Smart Girls Who Do Stupid Things


Shit My Mom Says (While Watching TV With Me)

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Some people might think my sister and I grew up in a household where television was celebrated and appreciated, due to our love for it. Quite the contrary. Despite working in television, my mother seems to have an intense distaste for watching it. What follows is a collection of some of her best quotes as she tries to force herself to enjoy the medium:

In which Mom has a difficult time following Chuck:
“I thought he just had this other person – what happened to the blonde?”
(after scene change): “What are we watching now. It’s not even the same show.”
(during the recap): “Didn’t we already see this?”

In which Mom gets less and less polite as an episode of One Tree Hill progresses:
“This is stupid.”
“This is so lame.”
“This show is just getting creepier and creepier.”
“This is getting boring. It’s the same thing over and over.”
“That’s one of the most horrible things I’ve ever seen on television.”
BONUS – (during the zit commercial): “I guess they know their audience.”

In which Mom has a difficult time comprehending the unrealistic nature of dramatic television on One Tree Hill:

In which Mom attempts to emulate the inner monologue of Brooke, a fictional character on One Tree Hill:
“Get rid of Peyton so I can hook up with the guy.”

In which Mom is incredulous over the failure of Booth and Brennan (on Bones) to consummate their relationship:
“Wait, they aren’t having sex?”

In which Mom attempts to be insightful with regard to horrendous RomComs such as Made of Honor:
“At this point I can’t even figure out what’s depressing and what isn’t.”

In which Mom reacts viscerally to exciting moments:
*Cannot be fully explained in dialogue. Filled with many “OMIGOSHes” and loud screeches of laughter over things she doesn’t quite get out of context.*

In which Mom has no sympathy for secondary characters on One Tree Hill:
Owen: “I haven’t had a drink in 8 years.”
Mom: “Now is a good time to start.”

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One Response to “Shit My Mom Says (While Watching TV With Me)”

  1. nrt
    on Apr 26th, 2011
    @ 8:56 pm

    pee in your pants funny

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