Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things

Sometimes…

Mr. Lincoln: ‘the sexiest man in American history’

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This Thanksgiving, while perusing the ol’ Nytimes.com, I discovered a heartwarming tale on the origins of President Abraham Lincoln’s sexy beard. When the dinner conversation threatened to veer to the point of no return, the area which makes me greatly fear ever, ever introducing a potential husband to my extended family, I steered the family away from personal stories and to the heartwarming tale of little Grace Bedell, who recommended Lincoln grow a beard, so she might convince her brothers to vote for him. She added, “All the ladies like the whiskers and they would tease their husbands to vote for you and then you would be President.” Guess what Miss Bedell? You were quite on the money!

My lovely Nana chose this moment to announce, quite out of the blue, that my great-great-grandmother was one such woman. She shook Lincoln’s hand in fact. And, moreover, my great-grandfather bought bookends of his face! Whiskers and all. Mr. Lincoln, I know you saved the union, but also contributing to the 19th century Renaissance of beards? How can I ever repay you.

Nana, with her Grandfather’s Lincoln bookends, circa 1910. They will be mine when I settle down and/or when i get married, or when she dies. But not right now because it’s “just a phase.”

ABC Family Gets You Psyched for Christmas with Angels and Dogs

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Did you know it’s the holiday season? In case the over-eagerly hung greens everywhere have not put you in sufficient holiday spirits, ABC Family wants to prepare you for Christmas, too. That’s right, it’s almost ABC Family’s 25 Days of Christmas time!
But wait! ABC must squeeze everything it can out of the season with the Countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas, happening now.

If you’re a TRUE fan of ABC Family original movies (definition: you own one, you search for them on YouTube and watch all parts, you watched one more than once on purpose), you’re going to ask: what high-quality, engaging, aptly titled, filmed-in-Canada-with-once-popular-stars, will ABC Family be premiering this year?

Here are your previews:

Christmas Cupid

What to look forward to: Chad Michael Murray, Christina Milian, Ashley Benson, exes, angels, a high-powered woman who’s a bitch until she falls in love, misogyny, a new Mariah Carey song. And true love, of course.

The run down: CMilian plays Sloane, a Hollywood publicist and a bitch face.  She is a bitch face because she both is a woman and works at a “high-powered” job. Her star client dies and returns as an angel, telling CMilian she needs to take a look at her past relationships and atone for misdeeds. So begins a) another story based on A Christmas Carol (did we NOT learn from Ghosts of Girlfriends Past?), and b) where CMM comes in (as one of the former BFs).

Fun fact: this movie was originally titled “Ex-Mas.”  Hats off to the person who realized that made absolutely no sense, but to whomever chose the new title, I ask: did you really try your hardest?

Watch the preview, not to be confused with Christmas Cupid Shuffle, which you should still watch, because I accidentally did. Premieres Sunday 12/12.

The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation

This is the SECOND YEAR IN A ROW ABC Family has premiered a new movie about a dog saving Christmas and consequently what makes my extreme fanship of ABC Family original movies HARD to sustain.

What to look forward to: The star dog, Zeus, is voiced by Mario Lopez. He meets a snobby poodle voiced by Paris Hilton and falls in love (this is a side plot, the main plot involves robbery foiled by the dog, duh).  Wait, what? Maybe I should watch this.

Premieres Sunday, 11/28; watch the preview here.

Stay tuned for more on what ABC Fam has gifted us with in past years, and what else to look forward to this year.  Full schedule here–yeah, it’s a pdf.  Print it. Hang it up.  Look forward.

Thelonious Monk Memorial Weblog Post Week 2

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1) The Decemberists Team Up With The Ever-Awesome Gillian Welch

2) Some Photos of Beautiful People

Herb Ritts’s Cool People, Beautiful Bodies [PDN]

3) Warren Buffett Continues To Be A Badass
On Sunday, ABC will air “This Week With Christiane Amanpour,” with featured billionaire Warren Buffett. Some choice quotes:
If anything, taxes for the lower and middle class and maybe even the upper middle class should even probably be cut further. But I think that people at the high end — people like myself — should be paying a lot more in taxes. We have it better than we’ve ever had it.
AND
The rich are always going to say that, you know, just give us more money and we’ll go out and spend more and then it will all trickle down to the rest of you. But that has not worked the last 10 years, and I hope the American public is catching on.
Dude is 80. That is all.

4) This Is The Boss, Right?
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Grin at me like that, please.

I Want To Go Clubbing With Cher and Michelle Pfeiffer

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She tells me that meeting men has never been easy, though she’s worked hard at it. ‘Straight men don’t want to come up to you,’ she says. ‘Women are braver than men–they want to be a Mrs. Somebody. Very few men want to be Mister Cher. They won’t approach you. Like one night, Michelle Pfeiffer and I thought it would be great to go dancing, so we stopped at this club on Santa Monica.’ (Cher and Pfeiffer co-starred in The Witches of Eastwick.) ‘We were there for 40 minutes and nobody asked us to dance. Not one person! Finally, a gay friend of mine came in with his boyfriend and, of course, we got up to dance.'”

Burlesque opens tomorrow people.

