Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things


Jay-Z And I Agree About Politics!

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It’s just us guys. Ready to save the world.

NYMag: How did you feel about the midterm elections?

Jay-Z: I seen some glimmer of hope in it. You know, the Republicans have to answer for their decisions now, so hopefully we’ll see how that works. Sometimes you’ve got to be careful what you ask for. You might get it.

NYMag: It’s not a referendum on Obama?
Jay-Z: No. What’s happening to Obama is he’s being judged on the last eight years of that administration that was one of the most horrific of our time. And there’s no way in the world that he can correct eight years of bad government in two years.

Jay-Z on His New Book, the Midterm Elections, and Kanye’s Apologies [NYMag]

Better Know A Grocery Store Product

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Today, it got cold and I had time to kill, and since the library kicks you out at 6pm now because our government cuts the budget of all important things, I ventured into the grocery store, for what became a very long trip. Seriously, I was in there for 30 minutes when really it could have been like 10. They probably thought I was casing the joint. I did learn one thing: If a grocery worker knocks a head of broccoli on the ground, they do not just pick it up and put it back because hopefully you’ll wash it when you get home. They take it away. I’m hoping there’s some employee table in the back where people are like, “Dudeee free food.” Except who would do that with broccoli, really, let’s be real.

1) Not All Salt Is Made Alike

“This salt does not supply iodide, a necessary nutrient”

“This salt supplies iodide, a necessary nutrient.”

Which would you choose?

2) Sibling Rivalry, Macaroni And Cheese Style

Whole wheat with Alfredo. DW is classy and organic, a new twist on an old favorite.

Arthur is just classic. He was around first, so you know he has loyal fans.

Had I known either of these existed, I might not have been such a snob about Macaroni and Cheese and refused to eat it out of a box for all my childhood.

People’s Sexiest Man Not Alive Is Normal Looking

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So I’m channel surfing last night, made even harder by the fact that the Guide seems to not being working on the remote control, and none of the roommates knows what’s up, and it’s not because its an HD channel and dear god is this technology making us any happier, really?, and what comes up but what appears to be a gift from God: A show, narrated by Kim Kardashian, about how they picked People’s sexiest man of 2010. And at that moment, all other choices just melt away and I am just riveted to my seat. To give you a taste of what’s to come: the show, entitled 25 Years of Sexy: PEOPLE magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive, was on ABC at 10 ET. Why the late hour? Because the witching hour is for when content is about to get HOT.

The Scientific Process of Picking The Sexiest Man
In case you were wondering, they use a very advanced process which involves sitting in a room, looking at photos of hot famous men, and writing their names in lists on a white board. On how they pick that one photo that graces the cover, managing editor of the magazine Larry Hackett says, “At that moment of conception, the body needs to reach out and say ‘That’s it!'”

In case that didn’t make any sense to you, Kim Kardashian tells us that the sexiest man alive must be the “delicious nexus between art and sex.” This show is the most in-depth look at what is sexy I have really ever witnessed. Next, we get to talk to some “real” women (real must always be in quotes, because famous isn’t). They say that “sexy is energy, and personality”…and oh wait, also every other adjective possible — vulnerable, but masculine. No contradictions in this lot at all. They also bring on a real live anthropologist to tell us about people and how they are made.

The Has-Beens Who Were Once Hotter
We’re then introduced to Lisa Rinna, who is married to Harry Hamlin, the winner for 1987, who says that it’s commitment that’s attractive, not initial vibes: “It’s that twinkle, ten years later.” This is confusing, because he was voted sexiest man of 1987, yet he was not committed to People’s entire viewership. This leads me to believe that perhaps everyone should have their own personal sexiest man alive list. Mine would look something like this (in no particular order):

1) Guy I saw on the subway that one time who was the most attractive person I have seen in real life.
2) John Mayer, my spirit animal, despite and because of the fact that he has a weird sense of humor and everyone seems to hate him now.
3) Ryan Gosling.
4) Christian Bale, who I like more because he seems to have an anger management issue.
5) Every man who has ever not be remotely interested in me and therefore becomes exponentially more appealing.

Anyway, back to Lisa. She, and many others, are interviewed by some dude who looks vaguely familiar, and does not seem at all weirded out by the fact that he is talking about what it means to be beautiful despite the fact that he bears a close resemblance to Peter Pettigrew from Harry Potter (HP 7.5 FRIDAY!)

