris Harrison and Patti Stanger Show

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To their horror, Molly and MC’s ramblings about last night’s The Bachelorette episode were published too early. But out of them, we’ve gotten one sprinkling of a brilliant idea.

BRAVO, we’re waiting for our check.

Ross Would Write The Best Children’s Books

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More gems such as these can be found at the always-entertaining fyeahfriendsgifs tumblr.

Father’s Day Was Yesterday

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So I wrote this piece that’s on Thought Catalog about Father’s Day that might be a big fat bummmmer, but now that it’s the day after the day in question, you can read it.

I do like these photos of dad’s and their kids that The Sartorialist did for Kiehl’s. He writes a little bit about stay-at-home dad’s too.

Also Clarence Clemons died. “Even after Mr. Springsteen chose to write shorter, pop-structured songs, making concision his new discipline, Mr. Clemons held his place: as the honking foundation of ‘Hungry Heart’ and the longed-for dance partner in ‘Dancing in the Dark,'” writes Jon Pareles. People have paid respects in awesome ways, but “Hungry Heart” is maybe my favorite Springsteen song, so here you go:

TTMMW: Daguerreotype Yourself

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READ
Two tales of alcoholism; the first is from xoxojane.com (thus far, I’ve put Jane Pratt’s site into the “pretty much fluff but occasionally has a gem” category), and the other from Jane’s fave 90s wild child, Courtney Love. If you can only handle one tale of addiction, read Love’s, as it’s a comprehensive vision of what a wild rollercoaster drug use can be throughout a lifetime.

When should kids go to kindergarden? As Emma says “We went at four, and we turned out just fine.”

When Bruce Springsteen was a young man, he was not very good at paying his bills, but he did like practicing his autograph.

Read this story about the leftovers of the Riot Grrrl movement. “We’d have these challenges: Do you think we could write about the intersection between coming out as LGBT or coming out as a sexual-abuse survivor?Can we write a catchy song about that?” said Kathleen Hanna.

What does it mean that an artist has “made” a painting? What was seen as revolutionary in Andy Warhol’s factory is basically the present-day way an artist’s studio functions.

VS Naipaul might be a great writer, but he’s a dick.

Did you know Sesame Street is full of lefty propaganda? Well yes, I did.

Debbie Reynolds is giving up her dream of creating a museum out of her amazing collection of Old Hollywood memorabilia by auctioning it all. Luckily, now you have lots of options for what to get me for my birthday.

Jeff Conaway aka Kenickie from Grease aka the man who made a lot of inappropriate jokes I didn’t get until I was very old has died.

New Yorkers aren’t allowed to smoke in parks anymore. Yes, this means all of Central Park.

This piece by Roseanne Barr about working in show business (especially on Roseanne) is relatively fascinating and amazing.

David Pogue threw an iPhone at his wife. While domestic violence is not funny, the fact that it was an iPhone is. It’s like he doesn’t work in journalism and doesn’t understand what a good headline is made of.

A Prairie Home Companion might want you! But there goes Garrison Keillor…

Feel like NOVA hasn’t been delivering its usual high-quality pieces? You might get upset about the following:
“Scrambling to secure much-needed funding, the Public Broadcasting Service began its spring pledge drive Monday with the debut broadcast of Nova: Boobs A-Bouncin’. “We at PBS are proud to present this latest installment in our award-winning science series,” PBS spokesperson David Brennan said of the two-hour special devoted to the science of breast mobility. “As you’ll see, Boobs A-Bouncin’ covers all the ups-and-downs, side-to-sides, and other various jiggling patterns associated with the physics of breasts in motion. Please enjoy this episode, and please, please call the number at the bottom of your screen to donate.”

The Catholic Church did some study about priests and sexual assault and blamed it on the 70s. That’s what I blame all my problems on too, so, fair.

Go surfing in Basque country? Yes please — I love water + my motherland.

Steve Albini has a food blog, and LA Weekly interviewed him about it. People: they can have more than one interest.

