“1:25 a.m.: Recent partying has totally effed with my sleep schedule, so I’m wide awake. Decide the best option would be to catch up on the Jezebel articles I missed today and lull myself to sleep with my Hitachi magic wand. I’ve developed a bad habit of buzzing while I read Jezebel, which seems weird, but I can’t be the only one who does it. I think it improves my comprehension.”
Twelve hours later…
“1:30 p.m.: Finally wake up. I don’t work until 5 p.m., so I fall back into my default Jezebel/magic-wand routine. Actually branch off into Gawker for a bit, because my platonic friend’s roommate reads it and I need covo [sic] topics.”
This is not a love story. Or, at least, one that ends well. BE FOREWARNED, YE MOVIEWATCHERS and do not get lulled into buying the book this film is based off of a book that may have a lovely cover and look like a fun romp for a plane ride but is in fact HEARTWRENCHING.
As usual, HuffPo introduces the image by putting it in context: “This film’s poster certainly contrasts in tone and image from Hathaway’s last romantic film poster, her near-nude shot with Jake Gyllenhaal for ‘Love And Other Drugs.'” But in all honesty, the book is pretty realistic about how stupid people are and how much timing matters in relationships. And the movie has Jim Sturgess! Across the Universe made me like The Beatles a little, ok? He’s gotta be good.
Every year, after the Grammys, which my father would spent the entirety of moaning and complaining about how there was no good music left in the world, I would take the list of winners that The New York Times published in the paper, and highlight all the artists I knew he liked or would like that had won. Even though it’s mostly a lot of bullshit, there are still lots of smaller categories that don’t get featured that honor musicians who quietly live their lives while making us happier. There are a few of my personal choices on here, such as Lady Gaga, who I know for a fact he was sick to death of hearing about. But variety is the spice of life, and I can and will like her next to Patty Griffin. Whatever the awards show ridiculousness was, and the resulting ridiculous ratings, there’s still some good stuff out there, so chin up kids!
An Abridged List, With Choice Commentary
New Artist: Esperanza Spalding
While Spalding may be new to everyone else, she’s been around for years, and the album she won for was her third.
Female Pop Vocal Performance: Lady Gaga, “Bad Romance”
Pop Instrumental Performance: Jeff Beck, “Nessun Dorma”
Pop Vocal Album: “The Fame Monster,” Lady Gaga
Dance Recording: “Only Girl (In the World),” Rihanna
Electronic/Dance Album: “La Roux,” La Roux
Was there even another way to go?
Rock Instrumental Performance: Jeff Beck, “Hammerhead”
Rock Song: Neil Young (“Angry World,” Neil Young)
Male R&B Vocal Performance: Usher, “There Goes My Baby”
R&B Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocals: Sade, “Soldier of Love”
Traditional R&B Vocal Performance: John Legend and The Roots, “Hang On In There”
Urban/Alternative Performance: Cee Lo Green, “_____You”
R&B Song: John Stephens (“Shine,” John Legend and The Roots)
R&B Album: “Wake Up!,” John Legend and The Roots
Contemporary R&B Album: “Raymond V Raymond,” Usher
Rap Solo Performance: Eminem, “Not Afraid”
Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group: Jay-Z and Swizz Beatz, “On To the Next One”
Rap Album: “Recovery,” Eminem
Male Country Vocal Performance: Keith Urban, “ ’Til Summer Comes Around”
The only song I actually like of his is that super sad one “You’ll Think Of Me”, and then maybe also “Somebody Like You.”
Jazz Vocal Album: “Eleanora Fagan (1915-1959): To Billie With Love From Dee Dee,” Dee Dee Bridgewater
Large Jazz Ensemble Album: “Mingus Big Band Live at Jazz Standard,” Mingus Big Band
Rock Or Rap Gospel Album: “Hello Hurricane,” Switchfoot
This is only included because this category is called “Rap Gospel”, a category I didn’t know existed. Another fun fact about Switchfoot: a large percentage of the Walk To Remember soundtrack consists of their songs. Though let’s be real, the one memorable song on that album was a cover of “Dancing In The Moonlight”, a King Harvest song from the 70s covered by Toploader. Though let’s be real, the best cover of that cover is my mother tunelessly singing along to it during a long roadtrip.
Traditional Gospel Album: “Downtown Church,” Patty Griffin
Americana Album: “You Are Not Alone,” Mavis Staples
Traditional Blues Album: “Joined at the Hip,” Pinetop Perkins and Willie ‘Big Eyes’ Smith
Contemporary Blues Album: “Living Proof,” Buddy Guy
Contemporary Folk Album: “God Willin’ and the Creek Don’t Rise,” Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs
Contemporary World Music Album: “Throw Down Your Heart, Africa Sessions Part 2,” Béla Fleck
Musical Album For Children: “Tomorrow’s Children,” Pete Seeger with the Rivertown Kids and Friends
Spoken Word Album For Children: “Julie Andrews’ Collection of Poems, Songs and Lullabies,” Julie Andrews and Emma Walton Hamilton
Spoken Word Album: “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Presents Earth,” Jon Stewart With Samantha Bee, Wyatt Cenac, Jason Jones, John Oliver and Sigourney Weaver
Comedy Album: “Stark Raving Black,” Lewis Black
Compilation Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media: “Crazy Heart”
Score Soundtrack Album For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media: Randy Newman, “Toy Story 3”
Song Written For Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media: Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett, “The Weary Kind” from “Crazy Heart”
Short Form Music Video: Francis Lawrence and Heather Heller (“Bad Romance,” Lady Gaga)
Long Form Music Video: Tom Dicillo, John Beug, Jeff Jampol, Peter Jankowski and Dick Wolf (“When You’re Strange,” The Doors)
Engineered Album, Non-Classical: Michael H. Brauer, Joe Ferla, Chad Franscoviak and Manny Marroquin (“Battle Studies,” John Mayer)
Remixed Recording, Non-Classical: David Guetta (“Revolver,” Madonna)
Boxed or Special Limited Edition Package: Rob Jones and Jack White III (“Under Great White Northern Lights,” the White Stripes)
Producer Of The Year, Non-Classical: Danger Mouse
Classical Album: “Verdi: Requiem,” Riccardo Muti, conductor; Duain Wolfe, chorus master (Ildar Abdrazakov, Olga Borodina, Barbara Frittoli, Mario Zeffiri, Chicago Symphony Orchestra and Chicago Symphony Chorus)
This one’s for Jessie.