Cher: ‘Famous People Pay a Price’ [Parade]

What To Talk About At Your Thanksgiving Dinner, The Harry Potter Edition

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Though Harry Potter fever is so last week, spending 12 hours in the car (the majority of which seemed to consist of just the state of Pennsylvania) gives a couple girls little to do but discuss the-greatest-series-of-our-time-that-also-defined-a-generation. My slight shame, however, at how much I’ve discussed these books over the past week has been quelled by the fact that it seems the internet has not gotten over the fever either. So here a few topics to keep you going over this holiday weekend in which you might not have much to discuss with those cousins from Arkansas.

For Those Who Care Specifically About Certain Characters
Use this potential holiday gift to begin a heated debate over which character is the best.

Note that this wand only comes in “Harry and Hermione styles.” To quote Emma: “Oh Ron, why is he always shafted?!” Agreed. He is so the necessary comic genius of the books and films. That whole section where they’re in the woods and he’s stormed off out of frustration is so dull because Harry and Hermione are kinda downers when placed together with nothing to do but brood. In fact, I might even go as far as to say that Ron was sick of being the only one who has a sense of humor and the burden was far too much to bear.

For Those Who Enjoy A Little Brief Levity And A Surprisingly Sexy Man
Show them this GIF:
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The actor who plays Xenophilius Lovegood, Luna Lovegood’s father, is none other than Rhys Ifans, aka that naked roommate of Hugh Grant’s from Notting Hill . He looks goood in HP, save for the long white hair that he effeminately but hilariously brushes away from his face.
Big shout-out to another secret hottie of HP 7.5: Careful sleuthing has indicated that the sexy snatcher/Death Eater Scabior who snarls a lot at Hermione is none other than Nick Moran! Who is Nick Moran? A 41-year-old who really looks best with eyeliner and long hair.

For Those Who Desire A Lively Debate About Either The Differences In The Movies vs. The Books OR Gender Roles In Either/Both
Of Ginny Weasley, Chloe over at Feministing says:
All that said, I’m not thrilled with the way you’ve been depicted on screen. I think they make you out to be way less self-reliant and way less gutsy than you are in the book. And I don’t know why they had you tie Harry’s shoes in the sixth movie; it was really out of place. Maybe they meant it as a fellatio metaphor, but let’s be honest: you’re Ginny Weasley. You probably give real blowjobs, not metaphorical ones.”

Zing! Note: May not be suitable for younger children, or supremely conservative older relatives.

Oh Wait It’s Not Really The End

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On Friday, Oprah aired her last-ever “My Favorite Things” episode. Except oh wait, it’s not really the last ever because tomorrow there is a second batch of people waiting to get all the same gifts or something. Except she’s tricked them into feeling intense suffering by making them watch all these other people come out with their gifts, and makes them feel like “they just missed the bus.” Oprah actually says that she wanted to see the looks on their faces when they realized what they were missing. As a follow up, she wanted to see the looks on their faces when they actually got what they wanted and she gave it to them! I know she does a lot of good for people, but this just seems cruel and self-serving. I wonder if she has some sort-of Santa Claus disorder, where she must be the reason people are happy through gifting. I may notify the DSM for their fifth edition about this possible illness.

UPDATE: Some awesome GIF’s and stills of Oprah’s audience here.

It’s Been A Week Of Jeff Goldblum And Boy Does It Feel Good

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1) He Reminds Us of Another Reason to See Annie Hall

Skip to the end. Except the part with Cher is really good too, so maybe watch that also.

2) He Performs The Best Song Ever

A quality cover:

3) He’s in a halfway decent Rom Com
Love me some Rachel McAdams. Also, anything that puts Harrison Ford against Diane Keaton is a-okay in my book. Though there was some pretty blatant product placement for Emergen-C and it I’m saying that, you know it’s serious. Is it possible to become addicted to a fizzy vitamin C powder?

4) “Please welcome the American treasure that is Jeff Goldblum everybody.”

PART 1

AND IT CONTINUES

5) His Stalker Gets Out Of Jail
And he isn’t allowed to get a new restraining order against her because there isn’t a “fresh threat”? Jeff, I personally volunteer myself for the job of your 24/7 bodyguard until your safety can be confirmed again.

And that’s this week in Jeff Goldblum!

Ladystoner Profile Of This Week Is A Friend

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Mary Jane Eyre is “smart, creative, thoughtful and driven.” And also such a badass. Hopefully she’ll be contributing more to the site in the future, but for now, take a gander at how she feels about pot.

Today It Is…

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Time for this.

(Click on her to watch the magic happen)

HP 7.5 OMG the world might end now. I hope not because we’ll never know what happens. It’s frustrating to know, however, that no matter how good this first half is, I will leave the theater unsatisfied and annoyed, just like I was at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 2, because no movie is supposed to end with a cliffhanger. Even sequels. That stuff is for TV. So why do I go? Because I’m a masochist.

When Kate Cries

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When she sees amazing Prince covers. Excuse me, I’ll just be listening to The B-Sides on repeat until my mom comes into my room and is like, “What is this music?” And I’m all like, “Prince, Mom!” And then she’s all like, “What is this inappropriate song then?” And I’m like, “Sexy M.F.”, and then the chorus kicks in and Prince is singing “Come here baby yeah, you sexy mutherfucker,” but it’s totally not my fault because it is my dad’s album that he gave to me.
(Story copyright circa 2000)

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