LOOK

Mies Van der Rohe building on Lake Shore, November 1956 (Frank Scherschel, LIFE magazine). I like all those words.


I don’t listen to The Melvin’s, but this poster is amazing. I always found Sleeping Beauty to have some Art Nouveau tendencies to it.


Did you know that Djokovic is really hot? You do now.


I love daguerreotype’s and I love boyfriends, and this site combines the two. The photo above? Almanzo Wilder, who I’ve always considered an earlier version of Paul Walker, with a much sexier than.

Look at these miniatures! I was a very sad child when I found out that the Carole and Barry Kaye Museum of Miniatures in LA was closed.

Google did an homage to Les Paul for his birthday that was interactive. Props, but a question: Does anyone actually use google.com the homepage anymore?


Architect Barbie has glasses like mine (duh) and you can design her dream house! It’s like The Sims, but way, way better.

LOOK & LISTEN

At this amalgamation of clips of the massive tornados of late.


Some dudes being boss.

Go To the Zoo

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In Chicago, it’s free!

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The Night We Should Have Taken Shots Everytime Ashley Said Bentley

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Also known as The Night the Two Josh Grobans Faced Off

This explains all you need to know about this episode.


Yea, so after the artist formally known as Bentley left, the producers thought, hey, let’s whisk Ashley away to Thailand where she won’t remember anything that has happened to her. Except, just like in SATC2, she does remember, except no one gets diarrhea, thank god. Of course, we barely get to see how the guys get to Thailand; all we see is a peace sign being thrown up by Ryan in the airport.

Ashley is the friend you have that won’t stop talking about her ex, with ex being code for guy she made out with a few times who she never really dated (am I that friend? Do not discuss). And now that we’re in Thailand, her problems have just changed continents, except now we get some token asian music and a lot of rain. Molly says, “Minor chords!” I say, it was obviously cheaper to do this trip during the off season, and there is only so much a nice umbrella can do.

Josh Groban #1, also known as Constantine, gets a one-on-one. He looks different and improved in Thailand. Thai hair, says Molly.

On the Group Date, we discover that Sir William is still alive. We’re pretty sure that there are a few Ashley’s keeping around just to have sex with — Bentley was one, and “I played for the Yankees for a hot second” Nick is another. Also did you know there was a tsunami here recently? Watch the news, guys.

Josh Groban # 2 (Ben F.) gets a one-on-one date after he charms Ashley at an orphanage with his artistic side, which is not code for his penis. She draws an Ashley flower which is not code for her vagina. Nick does nothing but play with a hula hoop on said group date.

On his date, Ben F. says both “I felt like you were kind of buzzing around me” and “Ruh roh.” To which I say, Ben F., you remind me too much of a guy that I date(d) (we’ll keep the mystery alive).

The most important news from this episode is that Molly is now a fan of “Quasimodo” Ames. She says that “this Thai air is doing something to his features.” I think his hair is longer and the humidity makes it curly. Though Ames seems unaware that their lack of making out is not a good sign, Ashley is the one that fouls up this scenario. In my notes, I wrote “Why does she always ask about old ladies?” which I think translates to “Why does she always ask about the ex-girlfriends of these men?” She also references Titanic when on a boat with Ames, which makes me worry she hasn’t actually seen how that movie ends.

Blake the dentist has a few good quotes as well. He claims that sweet, sweet Ryan “swoops in, and it just screams of foul play.” He says that “Constantine is a gamer,” and the whole thing “Chaps my ass.” And finally, about the show: “That’s the nature of this beast — everyone’s going after the same piece of fruit.” He then becomes the whistleblower to Ryan on how no one else likes him, but this only prompts Ryan to say to the camera, “What, you can’t hang with the fact that I’m freakin’ happy a lot? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not grumpy…Think of all our soldiers that are overseas now. Why wouldn’t you be happy here?”

Most importantly, JP and Ashley get a moment on the beach. Molly: They are not touching enough. Bring in the bluetinis! (Note: There was a lot of blue lighting and blue alcohol in this episode). They just go from making out to GET IN MY LOVE SUITE. She also says that Ashley would be a FOOL not to pick him, but obvi she is one, because he’s a sane guy who actually likes her, is hot, and a good kisser.

