So it was live for me, but not so much for you, as my rambling really requires at least a little editing before publication…
(8:27) Jane Lynch says, 1) “Though not a Buddhist, they do seem like a very calm people”
2) “Thanks to my Lord and creator Ryan Murphy”
3) “And to my cast. You’re young and you’re wonderful and fresh faced, and when I’m not seething with jealousy I’m so proud of you.”
(8:37) How did they get George Clooney to do this?! i would love Modern Family even more if he was on it consistently. “I gotta get a film,” he acknowledges.
(8:39) Tony Shaloub — Monk. Monk is still on?
(8:46) Mom: Edie Falco seems pissed. Why is she pissed? She just won!
Kate: Maybe it’s all those years on The Sopranos; they’ve weathered her.
I want to know how you get a job as one of those on stage escorts. During the Oscars they’re always famous peoples progeny; here, they just look like upper-class vegas hostesses.
It’d be more fun to watch this if I didnt realize that it was a blatant push for the shows that are coming up. Did they always do this? Was I too young to notice the propoganda?
(8:51) Top Chef wins. Oh Padma go the fuck away. Ditto Gail. Why are you on this show. How did that happen.
Woah but they must put makeup on Padma’s scar during the show because it looks way worse now.
I actually stopped fast-forwarding the commercial so I could watch this preview for “The Farewell Season” of Oprah, which consists of shots of her screaming.
Mariska Hargitay looks good if a little hippy. She is Jayne Mansfield’s daughter I guess. Though I feel like she was always known more for her other assets…
I love it when people go up to accept and there are just randos trying to get a piece of the action by like, grabbing their arm as they run onstage. It looks like someone escaping a giant squid.
(9:04) Aaron Paul has actual drug dealer eyes. I think this role is not so much of a push.
Some guy apparently Tweeted “Nathan Fillion: This dude is straight off the meat rack yo.” AGREED. In a good way. If meat rack means “Hotness Rack.”
(9:12) OMG closeted lesbo from The Good Wife won! Others will remember that her real name is Archie Panjabi. She played the annoying sister in Bend It Like Beckham who was hilar. And Christine Baranski looks so happy for her.
Ann Margaret still has the sexiest voice. John Lithgow still does not.
Ricky Gervais in 4.5 minutes?! I like that they give me goals.
Federer’s Lindor chocolate ad is getting me excited for the U.S. Open.
I dont know who you are Andrew Sullivan, but you are not Billy with Oxyclean.
Old Navy: “Booty reader.” No.
Also, I tried to be healthy and buy froyo Cherry Garcia. Why is it so grainy? This was a mistake.
(9:45) Ricky Gervais is legit all about the delivery. “Mel Gibson. I’m not gonna have a go at him. He’s been through a lot. Not as much as the Jews.”
And then beer! He loves reminding people that it’s live. He always gets such a kick out of it. As do I.
My Mom is loving John Hodgeman’s voiceover.
(9:50) Bucky Gunts just thanked his friend/relative B.J. B.J. Gunts?! Too good to be true. Mom loves this guy because hes a dork like her. Also he won for the Olympics.
(9:52) Love how much this Daily Show dude doesn’t care that he thinks he’s the best.
Boardwalk Empire preview! So excited for Rudd. “When alcohol was outlawed, outlaws became kings!”
Who the hell is Nate Berkus? Apparently he has a new show and I’m being told he’s hot. I guess they’ve got me hooked because I just googled him. OH. He’s from Chicago and is Oprah’s go-to interior design man. Also just found out from googling that Martha Stewart and Bonnie Hunt have been cancelled, hence the need for new daytime.
Like this old man’s gray glasses.
Mom: So many gays.
(She’s sensing a theme today).
(9:59) George must be getting old to be eligible to win the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award.
1) Mom: Why is he winning the humanitarian award?
Kate: He does humanitarian work.
Mom: Oh right he does all this work in Africa! With Kristof!
2) Mom: Why is this woman presenting?
Kate: They used to be on ER together.
Mom: She’s got toned arms.
I still like January Jones’ dress.
I love it when people have to go up to accept their award and air-kiss random people. And when they forget who they were nominated with in their speech. They always remember everyone but like, one loser.
If I were on the Supreme Court I would totally watch this new show Outlaw with Jimmy Smits, which is all about how he quits the Supreme Court. Like, who does that?! It’s awesome how such a super serious career is being totally disrespected in the name of entertainment.
(10:14) KB will love Claire Danes’ outfit.
Update: KB did love Claire Danes’ outfit.
(10:14) I love how my Mom doesn’t know anyone until we get to the like, docu-dramas. And then she goes, “Oh David Straitharn, I always wondered how to spell his name.” That doesn’t mean she likes his speech. “BYE!”
Temple Grandin just stood and waved on her own accord I think. Baller. And she stands again. And they are really applauding for her.
(10:17) Jewel. ‘Cmon. Oh it’s for the dead people. And she wrote this song for her friend who died of cancer? “There’s a hole in my heart, but it’s in the shape of you.” God I hope not. And there’s too much glitter on her face.
(10:29) Claire Danes keeps squeaking. “THANK YOU HBO. LIKE, FOR SERIOUS.” I love her.
My mom is convinced she has a scar on her chest. I’m not. Yea Temple, you go girl, get up again.
I don’t think an Eames chair should be in a Friskies commercial. I think that’s like, design-sacreligious.
(10:34) Anna Pacquin needs to stop looking so weirdly at her husband. And giggling. And let go of him, please. We get it, you’re married.
I’m continuing to love how un-modest Temple is. She’s so into herself. As she should be.
(10:38) Al Pacino, maybe we’re laughing because of your ridic skin and hair color?
Is that Jack Kevorkian?!
Oooh Lawrence Fishburn. Your daughter does porn. And what you’re upset about is that she didn’t change her name. Except she has a great porn name, so I really don’t blame her. I mean, it’s not sexy, but what can you do.
(10:48) Wow Temple just cuts her off this acceptance speech with the longest hug. Way to take over the stage again.
(10:51) TOM SELLECK?! This is too good to be true. He is wearing a cream jacket. Wow. He looks like a cater waiter. But YEA MAD MEN. Obvi.
I’m just going to say it: Thank god 30 Rock didn’t win again.
Summary of the night: Clearly, Temple Grandin won the Emmys.