Patti Stanger Keeps It Real, As Per The Usual
We then get to talk to my favorite person in the world, Patti Stanger, whose show The Millionaire Matchmaker is plugged about a thousand times, as it should be. She tells us that “Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks”, which, looking at my sexiest man alive list, is true. Here are some more fun facts:

Did you know she has 30,000 women waiting for her millionaires? How then, in every episode, is she screaming at the goth couple she works with and that stupid intern over how few decent women there are for her millionaires, none of whom she likes very much?
Also, “Women fall in love between their ears: They want a little money, a little power, and a hot factor.” I don’t know how looks and being wealthy and powerful can all be determined through the magic of hearing, but there you go. The last time I looked at the Fortune 500 list, there were photos and earnings listed, and I learned all of that with my eyes.

Bring Up Dead Beautiful People To Bring On The Tears
ABC then tugs at our heartstrings by interviewing Lisa Niemi, Patrick Swayze’s widow. It’s not enough they had to bring us their joint interview with Barbara Walters, now they need to tell us that the couple did “a little dirty dancing at home too”? Also, “There was something inside of him that was pure gold.”

“Real” People Can Look Good Too
Next, we’re introduced to some of the “real” men that have made the sexiest men list, which, let me tell you, is slightly sad as some of them are not looking so good. But, did you know women like a man in a uniform? Doesn’t even have to be military — FedEx will do. In fact, the exact line is: “When we come back…do you go gaga for a man in uniform? This FedEx guy knows how to deliver.” This is like a bad porn. Or just porn.

Some Other Hot Randos Who Are Sort-of Famous
Of these dudes, one of whom is a designer I’ve never heard of, and the other is Rocco Dispirito who seems like a poor woman’s naked chef, Kim says, “And from food to fashion, there are the men that make us look good. And really, what’s sexier than that?”
I don’t know Kim. I really don’t.

The Big Kahuna: Ryan Reynolds Is Your Sexiest Man
This is probably the most enjoyable part of the program, because Ryan gives us some great lines like “My body in it’s natural state is virtually a mirror image of Dick Van Dyke,” while Peter Pettigrew just drools over him and makes him give us sexyfaces. There’s also a bit about a “love affair about which Ryan is more forthcoming” — the one with his dog, who is a rescue lab. I felt my heart grow two sizes that day.

And Finally, More Science
ABC and People travel all the way to the University of Aberdeen in Scotland to the Face Research Lab, where they take this fancy photoshop machine and do some magic mashups of all the sexiest men of all 25 years which are then mathematically calculated and statistically balanced and what do you get?

A guy who looks looks totally handsome but is utterly nondescript because let’s face it, you don’t know him, so he can’t be very sexy to you, can he?

People’s 25th Annual Sexiest Man Alive issue hits stands tomorrow. Buy one for your grandma. Or don’t because as far as I can tell, it’s going to be a lot of this:

UPDATE: For an uncensored and hilarious look at some real sexy men, check out my friend Katy’s tumblr, Men I Would Fuck.

When Good People Do Good Things, Together

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This Is A Travesty

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Bill Nye fainted from exhaustion yesterday during a lecture he was giving on Global Warming at USC. Unsurprising, given his busy life being a badass and living in what seems like the greenest house in America, but scary nonetheless.
When he came around he compared himself to an obvious contemporary: “Wow, that was crazy. I feel like Lady Gaga or something.”

More upsetting was the lack of response from students. Or, better put, the nature of response this incident prompted; USC senior Alastair Fairbanks (REAL NAME) said, “…I saw students texting and updating their Twitter statuses. It was just all a very bizarre evening.”

Relive the glory days with the following far-too-short clip from my favorite episode of Bill Nye, the Science Guy, which was all I was allowed to watch in fifth grade after my dad caught me watching Beverly Hills 90210 (I swear, all the drug and sex references alluded me!) and only let me watch PBS for the next several years. This one is all about Skin, the largest organ in our bodies.

Though it cuts off at an unfortunate point, this young gentleman is about to put these socks in water, to demonstrate how sweat cools our body off.

Could He BE Any Jauntier?: Nevermore

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Maybe without those sneakers.

John Cusack on the set of The Raven. Image via AP.

He plays Edgar Allan Poe. No seriously. It is of my opinion that Edgar Allan Poe has not been utilized in popular culture enough, except for one excellent Gilmore Girls episode entitled “A Tale of Poes and Fire.”

(Joke from the title of this post should be referenced here if you live under a rock.)