Ultimately, Wes is sent home, which is really just Ashley sending herself home — she can’t commit to a guy who’s ready to move on, because she has horrible taste in men and isn’t ready for this. Wes’ final speech proves that he’s too deep for this show. Ashley chooses Lucas as her first, a man with whom she has no chemistry, because she doesn’t really want to be doing this and feels like she needs some sort of redemption from Brad’s season. Wise move on the producer side: when she speaks with Chris, he’s very particular when he says potential with Bentley “was in her heart and mind.” Good save Chris. We know the truth. And we’re reminded that this is The Bachelorette and there “are no rules” because Ashley gets to keep another guy. Just more proof she’s not ready to commit to anyone, and you know what Ash — that’s ok. Just admit it.

Ashley is insecure quotes:
I feel like I have a little bit of my heart back, so I’m ready to start giving a little bit of it away.
I don’t just think everyone likes me. I don’t think everyone wants to be with me.
Tell me about your past relationships
I guess hopeless Ashley is now hopeful again.

I Don’t Answer Your (Tony) Questions

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It’s been awhile since I’ve revealed the gold that is how people find my blog. As usual, this segment is brought to you by Google Search.

I don’t know. I wish I did. Christopher was certainly confused, and if he can’t answer, I most certainly can’t.

Can you clarify? Did you mean the first time, or the second time? Because the first time she spoke, she flubbed her teleprompter lines, and the second time, she cursed and a whole sentence or two was bleeped out because the man hates us.

Next time, please Google more specifically.

The Tony’s Have A Lot Of Gays, Did You Know: Unlive Blog

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7:01 Neil Patrick Harris tells us that this show is “not just for gays anymore.”
Sara: Who choreographs the Tony’s? Do you think they’re really impressed with themselves?
Christopher: I’m sure they think, I’m going to bring my art to the masses.

7:03 Is that Al Pacino in a headband?
Brooke Shields has already fucked up. It wasn’t even funny enough to wait for

Bobby Canavale aka Cupid looks horrible.
This is so low budget.
Christopher: They moved it out of Radio City Music Hall, so it’s in some sort of warehouse somewhere.

7:05 Sara: What is it to have a gay costume?
Christopher: Jim Parsons. Ambiguously gay Jim Parson’s doesn’t know how to react.

7:07 Christopher: Can we pick randomly, having seen none of these, who is going to win?
I wish there was a red carpet for this, I feel like I haven’t prepared with enough judgment.
Christopher: Wait, they are not all first time nominees.
Ellen Barkin wins Best Featured Actress in a play. Performing in A Normal Heart is the most important part of her career, because it has taught her that one person can change the world.
Thank you “you Jewish boy.” That you malatof cocktail. Slim shoulders. Alec Baldwin looks like hes on the edge of his seat while standing.

7:11 It’s Matthew “I’m closeted” Broderick and the dude from Mad Men. He’s between seasons on the show, so he can do whatever he want with his hair, ok Chris?
Daniel Radcliffe can be my shortie any day. This camera that is shooting him dancing from below is awesome.
Christopher thinks it was a questionable decision to have him do the big dance numbers and calls it messy choreography.

7:17
There’s a reason they didn’t televise that win.

[Redacted: Comments on Ben Brantley from unnamed source]

7:22 I just want you guys to know I’m missing the premiere of Ice Loves Coco for this.
Oh my god John Leguizamo’s pants are so poorly tailored. Did you guys you know he’s from Queens and his immigrant parents? JACKSON HEIGHTS. Gag me. This picture of him in his High School yearbook would be funnier if the girl next to him didn’t have the same afro as him.

7:25 Oh dear, John Cryer closeup.
So you’re an alcoholic. Sara: Point of this story — I drink too much.

7:28 Viola davis does not hide her glee that John Benjamin Hickey has also won for A Normal Heart. “It’s cool to be on a list with all these other people — who are they?”
Christopher: I would literally bang him. Kate: I like his glasses.
Let the record show that they cut Hickey off, but not Ellen “sort of famous” Barkin.
Christopher: Oh and he gave a shoutout to AIDS — very nice.

7:32 Just figured out that this is Norman Leo Butz performing from his voice. I hoping he’s just pretending to have packed on the pounds, but Christopher says he was always a little tubs.
They are getting so trigger-happy with the bleeping.
Christopher: I wouldn’t say this song was even remotely catchy.

7:39 E.T.: “New York’s biggest stars sign off on their disgraced congressman.” Us: Why?
Neil Patrick Harris hits us with 30 seconds of Spiderman jokes. Of course, the Julie Taymor joke was the only good one.

We discussed Fraiser at length over dinner, so I’m so pleased to see David Hyde Pierce. We think he has aged well.
Trey Parker is no priest in that suit — it’s sequined.
We’re counting “Partner” shoutouts — it’s been 2 so far. Trey Parker desperately wants to say something.
Christopher: Wait is he gay? Kate: I don’t know, his shirt is.
Why didn’t Ellen Barkin thank Joel Grey?
Christopher’s mother says “Gag” to this win.

7:45 Glad War Horse won, because that clip was amazing to look at. But Christopher says the script is awful.
Sara: Just shut out the woman. Get rid of her.

We’re dancing to minstrel music. Inappropriate?
Christopher: I don’t quite know what this means that this has been done in a minstrel style — this just seems straight camp.

7:53 Christopher: Are cereal makers chefs? Discuss.
There are a lot of visual metaphors in this COPD commercial for Spiriva.

7:57 I like that Angela Lansbury gets her own little notepad. Teleprompters are for chumps.
What a classy broad. Lost, but classy.

Harry Connick Jr. could go die in a hole and we would all be okay. I feel as though he’s a pathetic choice of wet dream for fifty-somethings.

7:59 Nikki M. James is legit SPAZZING over her win for Book of Morman. “Tony, come on over and live with me.” She comes from a long line of bumblebees, everyone.
Stage actresses are horrible.

8:02 Sara asks that Steven Colbert please be funny. He uses the phrase “double-down” so I’m sure we’ll be okay.

8:06 I know Book of Morman is supposed to be really good or something, but I’m unimpressed. Sara is really confused, and also thinks this dude licks his lips too much.
Mutual of Omaha bank tells us that its okay to join a rollerderby team at 30, instead of getting married and having babies.

8:13 Oh so Hugh Jackman is making fun of Neil Patrick Harris — hilarious. Any show you can host, I can host better. REALLY. This is such an obvious medley.
Christopher: The innuendos are not subtle. “You’re the top”?

8:17 Brooke Shields is going to be in The Addams Family? They just bleeped her so bad. That’s two fuck-ups in one show.
Could John Larroquette look more underwhelmed? Oh wait, he almost cried, so we’re in the clear.

8:20 Bono anddddd The Edge. GAG ME. They say, “We used to be famous for being in U2….” All these jokes about Spiderman are really tasteless. They just let them talk endlessly to apologize and get people interested in the show — classy.
Christopher: This sounds like an Evanescence song. There better be some flyinnn soon.
The performance from Spiderman is going to consist of Peter Pan and Mary Jo Watson literally just sitting there and singing. Christopher: I would say that this is the biggest failure of the evening, with this apology introduction for the shit that will follow. His nose looks so smooth. I am literally amazed that he looks like a lady.

8:32 I’m really sad we missed Costume Design. The way that dude was fingering his award looked sexy.
None of us are impressed with Robin Williams.
Sara: I wonder what mormons think of this musical? Or are they not allowed to watch…

8:37 Sister Act performance introduced by Whoopi Goldberg.
Sara: (to Whoopi Goldberg) Get it girl. Get it bag lady.
I will admit that until right now, I had no idea what Sister Act was about. Thanks Whoopi Goldberg.
Christopher: Do you think she gets dressed and acknowledges that she looks crazy, or goes “Yea, I look good”?
Christopher: I like that every church has a gigantic Virgin Mary lording over everything.
Sara: I don’t know what, but I’m enjoying this. Maybe it’s the wine, or I’m just so desperately bored with everything. Oh those crazy black people!