Happy Happy

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This fits in nowhere, except that Teach Me How To Dougie is sweeping the nation, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Also Will Smith has very long limbs. Now if only they could somehow combine The Carlton Dance with this, that would be a great viral video.

Smart Girls Sleep Late

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According to the news: “Researchers from the London School of Economics have found that people with high I.Q.s are more likely to be night owls, whereas folks with lower I.Q.s are more likely to wake up early and function their best during the day. Other studies have found a link between “eveningness” and getting good grades in school.”

There’s always a But. And if there’s not a But, there’s a However:

However, all is not well with those who burn the midnight oil. People who are disposed to staying up late are less reliable and more likely to suffer from depression and various addictions when compared to early risers.”

There’s always a catch. At least I’ll be a genius depressive drug addict.

Not Your Mom’s James Deen

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Yesterday I stumbled upon the personal blog of male porn actor and winner of the 2009 Male Performer of the Year Award, James Deen (NSFW, duh). Peppered with pictures of his naked colleagues captioned with witticisms like “Riley Evans and her Amazing Boobs,” I expected, nay, wanted, to hate it. Except… I didn’t. I read and I read and I read, and the more I read, the more I smiled. Why wasn’t this clear objectification (I mean… we’re talking close-cropped shots of semen-covered faces) not offending my feminist-self? And then I figured it out:

Are you ready? In one fell swoop I’m going to make Andrea Dworkin roll over in her grave and bring the wrath of Catharine “Pornography is the theory, rape is the practice” MacKinnon down on Smart Girls: James Deen is a feminist. He may not identify that way,  he may not even be able to spell “feminism,” but I believe the evidence is clear.

Beyond his eminently quotable one-liners (“At least I have opposable thumbs.  Those are pretty damn sweet!!!” or “Here is a pig I saw wearing a purple tie… I call it ‘party pig'”), Deen’s says things like:

I totally intercoursed her and made out and ejaculated on her face and stuff.
She was super cool and totally put my penis inside of her ass … and that was pretty cool.
I’m just horny and feeling weird because this is the first day in about 7 years that I haven’t ejaculated onto some girls face

So… yeah… he writes like a whiny 12-year-old XBox-er describing sex to his uninitiated friends over doritos and pizza bagels. Nobody ever said porn stars had to be articulate. BUT, more importantly, here are a few words strikingly absent from Deen’s blog:

(okay… he used “bitch” once… but he was describing a slice of pumpkin pie, not a woman)

In an industry saturated by language that is horrifically offensive towards women, language that implies sexual object not sexual partner, Deen’s overwhelming appreciation, admiration and respect towards his co-stars is refreshing. The women he works with are “rad” not because the let him have sex with them, but because they also enjoy exhibitionist sex. The power dynamic that has so frequently plagued the porn industry (think pervy-fat cat director and naive, resource-less teenager) is completely missing. Deen frequently works for female directors, does feature films for female-headed studios and prefers co-stars who share his kinks.

Plus, there are his hilarious views on the “Slut-o-ween” phenomenon:
So every year chicks dress up on halloween as a slutty version of something right?  So I decided a few years ago that if chicks can do it then so can I (What can I say, I’m a big believer in equal rights).  So since then I have been choosing my costumes and basically just cutting the ass and the crotch out of them and being a slutty version of whatever said costume is.

Sex-positivity, professional partnerships, gender equality in leadership positions, respectful relationships with co-workers… if only the rest of the industry could get on board with Deen’s values, maybe I could second his frequent blog-post sign-off, “GOOOO POORNN!!!”

For further reading, check out my favorite porn-centric blogger, Lynsey G. at  Conflicted Existence of a Female Porn Writer

The Inaugural Thelonious Monk Memorial Weblog Post from Smart Girls Stupid Things

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My dad was the first person I knew personally who had a blog, way back when on March 11, 2004. Though he had a bit of a love/hate relationship with the internet, I often find that he was able to drag up some of the best stuff I read and watched about politics, art and music, to name a few. So weekly or so, expect to see a new column entitled “Curmudgeon Says”, where I’ll feature pieces that I’m pretty sure he would have been down with.

1) Flamingoes are the best

Image by Danny Dries “Last of the Firebirds”
Best collection of Pink Flamingoes I’ve ever seen. (I now wonder if calling them “Pink” Flamingoes is redundant. But if you don’t know why they’re pink, you should because it is the funnest fact.)

2) The Boss: I Wish I Had A Moniker As Cool

Famous people have driver’s licenses too! Well “too” in the general sense, as I’m not actually part of that club…

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