8:44 Christopher: I’ve seen a lot of ads for different flavors of Yoplait, and I’ve never been tempted.

8:46 I’m a little bored of Betty White, I’ll admit. She’s not magic.
Marg Hellenberger looks amazing.

Largest applause thus far has been for this puppet horse. Bad sign?
Patrick Wilson really can’t catch a break, can he?

GAY MARRIAGE GUYS, theater really does(n’t) matter. But A Normal Heart wins for Best Revival of a Play.
Christopher: Larry Kramer is wearing a legitimate snuggie.
“Dearest loving mother…to gay people everywhere, who I love so.” The chosen people = The gays, not the jews now.

Re: this performance of last year’s Memphis — bring in the Children when things are dull.

9:05 Sara thinks that Joel Grey is 80 years old. I think he looks damn good. We are all so pleased with Anything Goes and Cole Porter, as per the usual.

They are both floored: Chris — This is such a good musical. Sara — I have chills. Finally the Tony’s deliver.

9:16 Lookingglass wins Regional Theater!
Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones.
I can’t share the story that Christopher just told, but let it be known, it’s a doozy.
I love how James Earl Jones made like 2 bucks for Star Wars.
Christopher: They’re both such slow talkers.
Who’s she searching for with her eyes?

9:20 I had no idea Christie Brinkley was dying to be a Playboy Bunny. Christopher: Wow, wow. You’re bringing a lot to the table.

9:24 Kelsey Grammer. He’s really a horrendous person, it appears. But Anything Goes wins the Tony Award, so props.

9:28 I love Tyne Daley. The silver hair and the tan skin is contrasting nicely.

9:35 Frances McDormand is wearing glasses and a JEAN JACKET. Not to mention the hair.
Crack. You can say that again.
Sara: Did she just get out of the shower?
Kate: No, she can’t, as she hasn’t washed her hair for a year.
LOOK AT HER WALK OFF STAGE.
Daniel must compose himself before speaking. “Um…”
Are Sutton Foster and Bobby Canavale together? Yes, they just kissed.
“I’ve never been happier in my life….”
She’s getting emotional over her dresser leaving her. “And he’s moving to Cape Cod and I love you SO MUCH!!!!” He (nameless) is apparently “the most talented artist”, but since he’s only defined by his role in Sutton’s life, she gives no plug to perhaps, I don’t know, push his career forward? Also why Cape Cod?
Sara: I don’t know what’s better: homeless person Frances McDormand, or overly emotional Sutton Foster.

9:42 Why are the Weather Girls performing? Also David Letterman’s annoying lackey. But this song has always been pretty sexy (“Absolutely soaking wet,” anyone?).
Christopher: I really love that there is an industry where people like Frances McDormand and Sutton Foster are celebrated for being as crazy as they are.

9:47 Some debates going on over the Ray LaMontagne song “Trouble.” In case you were wondering, it is not “Dog in my ‘scrot.”

9:51 Mother with the Hat sounds like a very different play than it is intended to be…
Jerusalum dude wins — Boeing Boeing was amazing, so props.
This speech about walking through walls is amazing and obviously memorized. Note: It is apparently a poem by Louis Jenkins.
Christopher: That was like a set-up for a Groupon joke that never ended.

9:53 Norbert Leo Lutz wins! I love him! He’s emotional.
Look at Catherine Zeta-Jones’ shoulder bones.
I like to pronounce CAA “Kaaaa, Kaaa.”

Dressers win for the night!

9:58 Chris predicts Book of Mormon. WOAH CHRIS, WOAH. He tells us that “We know what the best musical is, it’s such a waste of time, it’s like taking a hooker to dinner.” Classy.

Trey Parker: “Thank you, this has been really, really cool.”

Chicago Sky

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